Thread: Jokes

Serenity is no joke really.

The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. Very nice, but I think they may have misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

Originally Posted by p38arover

The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. Very nice, but I think they may have misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

LOL ...love it,

Regards

Stevo

A redhead goes to see her doctor.

"Everytime I touch something it hurts" she explains.

The doctor asks her to demonstrate by touching her head

She touches her head and screams in pain.

"Can you touch your leg?"

Again the redhead screams in pain.

"Just once more, can you touch your other hand for me?"

Once more the redhead screams in pain.

"Hmmm.." says the doctor, "You're not really a redhead are you?"

"No, I'm blonde, how did you know?" she asks.







"Because your finger is broken.............."

Originally Posted by Phoenix

Come on, let's have your jokes, but a reminder that this is a G rated forum, so keep the rest in the mudpit

The old thread is now locked.

(added by incisor)

it was locked because it is getting big.

that jokes thread is the 3rd or 4th one we have had over time. it wasnt locked becuase of the content as some are trying to assert.)

OK

A guy is sitting in a bar and notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen,walk in and sit 3 tables away.
He motions to the bartender to come over and says to him "Give that lady a bottle of your best red wine with my compliments"
The bartender does as the gentleman asks, but the lady writes a note and asked the bartender to deliver it to the gentleman, The gentleman accepts the note which reads " For me to accept this bottle of wine you must have the following, 2x houses, at least a porsche a million dollars in the bank and a 10" pe#$s." The gentleman writes a note back to the lady which the barman delivers and she opens it to read:" Well for your information, I have 5x houses, a porsche, lamborgini, maserati and a aston martin, I have 22 million dollars in the bank, but not for a woman even as beautiful as you will I cut off 3 inches!!"

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight
he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.

The airline had a policy which required the first officer to
stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and
give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline."

He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment.

Finally, everyone had gotten off except for
a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"

"Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?"

The little old lady said,
"Did we land or were we shot down?"

The Queen and Princess Anne are out for a drive in one of the Queen's Range Rovers. Suddenly some armed robbers leap out of the bushes and stop the car. "Give us the money," they shout at the Queen.

"But I'm the Queen of England, I have no need for money." "Oh, $h1t," says the leader of the armed band, and turns to Anne. "Give us yer jewels." "But I don't wear my jewels all the time, only on state occasions."

The armed robbers look fed up, when suddenly they hear the sound of wailing sirens approaching. "Quick, out of the car! We'll have the Range Rover at least," and with that the robbers drive off.

As the Queen and Anne are waiting for the Police to get there, Anne turns to the Queen, "What did you do with all the cash you had? You're always loaded."

"Ah," says the Queen, "I saw the robbers and in the few seconds before they got to the car I rolled up my notes and tucked them into that little place that only women have." Reaching under her skirt, she produces several thousand pounds in notes.

"And what did you do with your jewels? You always wear lots of jewellery, my dear." The Queen says to Anne. "Well, like you, in those few seconds before the robbers got to the car, I slipped off my rings, necklaces and tiara, and like you, slipped them into that little place that only women have." Reaching down she plucks out her jewellery.

They both sit quietly for a few minutes, before the Queen turns to Anne "You know, if Fergie had been with us, we would still have the Range Rover."

This traveling sales man goes to a brothel and asks the madam for the fattest, ugliest girl and a burnt chop. The madam explains for an extra $100.00 he could have the prettiest girl and a three course meal.
He replies, It’s ok I not horny, I’m just home sick!