Herbert and I think its quite funnyQuote:
Originally Posted by ramblingboy42
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Herbert and I think its quite funnyQuote:
Originally Posted by ramblingboy42
I hope you enjoy the rest.....Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedimastermat
URINE
Let urine be the mirror of your soul.
Every monday morning, use a chopstick* to whisk a little of your urine in a white porcelain bowl.
If your urine turns frothy, you have a terminal illness and will be dead by the weekend.
*if you have issues around chopsticks it might be better to use a fork
SPRING CLEANING
Spring clean your mind.
Brush away the cobwebs of guilt.
Scrub out the stains of anxiety.
Hoover up the dust of depression.(be careful of Herbert)
Take your brain to the dry cleaners.
(dont lose the ticket)
next...highs&lows & victim
HIGHS AND LOWS
We talk of "the height of folly" and "the depths of despair".
Yet why is folly high?
And why is despair deep?
Challenge conventional wisdom:
Experience the depths of folly and the heights of despair.
VICTIM
You are a victim because you believe you dont deserve anything better.
It doesnt always have to be this way.
Let somebody else be a victim for a change.
Next time youre walking down a busy street, push somebody else under a bus and shout, "Look a victim, and its somebody else!"
Deal with any residual guilt feelings by using Reiki healing techniques.
next ....Beating the Blues & Never too Late
BEATING THE BLUES
Depression is only a problem if you decide that it's a problem.
If you decide it's a comfortable old jacket, you'll find you can put it on or take it off whenever you feel like it.
Then when you feel ready, you can take your depression to the Oxfam shop and pass it on to someone in the third world. .....dont forget to say "Goodbye Herbert"
NEVER TOO LATE
Does it feel too late to change your life?
If so, put all the clocks in the house back by at least three hours.
Now, use those extra hours to change your life.
next....Repetitive Stress Syndrome & Pamper Your Nose
REPETITIVE STRESS SYNDROME
Thinking of others can be very stressful.
If you think of others all the time you may become a victim of repetitive stress syndrome.
Avoid this danger by thinking about yourself as much as possible.
PAMPER YOUR NOSE
Just think what your nose goes through in the course of a day - dirt, dust, pollution, fumes.
When you get from a day in town, pamper your nose in all kinds of ways.
Burn a joss stick.
Expose your nose to the fragrance of essential oils.
Let your system absorb vital bio-flavinoids by inserting an organic cherry tomatoe into each nostril.
next....stressed out & surfing
STRESSED OUT
Stressed out?
Go outside and lie down on your back, spread your arms and legs in an X shape and stare up at the sky.
Stay in that position until you can feel your connection to the infinite.
If you hear the rumble of approaching traffic, you may be lying in the middle of a road.
Ask the infinite if you could call back later.
SURFING
You could surf the net for a thousand years and still not find the website that speaks to you.
Surf your inner net for five minutes every night and you will always find a website that will give you the attention you deserve.
It'll probably look something like this
www.me.com
next.....EASY AS PIE & JOURNEYS
EASY AS PIE
Make a big pie chart of your love.
How big a slice is devoted to YOU?
Is the slice big enough?
Why not give yourself an extra slice?
Better still, why not give yourself the entire pie?
JOURNIES
Going on a long flight?
Make it a unique transformational journey by changing into fresh underwear while still sitting in your seat on the aeroplane.
next...WIND & THE INNER CORE
WIND
If the noise from your neighbour's wind chimes becomes oppressive, ring your local council and ask them to send round the Feng Shui Control Officer.
( I bet some you warpos here were expecting something different)
THE INNER CORE
Lie down in a grassy park and relax completely.
Close your eyes
Access your deep inner core by listening to your breathing.
After a few minutes, you will find yourself suffused by a feeling of warmth.
Check to see whether you've been ****ed on by a dog.
next....road rage & indulge yourself
ROAD RAGE
To avoid succumbing to road rage, close your eyes and imagine you are lying in a beautiful meadow on a summers day.
Touch the blades of grass.
Smell the wild flowers.
See the butterflies fluttering by.
Hear the sound of tearing metal as you smash into the car in front of you.
INDULGE YOURSELF
We cant be sensible all the time.
Every now and then, throw caution to the wind and buy yourself twice as much tofu as you really need!
next....MIDLIFE CRISIS & BEING ALONE
MIDLIFE CRISIS
If you are a male aged between 40 and 50, you may experience a sudden loss of libido.
Don't panic! (see hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy)
Ask your secretary if she's seen it.
Check under the sofa.
Report your loss to the police.
Consider offering a reward for the safe return of your libido.
If, after six months there is still no sign of it, take up gardening.
BEING ALONE
Loneliness is only the absence of other people.
You are alone because you choose to be.
Those people across the road having a great party are only projecting their loneliness onto other people.
Spare a thought for the emptiness of their lives as you curl up smugly with a mug of fennel tea and a copy of The Little Book of Calm.
next VIRUS & BE PRACTICAL