Thread: Jokes

A TOUCHING STORY

A small boy named Hameed lived in a village in Morocco. None of his
classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his
teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy
Hameed!!!

One day Hameed's mother came into school to check on how he was
doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply
a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such
a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked
at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to
another town!!!!!

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio
disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart
operation, which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no
other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was
successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor
smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.
Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell
him something but eventually died!

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong,
when he turned around he saw our friend Hameed, working as a cleaner
in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his
Hoover!!!!!




Don't tell me you thought that Hameed became a ****ing doctor !?!

As far as I am aware Australia is the only country where a dark horse can be called a fair cow!!

A young farm lad wanders into the kitchen " Mum... Where's my breakfast"

His mother looks up at him.. " You've got to do your chores first boy, eggs need collecting and the pig need feeding and the cow needs milking - then you can have your breakfast."

The young lad is pretty unhappy about this and goes about the chores in a filthy mood.

He kicks the chicken out of the way to get to the eggs.

He kicks the pig on the way to the trough.

And when the cow pushes against him he kicks that too!.

When he finally sits at the kitchen table... he is given a bowl of dry cornflakes.

He yells "Mum, where the milk?... and where's my bacon and eggs?"

His mum calmly says...

" I saw you kick the cow.... so no milk for a month"

" I saw you kick the chicken.... so no eggs for a month"

" And I saw you kick the pig.... so no bacon for a month"

Just then his father walks in, nearly tripping over the old cat.... and kicks it out of the way.

The lad looks at his mum....

"Are you going to tell him or am I ?"

Balls and interesting observations

1) The sport of choice for the urban working class is football
2) The one of choice for the white headed brigade is bowling
3)The one of choice for the university graduates is rugby
4) The one for the tradesman people is basketball
5)The one for the middle management is tennis
6) The one for the executives is golf

THE amazing facts are, the higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Canberra playing marbles.

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.
When the Priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father ... During World War II,
a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide
her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
The Priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell Father, she started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times
a week and sometimes twice on Sundays."
The Priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great
danger but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness and the pleasures
of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
"And what is that ?" asked the Priest. "Should I tell her that the war is over ?"

"Blessed are the cracked?.

For they are the ones who let in the light."

Ah! The blessed Defender!

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