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Thread: Jokes

  1. #2911
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    Irish Brothel

    Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat,
    Watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
    The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.
    "Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.
    "Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
    No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,
    Knocks, and goes inside.
    "Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"
    They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi
    When they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.
    "Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman.
    "One of the girls must have died.?
    D4 2.7litre

  2. #2912
    Bob Harding Guest

    The Thermos

    An airhead walked into a novelty store. She saw a shiny thermos
    and asked the clerk what it was. The clerk said, "It's a thermos. It
    keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." The airhead was so
    impressed, she bought one. She got home, and could not wait to
    show off her new thermos to her co-workers. She walked into work
    the next day, and it was not long before one of her peers asked
    what that shiny thing was. The airhead said, "It's a thermos. It
    keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." Her co-worker asked,
    "Well, what do you have in it now?" The airhead proudly announced,
    "Two Popsicles and a cup of coffee.".

  3. #2913
    Homestar's Avatar
    Homestar is offline Super Moderator & CA manager Subscriber
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    That's very PC Bob - using 'airhead' instead of Blonde...
    If you need to contact me please email homestarrunnerau@gmail.com - thanks - Gav.

  4. #2914
    Bob Harding Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by bacicat View Post
    That's very PC Bob - using 'airhead' instead of Blonde...

    Well I have been told I try hard --- or was it just very trying

  5. #2915
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    The way women think

    Husband's Text Message to wife:



    Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.

    Paula brought me to the Hospital.

    Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.

    Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects.

    Wound required 19 stitches.

    I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture of the left leg, and amputation on

    the right foot is a possibility.



    Love you......

    Wife's Response:



    Who the **** is Paula?
    D4 2.7litre

  6. #2916
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  7. #2917
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    I just figured how to get rid of that annoying noise I hear in my car when approaching the speed limit... I opened the door and pushed her out.

  8. #2918
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    seen before?
    Attached Images Attached Images

  9. #2919
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    Employee from hell

    An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets
    > dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and
    > building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and
    > flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
    >
    > One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So,
    > how's it going down there in hell?"
    >
    > Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning
    > and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
    > engineer is going to come up with next."
    >
    > God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he
    > should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
    >
    > Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
    > keeping him."
    >
    > God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
    >
    > Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are
    > you going to get a lawyer?"
    D4 2.7litre

  10. #2920
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    A woman getting on a bus

    As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
    Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
    She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
    So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time, she attempted the step.
    Once again, much to her annoyance, she could not raise her leg.
    With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
    About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
    She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
    The Texan smiled and drawled, " Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends."
    D4 2.7litre

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