The Prince of Darkness

**one_iota** · 24th June 2005, 05:11 PM

Nice post from hobie18 on outerlimits4x4 rover forum:

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden,
unexpected darkness."

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any
prob...

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's
Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use,
nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had
trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas makes the refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

**DEFENDERZOOK** · 24th June 2005, 06:16 PM

that is so true.....it is almost funny......

**one_iota** · 24th June 2005, 06:32 PM

It's all true.

I have had some problems with my indicators.

I pulled out the flasher relay and in the process suffered second degree contusions requiring plastic surgery.

Noting the brand "Lucas" on the cover I removed the cover to reveal its gory contents.

There is a tiny spring that restrains a very small plate that is supposed to oscillate to control the the on off cycle. The spring had become unattached.

I examined the spring under my microscope and it was branded "Lucas"

Lucas should stick to its day job.

:roll:

And most of this story is true. 8O

**DEFENDERZOOK** · 24th June 2005, 06:36 PM

Originally posted by one_iota
It's all true.

I have had some problems with my indicators.

I pulled out the flasher relay and in the process suffered second degree contusions requiring plastic surgery.

Noting the brand "Lucas" on the cover I removed this

There is a tiny spring that restrains a very small plate that is supposed to oscillate to control the the on off cycle. The spring had become unattached.

I examined the spring under my microscope and it was branded "Lucas"

Lucas should stick to its day job.

:roll:

if they did that we would have 24 hour darkness.....

**one_iota** · 24th June 2005, 06:44 PM

[quote=DEFENDERZOOK]

Originally Posted by one_iota

It's all true.

I have had some problems with my indicators.

I pulled out the flasher relay and in the process suffered second degree contusions requiring plastic surgery.

Noting the brand "Lucas" on the cover I removed this

There is a tiny spring that restrains a very small plate that is supposed to oscillate to control the the on off cycle. The spring had become unattached.

I examined the spring under my microscope and it was branded "Lucas"

Lucas should stick to its day job.

:roll:

if they did that we would have 24 hour darkness.....

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

I pity those hardy souls at Mawson Station and to be sure I wont be using Lucas Springs next time I want a 2" lift. :wink:

**DEFENDERZOOK** · 24th June 2005, 06:48 PM

lucas springs is what they use on their geminis in bankstown.....

**one_iota** · 24th June 2005, 07:05 PM

[quote=DEFENDERZOOK]lucas springs is what they use on their geminis in bankstown.....

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Also used by the upholsterer in the seats it seems.

disco95 · 24th June 2005, 07:08 PM

This explains why, When I put my foot on the brake, the parkers come on. Or even better, if I have my lights on and put my foot on the brake, I can turn off the ignition and take out the keys, and the motor still runs. If I brake the circuit, ie: take my foot off the pedal or turn off the lights, the engine stops. :roll:

**DEFENDERZOOK** · 24th June 2005, 07:20 PM

thats a safety feature....it keeps the engine running while you are breaking....
if you should accidently switch off the ignition and pull the keys out while you are still trying to stop...it will keep the engine running so you will have power assistance for the brakes......

yeah....thats what its for........ 8O

**DiscoTDI** · 25th June 2005, 07:26 AM

Ahh the answer to my question, why would people drink warm beer and now I know that it is out of desperation it is acceptable [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

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