Thread: Jokes

A man and a woman are standing in an elevator at a medical practice
The man, making small talk, asks: "So, where are you going?"
"I'm going to donate my blood" said the woman.
"If you don't mind me asking, how much do they pay for that?" he asks
"About $30 for 500ml" Replied the woman.
"Wow, all that blood for $30? I'm going to donate sperm, and the sperm bank is giving me $100" He exclaims.
Frustrated at the inequality, the woman leaves the elevator, feeling as though she is being ripped off.
The next day, by chance, they meet again. The man says: "Nice to see you you again, where are you heading today?".
"Two teh spehm bahnk" she replies triumphantly

Originally Posted by 123rover50

Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this:

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
But what makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q. R S T. U V W X Y Z
are represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 =118%


So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bull**** and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
*******
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Now you know why some people are where they are! __________________

I've already fallen foul of the no politics rule, or I'd have something to say... lol.

End-of-Week Stock Market Report
Helium is up and Feathers are down. Paper is stationary while Escalators continue their slow decline. The Raisin market has dried up and Toilet Paper has reached a new bottom.

an aussie goes to the pub for a few beers.
on entering the front bar, he is surprised to see a donkey, which is obviously the main source of entertainment.
a guy in the bar explains to him that the donkey's owner is accepting $20.00 from anyone to try to make the donkey laugh.
if someone does it they get all the money, otherwise the donkey owner keeps the lot.
so he put down is 20 bucks and walks up to the donkey and whispered something in its ear.
the donkey immediately burst into peals of laughter, finally wetting itself.
this is the first time this has ever happened, but the donkey owner is quick, and immediately offers another deal, for double or nothing.
the challenge this time was to make the donkey cry.
the guy accepts, subject to being allowed to take the donkey outside, which he does.
almost immediately he returns with the donkey clearly in tears and sobbing.
the second lot of money was his as well.
after he had shouted the bar a few times, someone asked him how he got the donkey to laugh.
"simple" he said, "I just told him mine is bigger than his."
"so how did you make him cry?" was the obvious next question.
"I showed him"

Insanity is hereditary, it is caused by kids!

Employee: We need to stop testing our products on animals
Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Employee: Yeah... But we make hammers.

Originally Posted by jx2mad

Insanity is hereditary, it is caused by kids!

I'm not sure that's a joke......

Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist

I'm not sure that's a joke......

Yes its a Joke. Otherwise Mitch would have said "But we sell Gas".