Thread: MELBOURNE OBSESSION WITH TOILET PAPER

Originally Posted by 4bee

As Bernard Wooley (from Yes Prime Minister) would say....."Just changed the wording on my phone system to say" we have no toilet paper Today"

Sung to the tune of "Yes we have no bananas")

I did hum for a bit for a most unexpected reason during the chaos tonight. My usual pathology collection driver has an occasional stand in. She is nice enough. Yesterday I could see she wanted a chat but I was flat chat. She bailed me up tonight. Apparently a esteemed German lawyer is aware the boss is lying thieving and more on PCR results. Not entirely sure what the hell she was on. I did suggest a Navy mate flat earther might me masquerading as a German Lawyer and she might need to double check the sources?

She assured me his sources are impeccable high level doctor and scientists I did ask for one of the esteemed references. They are of course secret so they do not get tossed in a secret prison. Her statement she has intuition on these topics plus left me speechlessly thrilled she chose to leave before I fell on the floor or called the CAT team. Psychiatric crises support for her or me?

To adjust your song to "Yes we have bananas"

This toilet paper obsession is a good argument for ìnstalling bum-washing toilets, which are more hygienic anyway and would save a huge amount of paper.

Originally Posted by NavyDiver

To adjust your song to "Yes we have bananas"

That sounded more like "Yes we are bananas". Never knock a good conspiracy theory when you need a laugh.

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

This toilet paper obsession is a good argument for ìnstalling bum-washing toilets, which are more hygienic anyway and would save a huge amount of paper.

The whole we're in a drought due to AGW and we have to save water thing is so yesterday. Or have we forgotten? FFS.

Originally Posted by Tins

The whole we're in a drought due to AGW and we have to save water thing is so yesterday. Or have we forgotten? FFS.

Water savings are needed. I wish the plumbers I called would turn up! One of my loo's is leaking a bi. The cistern into the loo not on the floor happily.

Not lazy just to busy to fix it myself over the last week. Just found two hours I did last night at work last night I cannot get back that would have given me time to fix the leak

The tree fairy's might bite my bum again despite moving from 10 boxes of paper per month to sub 1 now. I spent a few hours last night making Permits to get to and from work for my staff and Doctors. Just read they are not required for people who have permits for the prior times here. Wiping my bum has a sheet or two if the dunny paper chaos really did make the highly unlikely bumaggedon

Originally Posted by Tins

The whole we're in a drought due to AGW and we have to save water thing is so yesterday. Or have we forgotten? FFS.

How about a non-stick, aerosol spray for the anus (did 'Aerosol cover that?) which would be left in the toilet and applied before each bowel evacuation?

"Dag Off", 'Dagex', 'ShinyRs' or something may be the go.

Originally Posted by NavyDiver

I did hum for a bit for a most unexpected reason during the chaos tonight. My usual pathology collection driver has an occasional stand in. She is nice enough. Yesterday I could see she wanted a chat but I was flat chat. She bailed me up tonight. Apparently a esteemed German lawyer is aware the boss is lying thieving and more on PCR results. Not entirely sure what the hell she was on. I did suggest a Navy mate flat earther might me masquerading as a German Lawyer and she might need to double check the sources?

She assured me his sources are impeccable high level doctor and scientists I did ask for one of the esteemed references. They are of course secret so they do not get tossed in a secret prison. Her statement she has intuition on these topics plus left me speechlessly thrilled she chose to leave before I fell on the floor or called the CAT team. Psychiatric crises support for her or me?

To adjust your song to "Yes we have bananas"

JEEEZAS James, it is a game of Russian Roulette when you go to work each day.



It was a shame that TELSTRA discontinued issuing Phone Directories as they were very convenient at times like this, although the use of the yellow pages made one's arris look like one was on a course of Quinine. White Pages just gave one's arris the appearance of just been through a Bush Fire.. It is the black ink you see, it smeared all over the shop, & one's arse.

The Spreadsheet "News" papers were handy if torn into small (6") squares whilst sitting astride the Crapper wiling the time away & gazing out of the door & pondering life. They were as bad as the White Pages.

Both of the above mostly always hung on a 3" Flathead nail hammered into a Mortar Joint in the dunny or if you were posh & skilled with the hands, a piece of cleverly twisted fencing wire to make a holder.

It was very important to use a Flat head nail & not a Round head, as the first gust of wind through the left opened door could see all your hard graft in Mrs /Ms Jones back garden with the chooks.


Hand crumpling made them more acceptable though.


I reckon we have lost a lot of Life's Important Skills with this Covid crap.


The good olde days, eh?

I suppose we could just adopt the Indian system and use our left hand.

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