Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Tins

What gets me is that the arbiters of this are Google, but the links I often post are from YouTube, a Google company. If people cannot see the issue with that then they are seriously stupid.

The videos you post that are deleted here by the Mods are also demonitised on Youtube based on the same criteria as Adsense - if they are demonitised on Youtube, you can't post them here. Anything that mentions Covid, guns, swear words, and 100's of other words will automatically not have ads on them - it's an automatic system there but we have to do it manually. If you don't see an ad before a Youtube video, then you shouldn't post the link. Even if it has ads, it may not have been up long enough for the algorithm to demonitise it, so you should always be cautious of any video that has the previously mentioned trigger words in it ANYWHERE in the video - spoken or written.

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How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

She had a photographic memory, but never developed it.

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

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Originally Posted by sashadidi

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That sounds like a lot of Fizz to me Sash.

Originally Posted by sashadidi

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I think this needs moving to conspiracy theories as the human body is about 80% water
And I hear plenty of gas coming from my kids bodies
Their will have to be some carbonation coming from some form of water

Originally Posted by Homestar

The videos you post that are deleted here by the Mods are also demonitised on Youtube based on the same criteria as Adsense - if they are demonitised on Youtube, you can't post them here. Anything that mentions Covid, guns, swear words, and 100's of other words will automatically not have ads on them - it's an automatic system there but we have to do it manually. If you don't see an ad before a Youtube video, then you shouldn't post the link. Even if it has ads, it may not have been up long enough for the algorithm to demonitise it, so you should always be cautious of any video that has the previously mentioned trigger words in it ANYWHERE in the video - spoken or written.

A few more steps down that path, and the phrase 'Best 4x4xFar' will be..... Forbidden.... as will any reference to a 'Randomly wandering motorized ground vehicle'
However singing praises of a (dunno where...) manufactured off-road vehicle with a funny name.... will be ok.
- Y'know, the one which (fictionally) has the identical suspension etc of a previously- famous British vehicle...

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?



............Aye Matey!