Thread: one of those days you should have stayed in bed

Originally Posted by Roverlord off road spares

I should have stayed in bed today, me stinks

Fixed it for you .

Thanks Rover Lord that little storey has made my day

ooo nasty, shout yourself some good thai take away and a 6 pack exotic beer.

Look it on the bright side, you was not barefoot

Well at least you continued on undeturd by the events.
Cheers Hall

Dogs are creatures of habit, so watch out tomorrow. If he comes back you can track him home, collect several specimens, wrap in newspaper and leave it on the doorstep.Set fire to the parcel and ring the bell before leaving. If you dont do it at least you got a smile!!

The dog owner leaves something on your lawn, only fair you return the kind gesture with an item of your own choice...
Like a bear trap...
Or a land mine...
The possibilities are endless

Is it morning again so soon?
Well it must be as my alarms shrieking
I wish that I could stay warm in bed til noon
When the warmth round the corner is peeking

So out of bed myself I drag,
To a cold and foggy dawn
And I stumble half asleep with bag
Across the frosted lawn

But near the drive my smile renews
It’s happy, broad and bright
Coz in the drive is my D2
And all the world’s alright!

I walk up past the glistening beast
And tap her behind as I pass
I must admit I love this car
It oozes with such class

I jump inside and smiling broad
I start her nice and quick
Whats that noise? Oh my gawd!
The bastards got a tick!

My anger swells My sadness builds
As I pull into the gutter
As I sit there staring at a field,
I hear it’s not a tick, it’s much more like a flutter..

I run the D2 up the ramp
And underneath I go- (I should’ve stayed in bed sleeping!)
Everywhere I look under here its damp
everywhere under here it’s seeping

It seems the exhaust has broken up,
Towing the boat was the final straw
And parts will arrive late tonight...
Well the original parts were quite poor..

So back in the Disco I put my tush
I close the door and put it in gear
As the accelerator I push
Whats that smell? Ohhh dear!

I stop to put in fuel about there
And slowly on me it hits like a swell
A poo from a dog the size of a bear
On my shoe was the cause of the smell!

I tried to use some tissues, some paper, a rock
I tried to drag it off on grass
But somehow it had a great tight lock
That dog must have a smelly arse!

Im sure I looked a little strange
As I pirouetted, spun and twisted
But anyone that came with smells range
Their nose, it dead set blistered!

I finally got my ‘boaters’ clean
The smell I hope will subside
It stinks in here what does that mean?
Oh my gawd it is all spread inside!!

I gagged, I coughed, I felt real sick
As the do do it seemed to be growing
The smell and texture was real thick
the turd I would swear it was glowing!..

I don’t have a dog at home
My yard should be dog do do free
But some bastards let their dog free roam
And the victim of ‘dog mines’ was me!

But its OK, it’s over and I’m back now with my spouse
At least I can see my smiling wife.....
My gawd shes mad, (seems I tracked do do through the house!)
Oh I am in all sorts of strife

So now I wait I hope to catch him
That dog whilst in mid dropping
For if I do I swear I’ll push it all back in!
both his eyes will be popping!

I wish I had just stayed in bed
Blissfully, happily sleeping
Some days from the pillow you shouldn’t lift your head
You never know where the next turd is creeping.