Thread: Jokes

It's not really a joke, just a little piece of real life, but I can't think of anywhere more appropriate to post it...

A friend got one of those little USB-connection CD/DVD drives for his laptop (which doesn't have one built in).

The "quick installation guide" said....

"Please read the User Manual carefully before using the product, especially the safety and operating instructions.
These can be found on the provided CD."

And, no, it wasn't made in China...

To lift the tone a little, here are a couple of Biblical jokes:


Motorcycling is in the Bible: Moses had a triumph at the Red Sea.


Tennis is in the Bible too: David 'served in the courts' of Saul.

Three tradies were discussing who had the oldest profession. The brickie said his must be the oldest because ancient brikies built the pyramid. The landscaper said no as his was. We built the hanging gardens at Babylon. The sparkie was sitting there with a grin on his face. We beat you guys by millions of years. When God said 'let there be light" guess who had already run the cables.

Originally Posted by jx2mad

Three tradies were discussing who had the oldest profession. The brickie said his must be the oldest because ancient brikies built the pyramid. The landscaper said no as his was. We built the hanging gardens at Babylon. The sparkie was sitting there with a grin on his face. We beat you guys by millions of years. When God said 'let there be light" guess who had already run the cables.

Seems to me that the profession most widely regarded as being the oldest could be described as "Whorlage Contracting".

I was being polite

Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist

A circle, a rhombus, a pentagon and a scalene triangle walk into a bar. The rhombus says to the circle: 'Your round'.

Two pirates walked into a bar, one said to the other : 'Your hook!'

DL

Microsoft's Latest Venture

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive15, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.

It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive15 suite consists of three products: Condom15, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive15 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive15 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.

While Contraceptive15 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package.

At installation, the Condom15 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One precaution is that the user must be sure they have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive15 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply and Onboard Camera.

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic that "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."

Originally Posted by digger

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic that "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."