Thread: Laughs/Funnies for 2005

Thanks Knight. That was a cracker - a great way to start.

I laughed out loud on numbers 12, 17, 18, 19 so it was a nice run home. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]

G'day knight good to see you back and making us al laugh.

A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"
The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot".
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.
We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens." 8O

Cheers
Knight :wink:

I posted this in another thread aswell, but it will be view by more here.

A blonde walks into a sex shop and asks to be shown the vibrator section.

The guy behind the counter points and says the are over there.

The blonde wanders over and looks around for a while before coming back and points at one, asking how much it is.

The guy walks over and points to one, this one he asks.

No says the blond the long red one.

Are you mad woman, thats our fire extinguisher.

Matt

A TRUE STORY....

ON 20th JULY 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON. HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR A MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS. BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER,
HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK: "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS. OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY" STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON 5th JULY 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION.

IN 1938 WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MIDWEST TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE BEDROOM WINDOWS.
HIS NEIGHBOURS WERE MR. & MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD
MRS.GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR.GORSKY,
"ORAL SEX! YOU WANT ORAL SEX?

YOU'LL GET ORAL SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!" 8O [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]


(and i copied it from an email - hence the 'YELLING" capitals!! - sorry, but i dont have the time to edit it either -sorry guys! - but enjoy the gag!)

Cheers
Knight

Originally posted by disco95
G'day knight good to see you back and making us al laugh.

You replied at 8.30pm so shouldn't that have been "Good night, Knight...." ? [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]

Ron

I like that one knight. Will you be able to make it to the BBQ weekend at the end of the month? Matt

And for the love of god Ron, get another hobby. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] Matt

Originally posted by Knight
A TRUE STORY....

ON 20th JULY 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON. HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR A MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS. BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER,
HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK: "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."

An urban legend. See http://www.hq.nasa.gov/alsj/a11/a11.step.html

BTW, I was off duty that weekend but still had to sign some envelopes - see http://61.9.197.173/otc/stories/apollo11_s...llo11_stamp.htm.

Mine is the 4th signature. Note the date 17th July 1969. The lunar landing was on 21st July 1969 (Australian time) - 20th July 1969 (US time).

I'd come back to Sydney for the weekend to see my fiancée (now wife) so I saw it on TV like the rest of the nation.

Ron