Thread: Jokes

Ungrateful?

Make love/sex 3 times every day, Exercise twice every day, 3 meals cooked for him every day. He gets time to read two books or more each week as well. The guy is grumbling about being in prison

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Originally Posted by 4bee

Thanks Sash & it doesn't sound like you are the Rasputin type of my dreams after all. Not a bit of it. Scrub that,or this bunch will get the wrong idea. I have been in favour of UV since about day 4 & good ventilation soon after & wonder why it has taken so long for the"knobs" to consider it.

Thanks again.

Can't resist it... "Because it must be 'Against The Narrative'. " (For an easy and / or Effective treatment)

Seriously, UV- C is THE killer. Available also in hand-held torches.. covered in dire warnings & Cautions.
The ultimate UVC flashlight list (The best of 2021) by 1Lumen.com

Originally Posted by superquag

Can't resist it... "Because it must be 'Against The Narrative'. " (For an easy and / or Effective treatment)

Seriously, UV- C is THE killer. Available also in hand-held torches.. covered in dire warnings & Cautions.
The ultimate UVC flashlight list (The best of 2021) by 1Lumen.com

Back then I was thinking UV, similar to that which Butchers had in their Cool-rooms (or did, unless they have been banned by now). I wasn't aware of the the specs or dangers that were involved though, you'd walk in & the lamp was usually right in front of you. I visited one of our,( at the time) sales man's homes & using the dunny, I wondered what the particular odour was in the room. Turns out he had installed one (unseen) in his exhaust fan somehow & the pong was apparently the decomposition of the "Bacteria????". Unless it was concealed elsewhere in the dunny, but I never saw it. Maybe there was also a UV Lamp somewhere.
Perusing this post since early Covid days, I found plenty of lamps online available for insertion into Air Cond Duct-work
From what little I knew of it it seemed like they could be used where ever UV was a benefit.


I believe Rick 130 & Diver have had some experience with these applications.

Here you go Gav...lol

Humour

"Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless." An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile. This year's submissions:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.
I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Probably belongs in the other thread, but the young'uns might think its a joke

OLD FART PRIDE

It's not a bad thing to be called an Old Fart. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the National Anthem, Old Farts remove their hats and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old Farts remember World War II, Normandy , Spitfires and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Bomb, Vietnam , the Korean War, the Cold War, the Moon Landing and all the Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005. If you bump into an Old Fart on the pavement, he will apologise. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are polite, particularly to women. Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. Old Farts get embarrassed if someone swears in front of women and children and they don't like any filthy language on TV. Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag except about their children and grandchildren. It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the Air Force, Army, and Navy. This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values. We need them now more than ever. Thank Goodness for Old Farts. Pass this on to all the "Old Farts" you know.

I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them