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I can find one.....Quote:
Originally posted by Tyrepower
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
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:wink: [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
Ace :!:
>> Subject: FW: Shortest Fairy Tale Ever.
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>> Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "will you marry me?"
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>> She said "No"
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>> And the guy lived happily ever after [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
lets see if this works....
http://au.f413.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Sho...&view=a&head=b
oh well...i guess not.....
just use your imagination on this one and make it as funny as you like.
sorry about that folks!!
[u]<span style="color:blue">The Blonde Handy-Woman</span>
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realise that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes, "the blonde replied and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
8O [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
Cheers
Knight :wink:
TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED...
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny man. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The man stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
The bartender is amazed and happily gives the man a drink. But he is consumed with curiosity and has to ask "Where did you get that tiny piano player?"
The bloke looks at the bartender, and begins sobbing. "I rescued a genie and was given one wish. And I got a 12-inch pianist"
Ron
Tiger Woods was on a visit to Ireland, pulled the BMW int a fuel station to get some fuel and as he got out of the car a tee fell out of his pocket.
The Irish attendant looked at it and said "what's that?"
"Oh thats a tee" said Woods.
"What is it for ?"
"It's for resting my balls when I'm driving"
"Gee those BMW's have got everything"
Totally Brilliant those adverts LRHybrid100!! - nice one!
and here's another joke.........
An Aboriginal man found himself in a brothel in Kings Cross
and decided to approach a prostitute.
He asked her, "How much do you charge for the hour?
"$100," She replied.
"Do you do black feller style?"
Not knowing exactly what this was she refused.
He tried to sweeten the deal and said, "I'll pay you $300
to do it Black feller style".
Again she declined.
Being the persistent type, he laid down the final offer,
"I'll give you $500 to go Black feller style with me!
What do you say?"
Finally she agrees thinking, "Well I've been in the game
for over 10 years now.
I've been there and done that, and had every kind of
request from weirdo's from all over the world.
How bad could Black feller style be?"
After several intense hours of every possible way and position,
she turned to him and said.
"That was fantastic, but I was expecting something
perverted and disgusting.
Where does the Black feller style' come in?"
The Aboriginal opened a can of beer and replied, I'll pay
you next Wednesday when i get my dole check . 8O [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
Cheers
Knight :wink:
The Pope has gone to meet God
God Says "You deserve your choice of occupation Here, what would you like to do?"
The Pope thinks for a moment and answers "I would like to study the old and new testaments to get further understanding of them"
"Very well" says God, you may go within that building that houses all the documents you may wish for"
A number of days go by when there comes a very loud " <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%">[/size]OOOHHHNNNOOO ITS AN R"!!!!!<span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"></span>
The attending Nuns go rushing to the room and find the Pope lying on the floor in the foetal position crying out loud <span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"></span>"OOOOHHHHNNNOOO its an R"[size=12]</span>
" What do you mean "it's an R" " said the Nuns
"The word is supposed to be celebRate"!!!