Went for a job interview today as a rubbish truck driver.
I asked do I need any experience?
Interviewer said no you just pick it up as you go along.
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Went for a job interview today as a rubbish truck driver.
I asked do I need any experience?
Interviewer said no you just pick it up as you go along.
Little Johnny and his mum are on their way to meet his new baby cousin Freddy. Mum says to Johnny "darling, baby Freddy looks a bit different to most people; he was born without ears. The doctors think he'll be able to hear, but he just has holes where the outside bits of his ears should be. Aunty Sally is very sad about it, so please Johnny, don't say anything about his ears"
"Ok mummy!" Says little Johnny. They get to aunty Sally's house, and after a while, Johnny has a turn of holding baby Freddy on his lap. He asks, "Aunty Sally, is Freddy's eyesight ok?"
"Yes Johnny, the nurse said he has perfect vision"
"Oh, good" replies Johnny
"Why's that sweetie?" asks Sally
"Because he's ****ed if he needs to wear glasses!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eevo
I bet the boss had used that a million times before.
Rubbish Truck or Rubbish Driver?
My wife just found out that i replaced our bed with a trampoline.
She hit the roof.
My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with snooker.
To be honest, I think she just needs a break.
Pizza is round, It comes in a square box, you eat it in triangles.
Attachment 164081
If you understand this you understand women [biggrin]
My urologist's office called the other day and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the phone due to the coronavirus. One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed (via email) to administer my own urine test.* This was to avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctor's tell you to get at Laverty Diagnostics, because they're shutdown too.
Directions:
Simply go outside and pee on the front lawn.
If ant's gather: *DIABETES.
If you pee on your feet: *PROSTATE.
If it smells like a barbecue: *CHOLESTEROL.
If your wrist hurts when you shake it: *OSTEOARTHRITIS.
If you return to your house with your penis outside your pants: ALZHEIMER'S.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rick130
Bastard, you had me going there.[bigrolf] I thought how in the hell did Rick do that? **** in the hand piece?[biggrin]
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she sat happily in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan.
One afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well Cinderella since you have lived a good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was overjoyed. "I wish I was extremely wealthy", she said.
Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Alan, her cat, jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering with fear.
"Oh thank you Fairy Godmother," said Cinderella.
"Is there anything else you might wish for", asked the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I was young and full of the beauty I once had."
At once, her wish was granted. Cinderella felt feeling inside her that she had not felt for years.
The Fairy Godmother said, "you have one wish remaining, what shall you have?"
Cinderella looked at her frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish for you to turn Alan, my old cat, into a handsome young man."Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a change and then before them stood a young man with the looks and body that no other man could match.The Fairy Godmother again spoke "Congratulations Cinderella. Enjoy your new life," and with that, she was gone.For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Alan looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most stunning, perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Alan walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms. He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath,
"Bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don't you?"
