What was your most Crap Car?

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Originally Posted by PhilipA

My friend has just restored a six cylinder coupe . 3 speed and all.
Goes like a cut cat.
He had Kmac make up a Bathurst spec front anti roll bar.
It was metaflake candy apple red when he bought it and he has left that colour.

It joins his D type replica, MGA, and Morris Cowley.
There is really no hope for him.

I forgot a couple of my dogs.
Austin 1800 Mk1. A good car which I bought cheap with 36000Miles on it . Driven by old lady to church. Trouble was all the valve seals were gone and it used prodigious amounts of oil. But I figured oil was cheaper than fixing it. It was a good car and served well for several years with few problems. I couldn't keep a top radiator hose in it. They kept blowing where the heater hose was glued on. They handled amazingly flat and ditto the Kimberley.

A friend also had a Kimberley which I drove up the Goulburn Valley loaded with 4 people and wine filling the footwells. A Datsun 1600 was trying to pass but couldn't catch us. Amazingly I met him years later and he told me the story.


I also had a HA Viva which I went from Brisbane to Adelaide in to attend a wedding. Never missed a beat although the oil filter housing someone had bent, pushed out the gasket just out of Jerilderie on a freezing morning. Refitted it, filled the oil and continued. Drove it from Brisbane to Charleville then down to Cunnamulla one long weekend when the road was dirt. Did the suspension bushes but that was all. Falcon ute passing at St George broke our windscreen then it rained all the way back to Brisbane. Character building.

Oh and a VW 1600 squareback which I prepped for offroad with an engine rebuild including a Porsche 356 cam grind and raised the suspension.

Oh forgot my Renault 16TS . Fantastic engine and used to cruise on 105Mph every day on the way home from work at Broadmeadows along Quarry Road. I spoiled it by having HD shocks on it when I had the front arms straightened.

AND the R12. I bought for peanuts with a shredded interior. I was able to buy a whole interior for I think 50 bucks. One of the few tickets I have got was on the way back to Melbourne from Canberra to sell it and a cop got me with an amphometer for 78MPH. What a great little car it was.
Regard sPhilipA

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Yes the 3 speed 6 cyl Morris Marina went like a cut cat , you could almost say they were dangerous, it is a pity there handling did not equal there performance . That Morris Minor suspension was too out of date , they would have been better off using Macpherson struts which would have been cheaper than Torsion Bars & a lot less trouble . You could buy Telescopic shock absorber kits for them which made a big difference . The early ones had a problem with the steering rack securing clamps which allowed the rack to move sideways in the clamps , they bought out modified clamps that stopped that. As with the P76 they had stick on plastic woodgrains that started to peal off the day you parked it in the sun. The Marina TC had sports filters That didn't stop gravel from entering the motor so the motors did not last very long in them usually needed a rebuild during Warranty if you were lucky , if you were not you wore it. The 1800's you could do the valve seals with out removing the head . Get it on TDC pressurize the cylinder , compress the spring then fit new seals . the air stopped the valves from dropping , They were such good cars .

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Originally Posted by DazzaTD5

This whole thread is a dilemma, the above Lada Niva (a wagon version) was one of my favs, awesome offroad, the bearings on the gearbox basically needed rebuilding from new, factory paint runs inside the car, the wheels were an odd 15.5 or some sort of half size that you couldnt actually buy tyres for it, so once the factory tyres wore out you replaced both the wheels and tyres (as with the above pic). It was a fiat design but built by gov workers back in the soviet days. If I could find one I'd prolly buy it.

I have had a few "stop gap" vehicles that I never claimed ownership of but generally cars I own I've never thought as rubbish. Growing up as a kid my parents owned BMW oil leaking, oil stinking, unreliable heaps of rubbish.

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It was ugly, Rough as guts and perfect in so many ways [biggrin]. The hot spot under the left foot with the exhaust pipe pipe heat up the floor so much a 3rd degree burn was possible ( an avoidable issue by keeping the left foot off the deck on very hots days [biggrin] Never happens in WA MUCH [bigrolf]

I owned a Mini 850 at one stage. Totally gutless. Also, the window winders kept falling off as you drove along.
Main benefit was the back seat was well suited to snogging. [emoji16]

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Originally Posted by Bigbjorn

The six cylinder Marinas were bloody dangerous. The handling was so bad.

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The Marina front suspension was absolutely identical to 1950/60's Morris Minor.
With the favourable power/weight ratio they were quite a quick car but as you say, had atrocious handling!!

Same engine as Austin Tasman/Kimberley and P76 (6 cyl version)

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Originally Posted by Discodicky

The Marina front suspension was absolutely identical to 1950/60's Morris Minor.
With the favourable power/weight ratio they were quite a quick car but as you say, had atrocious handling!!

Same engine as Austin Tasman/Kimberley and P76 (6 cyl version)

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We had a few as company cars at Leyland Truck & Bus. Quite quick but dangerous understeer with that heavy lump of an engine hanging out front. The reps that had them hated them with a vengeance and they had an appalling accident record.

People who formulate fleet buying policies are rarely high mileage drivers. They are usually accountants who buy cheap. They never realised that if the staff who drive their selections hate them then they will go out of their way to destroy them. One rep at Tutts Machinery Group used to drive his Sigma brisbane to Goondiwindi in second gear hoping to blow it up. Others aimed them at every pothole

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Originally Posted by DiscoMick

I owned a Mini 850 at one stage. Totally gutless. Also, the window winders kept falling off as you drove along.
Main benefit was the back seat was well suited to snogging. [emoji16]

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Window winders? You had a late model 850. Interestingly wind up windows on a mini was an Australian innovation. The poms said it couldn't be done.

I liked driving 850's and Hillman Imps. You aimed them at virtually any corner and rarely needed to lift off. They just tucked in and went around. I drove a new Hillman Imp from Brisbane to Warwick one late night for the Warwick dealer. Foot flat on the floor 80% of the way. A real hoot on a winding road.

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Originally Posted by DiscoMick

I owned a Mini 850 at one stage. Totally gutless. Also, the window winders kept falling off as you drove along.
Main benefit was the back seat was well suited to snogging. [emoji16]

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.......so long as both of the snoggers were afflicted with Dwarfism.

For a decent Snogging Platform you couldn't go past a 1924 501 Fiat Tourer. Like a double bed in there & was used to it's full capabilities especially if one lifted the front seat out & placed it in the back in the foot space as an infill. So I was told. I know this bloke well & he wouldn't fib.[biggrin]

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Originally Posted by DiscoMick

I owned a Mini 850 at one stage. Totally gutless. Also, the window winders kept falling off as you drove along.
Main benefit was the back seat was well suited to snogging. [emoji16]

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Back in the day I used to own a Holden Sandman, Put a matrass in the back and it took "snogging" to a whole new level[bigwhistle][biggrin]

This is a fascinating thread...onya guys.[thumbsupbig]

It is amazing at how many cars I have previously owned that have appeared here.

The LJ 50 3 cylinder two stroke Suzuki fourby. I traveled all over southern NSW and northern Vic in mine. Bought second hand and basically a trouble free machine. Fantastic on the bush tracks and in paddocks.

The Lada Niva. A firm favourite with me. It pulled a trailer full of gear and with wife and two kids on board. Never let us down when touring. Immensely capable in the bush too. However it did blot its copy book by splitting its internally mounted petrol tank.....bogged it up and was good as new. Never saw any rust in it.

The XJ Jeep Cherokee. What a great performer and immense fun on dirt roads.....constant four wheel drive.......and excellent in the bush. I had two of them. A 96 which was totally reliable and a 98 update model which claimed world wide ownership of the 'unreliable' tag and had a penchant for riding on the back of RACV trucks. It's best ever party trick was when doing 100 kmh on a rural highway and the left hand front brake activated itself and locked itself on. We slewed from side to side on the bitumen as I tried to control it and prevent a roll over. Jeeps response was to only replace the brake fluid and give the car back to me. All the mechanicals near that faulty wheel were glowing red and after wards retained a permanent burnt orange colour.

But before all the fourbys was a 1957 FE Holden but not as GMH made it and was repainted in GT Gold with a white top.

A very modified engine, twin exhausts, twin carbs, straight line Impala floor gear shift, track rods and the car was lowered so I had trouble getting onto some service stations forecourts when fuel was needed and it needed a lot. 11 mpg was normal and a lot more if leaning on it, rear uni joint never lasted more than 10,000 miles, gear boxes were a consumable and the new fangled Vredestein Radial Tyres were a good thing. The engine burble on a trailing throttle was almost as good as that produced when the loud pedal was pressed. One saving grace was that somehow as a 19 year old kid I somehow recognized that this car could kill me so I organized private, advanced driving lessons from a pro race car driver......must have worked 'cos I'm still here.....hehe.

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Originally Posted by Grumbles

.......It's best ever party trick was when doing 100 kmh on a rural highway and the left hand front brake activated itself and locked itself on. We slewed from side to side on the bitumen as I tried to control it and prevent a roll over.........

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May years ago I driving north along the Newell south of Forbes. I was travelling at the speed limit, or maybe one or two over. I was passed by a new Toyota Crown (Shows how long ago this was). As he faded into the mirage, I saw a cloud of dust. As I came up to the spot, I found that the Crown was on its roof off the right side of the road, and the driver was just climbing up onto the road.

It seems that one back wheel bearing apparently seized, locking a rear wheel. He said he managed to keep it on the road until the tyre blew, and then he lost it.