Thread: Random Silly Stuff. (Although very Important to the Alpha Males)

Very funny thanks.

Very funny dear

Chores

A husband is at home watching a football game when his Wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly."

To which he replies, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have a Westinghouse logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then, would you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're a mess and a real hazard."

"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have a Black and Decker logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so." He continued, "In fact, I've had enough of all your Bickering. I'm going to the bar!"

So, the pleasant husband goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. Sometime later, he starts to feel guilty about his treatment of his wife, so he decides to return home and help out with the chores.

As he walks into the house, he notices the steps have been repaired. Then, as he enters the house, he notices the hall light is working again. And, to top it off, when he goes to get a beer from the fridge, he notices the fridge door has been fixed.

"Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"

His wife replies, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then, a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either have sex with him or bake him a cake."

"So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" asks the husband.

"Hellooooooo!" she replies emphatically, "Do you see a Betty Crocker logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to use
this logic.......

A husband and wife are travelling by car from Sydney to Cairns. After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and
they decide to stop for a rest.

They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep
for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four
hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.

He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly
aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate,
the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the
hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were
available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them," the man
complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for
which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York,
Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we
didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
pay.

He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised
when he looks at the cheque .

"But, sir," he says, "this cheque is only made out for $50."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my
wife."

But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could
have.

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

* 2 litres of low fat milk
* a carton of eggs
* 2 litres of orange juice
* a head of lettuce
* half a dozen tomatoes
* a 500g jar of coffee
* a 250g pack of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.


While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single"

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was Intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Subject: The Cat

One hot December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a
sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all
matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to
the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat."

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us
know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said,
"OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that
it was his WIFE that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my husband
"El-Cheap-O," my husband calls him "El-Take-O." They love to hate each
other and constantly "snipe" at each other, with my husband getting in
the last word on this occasion. The next day my husband had an
appointment with his doctor, who is located next door to the vet. The
doctor's office was full of people waiting to see him. A side door
opened and in leaned the vet - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.


He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's
pussy is finally clean and shaved and she now smells like a rose. Oh,
and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!"
And he closed the door