Thread: Geez am I banana annoyed

Originally Posted by Aaron

Graceys dad - Having been through this trouble, what advice would you give to young parents? Is there a "day one" thats in your mind that trouble started? How would you do things over if you had a chance?

Ah ha hah hah ha! What makes you think a parent is going to tell you that!
Learn for yourself!!

Just jokes! I think if the answer was that easy it would be in a book, and if it is in a book, they probably teach it to the kids in school so they know if they're being hard done by and how to be rotten in new and exciting ways!

Since I'm feeling a little bit game here GraceysDad, please allow me to share my experience. I'm not trying to lecture, just maybe give some perspective...
I'm 24 now and didn't get along well with my old man as a teen. We lived 15km out of a small country town and the only access I had to seeing my mates was a lift. He didn't like my mates, (drinking, funny smokes) and therefore didn't make with the lift often.
At about 15 I started nicking off on my (unregistered) dirtbike and riding it via farm tracks and dirt roads into town, at night, no lights. Dad would blow up, take the ignition off the bike for a few days, then eventually we'd truce, the bike'd be fixed and the whole situation would repeat itself.
Anyway, on one of my trips into town, I came off on a nasty gravel stretch. Nothing broken, but I knocked a fair bit of bark off myself. Dad flipped when I got home and basically did the "until you learn some respect, you're not allowed in my house" bit.
So I flipped him off, got on the bike and buggered off. And being fifteen, the only place I had to go to was the mates my dad hated. THEIR parents didn't give a stuff what we got up to.
Now you can imagine all the things that you don't want your son doing? Within 12 months I did 'em all. And i mean ALL. I figured I wasn't under his roof, I could do what i wanted (which, to my teenage mind, was defined by everything he objected to). I ended up pretty much one (small) step up from dead in a gutter. I started 'borrowing' cars.
My girlfriend died of an overdose.
It could very easily have been me.
I know dad was only doing the "tough love" routine, but thowing me out and giving me free reign was like handing a loaded gun to a mental patient. (i really believe teenagers are hormonally insane!) I might've been a handful, and we might've fought, but I was a hell of a lot safer at home than on the streets.
Anyway, That was when i started to clean up my act. I asked my parents for help. I moved back home, and Dad fixed up mum's old ford festiva for me. We lived on acreage, and dad set the deal from the start - I could treat the thing like a go-kart around the farm, and drive however i liked, but the moment it left the front gate without a licence, it was sold.
Dad used to race mini's, and spent a few hours every weekend teaching me about how a car handles skids etc. The main thing he set out to teach me was that you are allowed to push your car and yourself to your limits, provided you have controlled conditions, never on the road. The first time the car let go I smacked a small tree in our yard. I thought I was completely in control. It scared me witless to know that it could've been an oncoming vehicle.
I've done defensive driving courses since, but the problem with defensive driving is just that - it teaches defence - you know how to avoid sticky situations, not how to handle them if they crop up. Certainly no defensive driving course that i know of encourages young people to learn to "hoon" safely (offroad or on a track, in controlled conditions).
I read how you think that your son might learn your bad habits behind the wheel. I can guarantee, he's much more likely to invent some that are a lot worse if you let his mates be his guide to driving technique.

Sorry, that was a bit long winded. I'm no expert - just a kid who is lucky his old man gave him another chance. I nearly went a whole different direction...

(we get on very well these days, by the way...)

I have to agree with 45tr0. I've had similar experiences. and a note on the tough love thing, it doesn't work it makes matters worse.

Xav

Seems to me, both from my experience, and from what I've read here and elsewhere, that:

all teenagers are mad
punishing them doesn't work
being soft on 'em doesn't work

Best thing to do is get calm about it yourself and ride out the storm.

Cheers
Simon

I'm stunned with the honesty written here, congratulations everybody.

I did some stupid things in my teens, and am still alive (aged 61) because I realised that I couldn't trust myself in any fast car. Hence my first vehicle was an S2A Landrover (things don't get much slower than that).

From personal experience Production Car Rallying at the lower levels is a great way to let off steam.

Parents have to learn to allow kids to make mistakes, even encourage them to make mistakes, but in a a controlled way. That is life's hardest lesson.

Just hang in there folks and wait for the teens to be over.

the way I see it is that he is rebelling against you. You said that you got the car to get closer to him and share some time with him etc. He wrecked the car and this may have been a way or rebelling against you...or your attempt to get closer to him.

Do not give up!

We have just had to spent the last 5 years dragging a 'child' through courts, rehabs, biths of grand children and stuff which you may not believe.

He is now 24 and still carries on with grog - even though he is way better than he used to be.

Any way, my point is to bring hime closer, say you are going to sell the car and DO IT!. Find some other way of getting closer to him, maybe a sport or something. How about camping...this will have the effect of taking him away from the peer group he is with and giviing him a more family oriented environment. Also, a middle child may feel ignored as with 'middle child syndrome'.

Boys don't grow up as fast as they used to - around mid twenties they are equal to when we were around eighteen I feel. They don't have the responsibilities we had.

I hope this was constructive

Originally Posted by graceysdad

Well Zenn I hear you in every way, I would dearly love to send the little gremlin packing , this is where mum and I differ and thats the problem.

I just noted the above and would like to say that you MUST be on the same wavelength as each other to get this kid through this...

G'day Folks

I have read this thread with interest, and at a young 64, I have trouble in understanding the Pschycologist's bit about the male brain not being hard wired until they are in their 20's, what about the millions of teenagers that fought in 2 World Wars, and responded to commands and orders, then went on to become good citizens, it is just the popular "Rights not Responsabilities" thing pushed by the current Pscho-Babblers, it is more about "must have now" than if you want it save and buy it, parents are parents not "friends" one only has to look at the lower forms of animal life and realise that the young often get taught by parents in not so gentle manner, IE big cats with young, dogs with pups, that, what a parent should do by instinct, and not by social enginering experiments, a case in hand is "Dr Spock" 40 years after his book he eventually admitted that he was WRONG and how many Millions of kids/people did his little tombe mentally screw up

Rant Over

P.S. and yes, I was a sneeking, coniving little sod.
cheers