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Thread: Jokes

  1. #7911
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gav 110 View Post
    Maybe grumpy old buggers thread??
    Or should it go into conspiracy theories???
    JokesJokes


    Shirley the one with the bloke with the wonky engine that makes crap noises?.

  2. #7912
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    Homestar is offline Super Moderator & CA manager Subscriber
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tins View Post
    What gets me is that the arbiters of this are Google, but the links I often post are from YouTube, a Google company. If people cannot see the issue with that then they are seriously stupid.
    The videos you post that are deleted here by the Mods are also demonitised on Youtube based on the same criteria as Adsense - if they are demonitised on Youtube, you can't post them here. Anything that mentions Covid, guns, swear words, and 100's of other words will automatically not have ads on them - it's an automatic system there but we have to do it manually. If you don't see an ad before a Youtube video, then you shouldn't post the link. Even if it has ads, it may not have been up long enough for the algorithm to demonitise it, so you should always be cautious of any video that has the previously mentioned trigger words in it ANYWHERE in the video - spoken or written.
    If you need to contact me please email homestarrunnerau@gmail.com - thanks - Gav.

  3. #7913
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    დიდება უკრაინას
    Рашка парашка

  4. #7914
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    How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

    I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

    How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

    Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

    What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

    Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.

    I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

    A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

    She had a photographic memory, but never developed it.

    Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

    I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

    My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.

    The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.

    I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

    I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

    Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

  5. #7915
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    დიდება უკრაინას
    Рашка парашка

  6. #7916
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    That sounds like a lot of Fizz to me Sash.

  7. #7917
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    I think this needs moving to conspiracy theories as the human body is about 80% water
    And I hear plenty of gas coming from my kids bodies
    Their will have to be some carbonation coming from some form of waterJokes
    1985 110 Dual Cab 4.6 R380 ARB Lockers (currently NIS due to roof kissing road)
    1985 110 Station Wagon 3.5 LT85 (unmolested blank canvas)

  8. #7918
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    Quote Originally Posted by Homestar View Post
    The videos you post that are deleted here by the Mods are also demonitised on Youtube based on the same criteria as Adsense - if they are demonitised on Youtube, you can't post them here. Anything that mentions Covid, guns, swear words, and 100's of other words will automatically not have ads on them - it's an automatic system there but we have to do it manually. If you don't see an ad before a Youtube video, then you shouldn't post the link. Even if it has ads, it may not have been up long enough for the algorithm to demonitise it, so you should always be cautious of any video that has the previously mentioned trigger words in it ANYWHERE in the video - spoken or written.
    A few more steps down that path, and the phrase 'Best 4x4xFar' will be..... Forbidden.... as will any reference to a 'Randomly wandering motorized ground vehicle'
    However singing praises of a (dunno where...) manufactured off-road vehicle with a funny name.... will be ok.
    - Y'know, the one which (fictionally) has the identical suspension etc of a previously- famous British vehicle...

  9. #7919
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    What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?



    ............Aye Matey!
    'sit bonum tempora volvunt'


  10. #7920
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    Someone asked me what my friends and I do, now we're retired.
    I told them that we're fortunate to have a chemical background and one of the things we enjoy doing the most during retirement is converting beer, wine and spirits into urine. We get together and do that every day and we really enjoy it.
    Roger


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