Marriage course

we're getting married next year but just did a four hour course last weekend.

We're getting married in a cathedral, so it was mandatory, however the 'bible bashing' was not pushed at all and it wasn't a pass fail course either.

there were ~140 Y/N/Don't know questions, you and your partner do separately. results collated and then discuss.

we found it pretty good and just a confirmation of our similar values. biggest highlight was talking about issue that will come up in the future that we haven't discussed previously.we already live together so the major topic there was raising kids/parenting etc. (which without talking about it we pretty much were on the same path anyway)

My wife (Mel) and I are coming up to 1 year married and 2.5 years together. Some of the biggest things we've found for us are:

• Open, honest communication and we don't keep secrets (unless it's a surprise or something). Plan time each day to talk - nothing is accidental...if you don't make time it won't happen.
• Study your partner - what makes them tick, what annoys them, what they love.
• Do stuff together! Find shared interests or if you don't have any create new ones. Mel and I are best mates and enjoy doing a whole lot of stuff together from off road touring to shopping (I don't really enjoy shopping for womens clothes, but I man up and choose to enjoy it and become familiar with styles and fashions...and let me tell you it rewards very well ;) - the same is true for my shopping interests...she takes interest in them because it's what I like)
• Choose to give each other compliments and praise...even over little things like passing the butter, doing the dishes, servicing the vehicles, making the bed, making an effort to look good for each other etc.. Might sound like nothing and even a bit corny, but over time it makes a massive difference.
• Let go of things - we're humans and we're going to stuff things up and hurt each other, often without meaning to. Forgive and move on...and once forgiven, never bring up something from the past in a hurtful or malicious way. EVER.
• Learn to argue and disagree productivity - sounds strange, but I think in a healthy relationship being able to disagree and say so freely is something that can make it stronger.
• Don't take each other too seriously - laughter is truly the best medicine.

In terms of marriage courses, we've found the Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage to be great - don't agree with everything, but overall for us it's been fantastic as a tool to understand each other better. There's a few clips on YouTube:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rww_p8CO37U&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL7EEF47C6714E86B3"]Tale of Two Brains - Men's vs Women's Brains[/ame]
Ask More Than Once
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqgsD-IhFtw&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL7EEF47C6714E86B3"]Men's Sex Drive[/ame]

Also the Five Love Languages is worth its weight in gold...understanding what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated is great. For example, Mel loves surprise gifts (doesn't have to be expensive, just something small like flowers, a love note, chocolate bar), but gifts don't do anything for me...I love spending quality time together in the great outdoors or working on our Defender or Hilux getting ready for another trip. I can be doing everything "right" but she can still be feeling unloved because I'm not speaking her primary love language (everyone has more than one).

A marriage or long term committed relationship can be the best thing ever in life when you put the effort and hard work in...it comes back to you in spades! :D

Give it time :)

You're still Honeymooning ;)

To achieve a lasting marriage, a bloke just needs to heed his mom's advice and be strong and do as he is told.

Cheers I think.

PS: Betty and I were mates for fifty fours years.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tombie

Give it time :)

You're still Honeymooning ;)

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Haha very true...however I've spent 20 odd years observing the couples around me and seen the ones that have successful relationships, as well as sadly very first hand some that don't. As a saying goes..."Learn from the mistakes of others as you'll never live long enough to make them all yourself"

Keeping a Land Rover going is all about preventative maintenance...look after it before it fails. While vastly different, relationships are similar...I'd rather invest in the relationship and create habits that are going to last now in the "honeymoon stage" of our relationship than wait until there are issues and go oh sh*t what went wrong! :)

Just something to add to that list......
NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER!
This from my late grandmother and mother. Best advice I ever got.

Sadly, times change and so do certain personal things and I'm no longer with my lady. Some here know why, it doesn't matter. The advice is still valid.

I don't think a course is going to help anyone. There are no text book cases that apply to everyone. Its not one size fits all. Don't rush into things if you are you. Most of my mates got married very early and ended up in divorce.
I had a couple of early relationships but I did not meet my soul mate until until I was 28year sold.
I met my wife on a blind date, and instantly fell in love ( love at 1st sight.) We went out the following weekend with the same friends who introduced me to her. Safety in numbers I thought.( I was too chicken to ask her out after the first meeting. I did give her a peck on the lips as we left that night after our first meeting and sent her roses to her work the next day
I called into my local sports store on the Monday and told the owner who was a friend of mine that I found the lady I want to marry. Proposed to her 3months later and got married 18months later. Been together for over 22 years. I probably should tell I love her a bit more often Than I do now. But she is my soul mate. I only started to remember her birthday a few years ago, I always thought it was in Aug instead of June. But she still loves me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wardy1

Just something to add to that list......
NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER!
This from my late grandmother and mother. Best advice I ever got.

Sadly, times change and so do certain personal things and I'm no longer with my lady. Some here know why, it doesn't matter. The advice is still valid.

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Yep, I got this advice from my Grandpa too. Always sort the issue out before you sleep (sometimes this has kept us up till 4am).

His other advice was, 'only buy a double bed, nothing bigger. You can't fall asleep angry with each other in a double bed.'

My Grandpa's just clocked up 72year married (to the same woman).

I think this materalistic world has a lot to do with stress on relationships these days. Every one wants this and that and it causes arguments, especially over capitalising on the income you have.
Think clearly, and buy what you can afford, don't look at what others have, Buy things as you can afford them. That way you have no stress about money matters. Money matters can break up couples

Recently did this one;

What is The Marriage Course? | Relationship Central

I'm not christian, but was pleasantly surprised (relieved) to find this one was well put together and only christian mostly in name, despite being run by a church.

there is no group, or lectures, it is set up as a dinner for two, each couple has there own table and discusses the topics on their own with a meal provided for $25 a session once per week over eight weeks.

Dido't agree with some of it, but have benefited from the general effort made to have a regular 'date' with the wife (15 years) and some of the communication and conflict resolution topics. Overall, things are ticking over nicely now, where as before, it was a bit rough. Like my Landrover...

If you have an immunity to religion, which I have built diligently over a long time (being married to a christian), it is a good course. If you freak out at the mere mention of a god, or someone praying ( apparently to the floor with head bowed) then give it a miss...

Andy