Thread: Dealing with a stalker - Suggestions

Stuns me how much time and energy some will exert to avoid "being a good citizen".

If they put the same effort into their normal lives they'd be well off and much less stressed.

Originally Posted by Ace

Hi Loanranger,


I cant speak for the WA Laws and how they deal with these thing but I can give you an idea of what we advise people to do in NSW. I've been a member of the NSW Constabulary since 2009, in that time I have seen a huge decline in the ability for people to engage in conflict resolution and deal with problems as adults. These issues are far easier to deal with when one of the parties deals with the situation as an adult, as you have done, it becomes difficult when people resort to violence or threats etc because as a Police Officer it sucks having to charge a 'victim' when they take the law into their own hands as much as the other party may deserve what they got.


These people are great at harassing people and doing things normal people don't to but they will be the first ones running to the police station to make a report if you step out of line and cry victim.


In NSW all personal violence matters are reported directly to the courts (provided an actual offence has not been committed). If someone is sending harassing messages, stalking, following etc a person can make an appointment at the court house, make a brief report with their name and that of the offender and a time is scheduled to face the magistrate and plead your case for an AVO. If the defendant named in the AVO fails to show up they are more often than not granted.


Yes it is true that an AVO is only a piece of paper however they give police a new offence to charge the harasser with, Breach AVO. Ordinarily if that person drove down your street, came to your work place or went within 100m of you there would be no offence, now police can arrest the person and charge them if those conditions are written into the AVO.


I didn't read all of the 6 pages of replies thoroughly however I skimmed them all and get the gist. The best piece of information is to get a diary and keep a track of everything that happens. Should an AVO be an avenue later down the track its important that you are armed with all the information you can possibly have to present to the magistrate to prove you need one. Dates of incidents, times etc helps paint a clearer picture.


For many people a situation is hard like this because we don't think the way these people do so its hard to understand what motivates them. Like already mentioned stalking/harassment can be a precursor for escalated behaviour so its important that you cover yourself.


Not sure if that helps, happy to answer any questions but like I said I don't know how the system works in WA.


Matt

Very good advice. Scrap the big talk - its letting the stalker control you. These issues are about power - the stalker wants to have power over the other person. Don't give them that power.

If you take the law into your own hands you're actually doing exactly what the stalker wants by giving the grounds on which the stalker can make trouble for you by complaining that you have acted wrongly.

First law of strategy is never do what the enemy wants you to do. Choose your own path to achieve the result you want.

Sent from my SM-G900I using AULRO mobile app

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

Very good advice. Scrap the big talk - its letting the stalker control you. These issues are about power - the stalker wants to have power over the other person. Don't give them that power.

If you take the law into your own hands you're actually doing exactly what the stalker wants by giving the grounds on which the stalker can make trouble for you by complaining that you have acted wrongly.

First law of strategy is never do what the enemy wants you to do. Choose your own path to achieve the result you want.

Sent from my SM-G900I using AULRO mobile app

Not sure where you're coming from Discomick I've never said I was going to do anything to the perp or even approach them. I know the letter was an attempt to intimidate and cause stress.

I have repeatedly stated my intent to not step outside the law. I spent 5yrs working inside a maximum security prison I know how easy it is for people to end up inside for doing something stupid.

I respectfully suggest you reread this thread as this is your second crack and I believe you have the wrong end of the stock.

Originally Posted by loneranger

Not sure where you're coming from Discomick I've never said I was going to do anything to the perp or even approach them. I know the letter was an attempt to intimidate and cause stress.

I have repeatedly stated my intent to not step outside the law. I spent 5yrs working inside a maximum security prison I know how easy it is for people to end up inside for doing something stupid.

I respectfully suggest you reread this thread as this is your second crack and I believe you have the wrong end of the stock.

I don't think Mick was suggesting that, merely agreeing with what I said on not taking the law into your own hands because these people love playing victim and using the law as a tool the benefit them.


As I said, you've dealt with this perfectly and this would no doubt be frustrating them a great deal.

As an aside, I have a friend of mine who has been on the receiving end of all sorts of abuse from a neighbour and it has been escalating for the last 8 years or so. Luckily for him he is a level headed bloke and although his (now proven to be) crazy neighbour keeps provoking him to get a reaction, he has kept his mouth shut and his actions within the law - which must really annoy her!

He has had to go to court twice because of her and it has been thrown out both times. That is not including the multiple, spurious accusations leveled at him which have been proven false too. By not reacting as the aggressor wants, you will save having the 'victim' card thrown back at you, especially in court.

The best thing he did was install cameras, which dropped her stupidity by 90% - but hasn't quite stopped it. This was some good advice he took from a Police sergeant. I don't know if cameras may help in your case though. In his case, he now has a mountain of evidence of bad behaviour in full colour and sound to back up his diary for the time he may have to take further legal action.

Either way, keep doing what you have been doing, don't provoke a reaction and you will eventually beat them at their own game. It's just monumentally frustrating in the meantime. Best of luck.

Ultimately, I think the best outcome is that one of his so-called mates pulls him aside and says "Look mate, your making a fool of yourself and there's no way you can come out of this looking good no matter how you try and dress it up. Let it go and move on."

Originally Posted by loneranger

Ultimately, I think the best outcome is that one of his so-called mates pulls him aside and says "Look mate, your making a fool of yourself and there's no way you can come out of this looking good no matter how you try and dress it up. Let it go and move on."

Unfortunately some people cant, they have it in their head they are right and are hell bent on achieving something that is only and will only ever be known and understood by them.

Originally Posted by Ace

Unfortunately some people cant, they have it in their head they are right and are hell bent on achieving something that is only and will only ever be known and understood by them.

The copper we spoke to yesterday shook his head and said 'I don't understand what's going on in the mind of this fellow'