Thread: The Strain On Defence Force Families.

Originally Posted by justinc

Cmon you lot, I know it can be a pretty touchy subject but it is STILL becoming a tit for tat bickering getting nowhere series of posts, AGAIN!!. It's like breakfast time with teenage children arguing over who drank the last of the milk... :-(

Jc

Yes, but this is far more important than that. You stand up for what you believe in. or not. I make valid points, and can back them up, with facts, if needed. Justinc, you can make a joke of this if you want. It is not a joke. Bob

Mmmm, Bob I can assure you I do not treat any of this as humorous. Least of all peoples life experiences, and views on this subject.

I was merely pointing out that the original feeling/ direction of this thread has become lost in all the bickering and so on.

I am sure you can appreciate where I am coming from.

JC

It's interesting to read this thread, and take from it the obvious personalities and their passions, however, the biggest thing that comes to mind, is that of all the people I know that have joined any of the forces in the last 15 years, duty to country has not been a consideration, instead other factors like a free degree, better pay for an apprentice, my brother/sister/mate earns good money for doing sweet FA - why not me?, better than what I'm doing, I don't know what I want to do yet, are the typical reasons.
Off the back of those reasons, it is a choice born by want, not necessity, nor countries need. And many, take their experience and/or qualifications out of the defence force to earn a good dollar in the private sector. And would do so regardless of the strains felt, as the defence force was a means to an end.
Others I know have completed their degrees at a financial cost, or their apprenticeship living at home, or gone mining at a huge personal cost.
But everyone of these people has considered their options, and made a judgement call based on pay, conditions, future, family, as well as the downfalls of their chosen path, be that low pay, or the possibility of being deployed, or being away from their family for over 75% of the year.
This is not meant as a slight to the career members or anyone else currently or past serving, but as an observation of those that I know personally who have joined the defence force and their reasons. They have all treated it as I would consider any job prospect and weighed up the pros and cons.

Originally Posted by Trundle

It's interesting to read this thread, and take from it the obvious personalities and their passions, however, the biggest thing that comes to mind, is that of all the people I know that have joined any of the forces in the last 15 years, duty to country has not been a consideration, instead other factors like a free degree, better pay for an apprentice, my brother/sister/mate earns good money for doing sweet FA - why not me?, better than what I'm doing, I don't know what I want to do yet, are the typical reasons.
Off the back of those reasons, it is a choice born by want, not necessity, nor countries need. And many, take their experience and/or qualifications out of the defence force to earn a good dollar in the private sector. And would do so regardless of the strains felt, as the defence force was a means to an end.
Others I know have completed their degrees at a financial cost, or their apprenticeship living at home, or gone mining at a huge personal cost.
But everyone of these people has considered their options, and made a judgement call based on pay, conditions, future, family, as well as the downfalls of their chosen path, be that low pay, or the possibility of being deployed, or being away from their family for over 75% of the year.
This is not meant as a slight to the career members or anyone else currently or past serving, but as an observation of those that I know personally who have joined the defence force and their reasons. They have all treated it as I would consider any job prospect and weighed up the pros and cons.

Thank you Trundle. Bit of an eye opener. I guess I am a dinasour. I joined to serve, Bob

Originally Posted by justinc

Mmmm, Bob I can assure you I do not treat any of this as humorous. Least of all peoples life experiences, and views on this subject.

I was merely pointing out that the original feeling/ direction of this thread has become lost in all the bickering and so on.

I am sure you can appreciate where I am coming from.

JC

I can. Thank you, Bob

Originally Posted by bob10

I joined to serve, Bob

And thank you to yourself and others for doing so.

Will start this post by declaring I am very much in favour of our servicemen and women being paid considerably more than currently.

I think people perhaps forget that often this is more than a job. Sure not always but sometimes, and in my experience of my military friend, it is about doing something for your country and in this case it entails putting your life on the line. This, in my opinion, is something in this country we do not value enough. And in my opinion the same goes for the Police.

So I will say thank you to all the men and women who are doing what I and I think any others of us should have done and served our country so I support them getting all our support

Some of you speak of a career, some of you speak of a job ..

I joined up and had a plan, which lasted all of three months, and took me nearly 7 years to get back on track.

Then when the opportunity to do what it was that I had signed up to do came up all of a sudden I couldn't go because I was med class three.

In the mean time could I train up this dude to take my place. I did this and overall at the end of the day he didn't pass the course, no fault of mine, but that's ok since we've found out I'm mec class three because I'm pregnant I should be able to go. Nope we will send him anyway because he can get the pre-requisite skill set.

I left the first time because of it and got completely frustrated to the depths of hell and back over the exit process, it took me weeks just to get the paper work in and when I finally got out, just to add injury to the insults that left me feeling so empty, my medals, just got handed over to my now ex wife to give to me. She just gave them tonne and said someone dropped these of for me to give to you, open up the envelope nd there you go, there's my gong.

Thanks.

I joined up again and at the end of a long story, after years of stress and a handful of events that should have never happened and thanks to the ineptitude of the way they were handled others no way they can ever be proven or delt with, I've got just a job, every effort I've ever made to restart what I though my career should be. Had been shot down. and so far for the blast two years all the add has effectively done is wanted me tonseperare my pwrsoanl life from my work life so I can do my job.

So now what was my family is now no more and that's irecoverable I spent the last three years struggling to hold it together and failed, so I got on with moving on my life and I've called on more support from this forum than I've the right to and tha is for those who have helped.

But I've moved on and all the problems with my personal life are all but gone so why am I still getting more and more stressed out? Why can't i sleep? Why dont I feel better.

Here's why,

I lay here wondering if the problems in my personal life weren't the cause of the stress that wrecked me? What if it was the military? And it fits because now I don't have any problems left in my personal life the stress must becoming from somewhere and since the only thing in my life is the military....

Here's why I think it happened.

Everyone just wants to cover their ass, they want to make sure that there were no problems on their watch. in 18 odd months I haven't averaged more than 5 hours sleep in a night and most of that's broken. In the last 4ish months I'm down to three and most recently I'm down to less than 2 hours of broken sleep a night. In the last week I've had 2 nights I haven't slept and tonight will make three.

It's all stress related I've got the psorisis that sometimes weeps blood to prove it,.

But everyone just wants me to compartmentalize the issuse deal with them.one little bit aat a time, which is great for a while but if you partially flood or overload enough compartments you still sink the ship even though no one part completely failed.

The simple truth, now fewer than 5 times I've been suicidal the first time it was the simple action of one person that put an end to it happening, I had it planned, bought and sharpened the k ice and everything. In the irony of twists it was her letting me help her and using that very knife to help get some stitches out that made the difference, I had her leg pinned under my arm and was working the stiches free worried I was hurting her and the whole time she was apologising for holding me so tightly because she didn't want to hurt me. It was enough, just enough but at the time it was more than anyone else was doing. Twice more that same girl was there for me, when no one wkswwo
The most recent time she couldn't be, so I tried the only system left that I should have been able to rely on, only to find the number didn't work, I'd even tied the noose, I sat in the foyer balled up quiet alone and the only reason I didnt, I couldn't find somewhere I could get up to that had enough drop height for that to work.

I've Been sent to psych but again, it's an ass cover, all I have to do is lie convincingly to them. It easy bunch of yes no questions and your food to go, say the right words tell them you have a coping strategy and the is for coming see you later off you go.

And now I have a new CO, top bloke he's pretty Much every thing I thought the new doctor was going to turn out to be and we've gone the hoops again and I'll go theough the hoops again. The thing that I'm most disspointed in myself with him is while he was going through what he had to go through with me he prided me for my efforts on the trip I did when I first met him, e used the words Herculean effort and I never had the integrity to tell him, no sir, that was all of about thirty percent.

They preach at us that diversity is important but so rarely do they really listen, all I wanted from my career was to do my job, to fix things to get it so that other people could use the things I fix to do their jobs to keep all of you safe. Then to go on and do my bit and pass on the knowledge and skills to the next generations that would follow in my steps to have robust and honest answers as to why we do what we do. To pass on all the skills the defence gave me.

But now, no I don't have the faith that i could ever look an iet in the eye and be honest about why we do what we do even if I could I doubt they'd care.

I love my job, when I get to do it, and now I can't even do that. Everyone wants to tell me there's more to life than just work but its not work, doing my job when I get to do it is fantastic if I could work out how to get the money grubbers of my back and work out free food and shelter I'd do my job for free, I do it in my job in my spare time because I like it that much, some of you know of it there's not much better in my world than coming out and putting my hands on tools and using those skills to help people and make friends along the way. And it's even better when I get to pass along the knowledge that helps others get that little bit more out of what they've got to work with, use it a little better make it last a little longer. To do for others what they can't do for themselves,

Diversity, treat each case on its merits they say, so why does everyone think money is so important to me? And they must think it because after taking on nearly three months of perhaps the worst course I will ever be assosciated with just to get the ability to get on and do my job I now can't do my job all I get told is at least I get paid more. I don't want the extra money, I want the job and it's not there

Everyone wants to always know why I go on so many exercises, it's simple, that's where I get to do my job, hats when I get to wind it up and actually do what it is I'm supposed to do when generally speaking the support systems that are mnt to be there to enable me.to.do my.job are actually there and working like they should. I've seen it on my one shot overseas with the army to swing loads from a crane but I can only.imagine what it's like to be able to do this job I'm supposed to have live, inliked driving cranes and doing it to help out in the Solomon's was magnificently better but that was just a job, to be able to do something I'm so passionate about to support the thing I used to believe so deeply in... That I can only.imagine and will probably only be ever able to imagine, I'm too broken, the honour from doing its gone,

Some people have asked me why im going to tindal? Why I cut short a posting that if I was told I'd have to give up my career progression but I could stay here doing this job till I retired I'd have jumped at in a second? Simple the girl that I have to thank not fewer than three times for keeping me here so I can keep trying to fix the things that don't fix themselves got sent there, she made it so easy to fall in love with her and she's the only support the defence has had to offer she has always made me feel as though I have something to offer always told.me tht I make her fell better, like she has something to smile about. And again truthfully it was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life and it took me less than a heartbeat to make. When some one tells you they love you and keeps on the phone for hours just to make sure your still there asks you if you could come to tindal with them you say yes. Of they hadn't posted me I'd have quit and walked, let's face it after you get told your not welcome at the birth of your son, there's not a lot left here for me.


There's more, a lot more but I'm prob a my already going to get in enough crap over this.

But here's an invitte to whoever signed off on out reduced travelling rates, I don't know what you think they pay us but most of your defence force doesn't drive new flash cars we drive second hand ones because its what we can aford, the roads out there are no better than they used to be, Some of them are worse, I'm.going to drive from Ipswich to tindal, feel free to park yourself in the passanfer seat of my car while I drive up towing a trailer full of thenstiff I've worked so hard to own that toll won't move for me because "that's not authorised to be moved, normal.people wouldn't have that"