Thread: The book, An introduction

Usually, people accuse me of being less than subtle, I'm typically the first person to tell other people that Im the kind of guy who cracks walnuts with sledgehammers, yes I know that its not the neatest way, it makes more work later but smegdamnit no ifs, no buts and no maybes I crack that walnut each and every time.

Sayings like "I dont compromise, Defeat is when your enemy beats you, compromise is when you beat yourself." and "Subtle is for people who are willing to be open to misinterpretation and are willing to waste time explaining things again after it goes wrong" or "I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong" as well as "well we could do it your way but when that fails we're going to wind up doing it a second time my way and since I'm lazy and not in the mood for wasting my time I'm just going to do it my way and when you get round to getting your bit fixed and ready to mix in with my bit then you can come and get me from over there." and my personal favorite "yep you can do it that way but unless you happen to like hearing me smug I told you so's at you when it goes wrong I'd recommend you do it the way I suggest"

Just occasionally tho, in the spirit of trying not upset my wifes social cirlces I must, no I'm forced to concede the effort of political correctness. But I have my limits if I'm trying to dodge out of doing a repair on your car by means of mechanical gobbldeygook its best not to question my motives Im either telling you the truth or I'm lying to you. If I'm lying to you its probably because in spite of my own desperate desire to come out and plainly say "look its not that I cant do it Its just I dont want to nor am I going to help you as I think you're a complete idiot." Its for no other reason that Im under strict SWMBO instruction to play nice. Chances are If I've dropped that line at you and you get ****ed off enough to abandon my social group in a huff that everyone is going to be happier for it. Dont fret about me loosing sleep over you being upset and not telling me about it because its about as likely to happen as a boat person saying "Australia, no, thats not where we want to be, can you guys point us back in the general direction of somewhere else, no dont worry about us, we'll be fine, in fact can we compensate you for your troubles so far?"

If on the other hand you're not quite that bright and you decide to call my bluff on the gobbledy gook and I tell you to your face, deadpan and serious that "No, I dont like you, Im not fixing your car for free" Questioning that and asking me to tell you the truth is most likely to result in "huh your ears are actually just as useless as the rest of you, except they have the functionality of keeping your ear-rings out of the dirt." At this point I consider myself no longer obligated to abide by my wifes social circles as you are entirely too stupid to be permitted to be friends with my wife, Id prefer if you left on your own devices but I'm happy to drive the wedge in niiice and deep. I know stupidity isnt catching but I'm not willing to take the risk.

Oh, at no point should you bring up in any kind of conversation that your friend who is also one of our friends got work XYZ done for next to if not nothing is exceptionally likely to wind up with you being told in public in my "speak to people on the other side of the field" voice "I'm not seeing your point I like them so I did the work for them I dont like you so I dont do the work for you".

Side hint.

looking at me with teared up puppy eyes is pointless. I have a great recipe for sauteed puppy eyes with salted tear sauce.

Ok in the last few weeks Ive been kinda bored, (and hot I dont like darwin, and yes, the next darwinite that comes at me with "but its kind of cold right now" while wearing a long sleeve shirt, jeans is going to get punched in the head, and taken somewhere where its about 4 degrees and have me whine at them about how its kinda warm while I stand there in a tshirt shorts and thongs.) I think Ive personally taken boredem to whole new levels. This is exactly how bored I've been

I downloaded a small APK into my laptop to transfer to my tablet but hadnt bought the cable with me to do so and nor did I have an adaptor for the microSD card or anything else to do it the easy way. In accordance with the "standing up in a hammock" therom I had a 30 second think about how I could transfer a 1.5ishK binary from one computer to the next without actually connecting the 2. hrmmm, both have basic on them I know...

essentially my I have time to kill plan was

• make a unicode reader to display the bytes out of the file
• read the file one byte at a time from the laptop
• write a unicode writer on the tablet
• enter the file one byte at a time on the tablet
• install the file.

yes, it works and 3 hours later... it worked.

something you need to know about me being bored. Dig back far enough into the documentation of a certain unit and you will find a standing order. A standing order that reads "TPR Fare is not to be permitted to be both bored and unsupervised." I am exceptionally talented at finding ways of being not bored, how you view the outcome of my inventiveness depends on if you're observing or you're above me in the chain of command.

now Im a mechanic, I fix things in the airforce that dont fly and as the guys who use the stuff that I fix to fix the things that do fly havent been breaking the things that dont fly Ive had very little to do. we bought say $45k worth of gear with us in the container thats got all the tools in it and the most commonly used tool has been my coffee machine. That includes the jumpstart pack and the multimeter. oh and apparently I have to do security on the aircarft during the airshow.

Some things you Don't know about the FA-18F type aircraft. And some things I may or may not have said during my otherwise boring day

• the 3 big bomb looking things underneath them who told you they're fuel tanks they're actually thermonuclear weapons, Thats why we have the tape up 15m away from the aircraft a person every 5 meters and the dogs patrolling, notice how on the display aircraft they aren't fitted and you're allowed all the way up to the aircraft. its a hiding in plain sight kind of deal
• Yes. you can have a ride in one, you can actually fly one, they're fully automated once they're started all you have to do is start it, throttle up steer it onto the run way then hit the launch button, the plane does the rest. The pilots are only there for decision making and as a backup in case the OS does the blue screen of death.
• The skin is held on with superglue, can you see any rivits, nuts or spotwelds on it, no? like i told you superglue
• usually to start it we just tow it with the towmotor much like towstarting a car.
  yes, thats true, sometimes we dont have towmotors available, thankfully like the spitfire it can be crank started with the inertia flywheel, see the small round panel on the side of the engine? thats where you put the crank handle dont believe you can crankstart and aircraft? why dont you go over to the museum guys and ask them to show you on that aircraft right there.
• the whole plane is held together with one big long bolt sort of like a metal shiskabab thats right, the different coloured pointed cone is the head of the bolt and if you look at the back, that drop down arm is acutally the combined nut and spanner thats used to hold it all together, if we find a loose one, we just pull that down and tighten up the nut. then slide the tool back into place.
• the small arm on the front of the nose wheel is the handle that we use to pull the jets round, yes thats right, just like a pallet jack. its not too bad, but Im a bit lazy so usually I get a mate to help me out with it.
• its not actually an ejector seat as such, once the pilot decides he wants out the canopy pops up and away then special reaction jets fire and push the plane down away from the pilot, inertia prevents the pilot from following the plane. Thats correct sir, this is done as its less harmful to the pilot we havent had a complaint about sore backs or pulled muscles since we moved to this ejection method.
• folding wings? no they dont, ohh I seee, well we requested X amount of space and only got y, we just cut the undersides of the wings and bent them up to get 8 planes into the space of 6. Structural problems? nahh the plane can fly missing up to 30% of each wing if it has to but we've only cut them at 25% and we're planning on bending them back and aralditing the cracks.
• yes sir you're correct it is actually a conspiracy, yes this conversation is being recorded, what do you mean wheres the cameras, the cameras are up in the light poles and the canopies of all the aircraft the microphones are all in the pins and badges that we are wearing and have been selling. (holding my finger to my ear) "yes, anotherone, yes, Ive been asked about the bombs sir, Do you want me to tackle him or are we just going to get the bus again? no, I dont think we'll need the dogs" what was that, sorry sir I usually only do technical equipent service so Im not very good at 2 converstations at once, GPS trackers? only in the pins sir, theres not enough metal in the badges to ground wave the antennae.
• yes sir, we have a perfect safety record, we haven't left one up there yet
• yes sir, they have an Ipod dock coffee cup holder, reclining seats, split system aircondition and an auxillary ciggarette lighter socket yes but, No they dont have the lighter in them as smoking in military vehicles is against ADF regulations.
• fuel? no, they're solar powered, the canopy glass is a new version of a transperent solar panel its highly effecient but to speed up the charging cycle we put the alfoil inside to reflect back anything that gets through.

my personal favorite.
"What are these?"
Planes.

sooo..

I havent written one for a while and its not because nothing stupid, irritating, irrational or just plain dumb has been happening in my life its more of a reason of acclimatisation little things like the drugged up freak abusing the teller because their credit card is being declined and getting arrested just seem well common place, almost like its the natural order of things for them to occur that way.

so in the same way that nature tends to sort people with honesty and integrity into one of 3 groups, politicians, lawyers and people that have those traits so I tend to sort the events as being bookworthy, comment worthy or meh...

recently I have a corker...

Hands up if you have a wife, significant other, friend, relation, aquiantance or person you've been forced to assist who, whilst shopping, manages to completely disprove Einsteins theory of relativity (the one a bout time moving slower for objects that approach the speed of light) by moving at speeds that when compared to some objects (and I'm thinking glaciers, buildings, dead turtles) would seem to render said object worthy of speeding tickets yet seeming to consistantly claim "I'll just be x minutes"? now typically x is an unfeasibly low number usually in single digits that short of the implication of some decidedly trecky or whovian technology like matter transporters are, within the known realms of physics, either impossible, largely impracticable or frequently both. If you have your hand up at this point, put it down you fool, this is a written word thing not a room census, if it was a census I'd have included a poll option or a multiguess pick the most appropriate box.

so heres me disco unlocked, keys in the ignition, radio on country with the windows down to help cool the car loading groceries into the back of the disco when under the guidance of the maxim of mental manifest memmorandum someone piped up "I forgot this I'll just go and get it I'll be back in 5 minutes"

Daves Maxim of Mental Manifest memoraddum.
Any person with an undocumented memorized list of items to be purchased or that does immediately posses the documented itemized manifest hard copy, while in the presence of another person they can make "stay in the line" will not remember the final third of the items until the unloading of the trolly onto the checkout has commenced.

First corollary
the more imminent the payment of the bill the further away from the point of sale the desired item will be located

first adjunct to the first corollary
items in this category must present no real inconvenience if not obtained but are to appear to have earth shattering consequences if not on hand when wanted most (100's and 1000's are a good example)

Second corollary
The actual importance of a forgotten item is directly proportional to the distance you are from the point of sale after completion of the sale

Recursive Recurrence Regulation
The Maxim of Mental Manifest memoraddum is recursively applicable to any subsequent passage though a point of sale. Recollection or alteration to the quantity of additional items incurred by any item on the initial mental list that incur the maxim of the mental manifest memoraddum will also identify other items that subsequently fall under the scope of the maxim of Mental manifest memoraddum and thus require additional passages through a point of sale. All passages through a point of sale are subject to the maxim of mental manifest memoraddum

Alex decided that packing groceries was no fun and bolted off with someone. I finished loading the groceries and it being a pleasant evening, sat on the bar of the disco in my working clobber pulled out the phone to have a quiet game of archmage to fill in 5 minutes. Somewhen between sitting down and the indeterminable return of the SWMBO murphy took a sideways glance in my general direction decided that I was either bored or enjoying myself way too much and was therefore mandated to intervene.

"Excuse ME"

that kind of self importance heavy opening greet will certainly get your attention and to someone with a finely tuned sense of moronitty kind of screams "I need you to make an idiot out of me", Curiosity aroused I waited for the cards to finish sliding on the phone and feigned half an interest by looking up.

"what do you think you're doing sitting on that car?"
"minding my own business. Why are you standing there in the road asking stupid questions?"
"Don't take that attitude with me I know that's not your car, why are you sitting on someone else's car"

thats a new one one me, I've either got a stalker or someones got a little OCD about discoveries needless to say I had the feeling at this point that this was going to provide a whole new dimension of entertainment that archmage alone just wasnt going to cut

"Because my cars not here to sit on, how do you know its not mine"
"Because you drive a much uglier green thing"

Which is not the kind of thing you say to a man if you want him to pay any attention to you

"you know you might have a point there, I do drive a green disco.... not sure I care enough to move yet tho...."

I'll just leave to your imagination the smugness with which I sat there and continued baiting while I nonchalantly swiped the phone occasionally paying about equal shares of attention to the phone (pretending to play an game long finished (I lost if you were interested)) and my surroundings giving the accuser just enough attention to enable me to "feed the troll" and shall skip to near the end of the exchange.

"you know, I'm convinced I should make a move." In reality Ive seen SWMBO coming towards the car park with alex and a couple of small bags of groceries
"I thought so, I knew I could make you do the right thing."
"youd want to to"
At this point Im talking over my shoulder to her as I walk back towards the drivers door shes looking at me like I just took a dump in my hand and flung it at her.
"what do you mean I'd want to to"
"Move," by now Ive got the door open keyed the engine to life and am in the process of putting my ass in the seat "Cause its not going to slow me down any if you're still standing there when I go to collect my wife in her car."


There may have been one or several expletives removed for the purpose of not upsetting the swear filter.

And the utter deflated look on her face was worth having to wait for forgotten groceries. I just wish I had had enough time to hang around watch her run through the rest of her gambit of expression before seeing if I could make her stutter out an apology...

ok I lied, theres been pictures before.... But I couldnt think up a title.

I've been called evil just doesnt have the ring of sinisterism to it that I Want to impose.

a couple of days ago, I was a mean man, I was nasty I was evil, Evil in a way that you've never read about or dreamed a man could sink to, The devil himself looked my way and looked on with stunned disbelief then turned away embarrassed with his efforts.

I may not have, but with the same likely hood may have in the past at shopping centers when young sproglet types are wailing about how they want a chocolate and their parent doesnt want them to have one while in the shopping center check out line patiently bided my time untill the parent just about had them under control before reaching over their groceries and kidlets picked up the exact chocolate that the now teary, nearly quiet save for some deep heavy post blubbering heaving breathed child wanted asked the checkout operator to scan it before quickly opening it and handing it to alex and proclaiming him to be such a good boy.

Great for some evil stares but compared to what I did, that barely rates as preshow entertainment, its more like the billboard out the front with the start time and the center name on it.

I was walking along hand in hand with alex when "daaaaahhhhhh" a break in the clouds lit up ahead at the pedestrian crossing we wanted to cross a young mum whose general appearance screamed dole bludging child factory living it up off centerlink complete with entourage of kidlets of varying young age. An older man in a suit was standing near by. It was for want of a better term set a godly invitation to create havoc of biblical proportions all that was missing was the actual pipe organ sound that usually accompanies such events in a movie. My imagination supplied that at precisely the same time as my cognivational sense compiled the just stopped blinking red man and the middlish sized trouble maker began tapping away at the button...

"Nuuuhp" was that just me or was my sudden intake of breath at the elation of the true wickedness of what I had imagined loud enough to be distracting.... with sharply inhaled breath held poignantly I took the next step closer to what happenstance should occur if all aligned. I didnt even think to slow motion slur speak "Cmmmmmooon Aaaaaaallleeeeeexxx, weeee neeeed toooo huuuuuuurrrryyyyyyyy" I just extended my stride and began to pull him forwards like we were going to time the light. And time the light we did...
It blinked to solid red.

As time returned to its normal pace and the light slowly moved on seemingly embarrased to be seen in the same place as what was about to unfold murphy seemingly sat on cashmums shoulder and whispered for her to scold the unruly button pusher. We tend to think alike me an murphy. I imagined briefly the fleeting hords of muppets chanting say it, say it.....

"it doesnt happen any faster if you keep pushing the button"

And the chior sang "heeeelllla luuuulyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

nary had the young cheque enhancer been drawn away from the button when yours truly "scused me" his way past the man in the suit and ignored the child trying to pole dance around the light pole under the button before, vocalization unbroken yet elevated into the everyone stop and pay attention this way commanding tones issued forth "Mums wrong kids. Watch this." in the same instance taking a knee in front of the button and hammering away at it.

Fast then faster, faster and ever quickening the speed at which the button was pressed in accelerated, soon button pushes were not adequately measures in presses per seconds heat began to develop from the surrounds, the return spring failed and the button was returning on harmonic percussive recoil, yet faster and humming birds wings slowed to illustrate the speed of which its cycle of in and out was repeated, So fast did it happen that my valiant vernacular vexed and vicariously I was forced to exaggerate.

So as quick as I could. This naturally had every childs present attention drawn to the strange man with a broad brimmed hat, larey shirt, grimey shorts, with grease caked legs wearing thongs and a 6 year old holding his not button pushing hand and the machine gun staccato being played out on the button when with no attention being offered to the passage of time

"quip.. dit dit dit dit dit"

"See kids the faster you press the buttons the faster things happen, try it yourselves next time"

and before the gobsmacked pram pusher could say a thing the man in the suit and the man in the hat with the 6 year old boy stepped off into the crossing. Just past bare seconds later and a few meters up path after the roadway meets the kerb I was rewarded by the sounds of chaos, the screams of children all trying to push the button quickly at the same time telling each other off for not letting them do it shieking as small limbs and bodies all tried to occupy the same space at the same time and just occasionally the clack of a metal stopped button being shoved in, I was imagining the pent wails of the parent when my joyful solice was broken.

"You're evil funny, but eeevil"

"Yes, Yes sir I am."

and serenity in the form of walking peacefully along in the brief sun of an other wise dreary day with my son happily along side of me returned.

it was an exultantly tormentuous moment. One I fear my son may never have the opportunity to inflict on a truely deserving soul.

Originally Posted by Blknight.aus

Registering fozzy... yep, one of those days....

the AULRO search does lead you to interesting things...

Found that one while looking for the blotting paper test.

Just a quick one...

Had a conversation with an officer who was having a bad day. Nothing to do with my end of the world, it was just one of those things, he was having one of those days that makes me write one of these things. He'd asked how the war was going, I told him I was winning and he told me he wasnt. I offered him some words of advise, just change your outlook Sir. When he queried me I just told him that lifes a lot simpler as a confirmed Chaotic Neutral Athiest Anarchist, this netted me the same kind of look I get from Alex when I try to explain complicated concepts to him, sure he's intereseted but confused so I have to try again using the kids words. "It's a lot more fun firing at random into the melee if you dont care who wins in the end".... Hrmmm, some sparks of interest there mayeb he even recognised a few words, I think I've got him dialed in.

Look sir when you're a loose cannon on deck you hit everything you fire at. Let someone else worry about pointing the ship to make your shots land somewhere that hurts their enemy more than them. nooo not quite there...

how about...

If you dont care what you're shooting at, you can call whatever you hit the target and If you dont care about collatoral damage you can up the Rate of fire without concern.

which was met with "I think I'm worried about you" Nahh sir dont be its just that you're not over on my side. "Thats fair enough but whose side are you on"

Sides Sir? who said anything about taking sides.

Silence.

Not sure If I helped or not

Remember this guy?

I think I saw him today He showed up along side the projection screen when the slide "CO's Stand Down Safety Brief" came up.

so after 2 days of driving round in agonising pain (broken toe and stress fractures as well as removed tonail) everytime I push the clutch in someones asked me for a quick favor, can I drop them off somewhere. Its on my way home so no problem.

he hears be grnashing in pain everytime I hit the clutch and he looks at me and says I thought you knew how to drive without a clutch.

I'm blaming the pain killers.

Well this is going to be a biggieI've got the whole Xmas break to cover and In case I dont get them down in the right chronological order the correct order should be

Speak English....
Its your responsibility If your translating from English
Pink Boxes, Snap on Tools, Post office
Well that was unexpected....
well that was fun.
Its so bad I cant jaffle it and the flies aren't going near it.


Overall (and I have put this in writing elsewhere) I suspect that Either murphy is working overtime to make up for my good fortune so far since going on holidays and is going to line up a pearler for me this year so fair warning to all..

1. you might be wasting a fair bit of your time laughing at my life in the next 12 months.
2. Just in case He switches from sniping at me and goes for the generic room broom or scatter gun approach, Dont be on the wrong side if murphies having a go, probably best to not be in the general vicinity the moon or mars is probably a safe distance.
3. I reserve the right to add more rules and change them as the situation demands without the requirement to tell you about it at all and if you go against the rule and I blow up at you then its all your fault and I accept no liability.
4. Yes I will probably get upset at you if you phone cam it and youtube it, do so and you may just come home to find your engines crankshaft and flywheel on your pillow (think of it as the modern day version of a horse head and be thankful I dont work at a race course )
5. Yes you are ment to be reading this with the same lite hearted mindset as with which its being written (cause everyone knows that Id really put the Cam shaft in the bed, its a lot easier to get out and its really where the brains of an engine is)

Hopefully though, Murphy has put the books in balance for my good fortune in the last few months and will leave it as status quo for a while. May all of you reading this have a good long safe new year.

Now most of you know that Im pretty cut and dry with what I believe in and what I tolerate and my pretty simple If I dont agree with it I wont begrudge you doing it so long as you do it way the hell away from me.


When your inability to integrate with my world is your fault welll you deserve it. Basically, If your going to work in a shop where I have to do business you had best speak english or have a translator hiding your incompetence or greed behind the fact you do not speak English when you've proven you do will, I hope have you fired.

Heres the situation. While in perth Ive gone into a servo, one that used to be a staffed all nighter with driveway service during daylight hours but is now a run down heap and were it not for the fact that I promised ID fill the car, it was on my way home the fuel light was on and I didnt know how far I'd get on the warning light but I knew I had to go about 30 Km for the next servo. This servo is now also cash up front, like american servos after dark. This I did not know.

What I observed as I approached was some turban wearing idiot (I learnt he was an idiot the hard way but lets leave that for now) behind the safety glass getting yelled and abused at by the driver of an old holden ute, a young bloke and well worked up. I was standing by the pump unleaded nozzle in the tank filler waiting for the pump to start, some blurby speech came over the PA and not hearing it I read the sign on the pump that said prepaid after 10pm. I headed over and put 20 on the draw while the ute driver said that the idiot didnt speak english and wouldnt turn on the unleaded pump.

Now this didnt sit well with me so I walked back and sure enough MR towel head had turned on the Premium vortex pump not the stock unleaded I walked back and ran into a communication problem... I did some pretty simple point at the premium sign shake my head point to the E10 standard unleaded thumbs up and nod only to be told "no e-10 only premium" hrmmm that sounded englishy. Not willing to deal with this place anymore (it had turned from what used to be a nice place to an unkempt dive) I asked for my money back. that didnt happen, apparently "no speak english" is the line that gets used when the decide they want to rip you off

By now the ute driver is laughing at me and hes abusing the teller. I felt like doing the same...

I got out my mobile phone and started making a phone call which netted me a "you cannot use a mobile phone here sir." I kept making the phone call and lo, the guy behind the counter is getting agressive and tells me he told me I cant use a phone here I have to pump my fuel and leave, in english... When I asked for my money back, I get no speak english... Hrmmmm..... I made it perfectly clear in very plain calm low spoken english exactly what was likely to happen to him and his servo if I didnt get my cash back right nowish

I keep making the phone call, not a pretendy one this time but a real one, to the local police, making a complaint about how someone was being robbed and there was a chance that there might be voilence if something wasnt done fast, they'd likely need a translator as I'd had trouble communicating with the teller as he was indian and had a rotten accent.

now when the cops showed up the guy in the ute was still making a bit of a dill so they went and spoke to him, then he calmed down and the cops with the translator came and talked to me, asked If Id called it in. I simply explained that I was the one that had made the robbery complaint because the indian took my money and wasnt providing the fuel, claiming he couldnt speak english when I asked for my money back and that the voilence was likely to come from the ute driver.

They came back after speaking at length with the indian and it transpired that he had told them (via the translator) that as he didnt speak english he didnt know that I wanted my money back but that I had made some very severe threats to him. One cop looked at the other and I could tell he was thinking what I was thinking... I of course denied making the threats because I had been very calm and patient the whole time. and sure enough a quick review of the tape showed me standing there patiently for about 3 minutes while I did the pay, walk back, mime out the different fuels thing, make the phone call then walk calmly back to the car to wait. Of course there's no sound because the camera system is one of those one shot each from 4 cameras in 5-10 second interval types, I know IVe seen it working while I was initially talking to the tendant.

The cops came back with the translator who was very angry because he said the teller told him that I had made very calm very specific threats to which I asked in which language, cause I Only speak english and apparently he doesnt speak it, so either he does speak it in which case I want him charged with theft and arrested or he doesnt speak it and I just want you to tell him that I want my cash back and that this is all a big misunderstanding.

Funnily I got my cash back, so did the ute driver (which was what he was upset about) and the translator and cops now had to stay the night to ensure that nothing else happened.


The whole Event DID not make my end of year week feel particularly charitable... Not helped by the next guy....

Now those of you who've been to perth know of a place called Action Park and the fact that it has an old cycle monorail, nice gentler ride Alex loves it, I'm not interested in it but because he is Im there and just my luck Im behind a group of yabberishing indians who have a one guy translating to english and doing it badly, no control of the group and either he speaks english as well as I spell it OR he cant control the mob that hes with OR they were just a bunch of ingnorant self centered dot heads that prove America supports multi culturism by exporting their self righteousness to other countries.

Anyhow, we've finally got to the top of the stairs and the yabberish group is getting the briefing from the very young ride attendant via the one english speaker and its not going well, they've mobbed past the gate and are all climbing onto the rides and trying to go while the translator guy is doing whatever the ineffectual hell he was doing but hes in the first car so no-ones going. The temptation to apply the boomey voice and tell them to all shut up and get the hell off and pay attention is held back by the simple facts that they wouldnt pay attention, wouldnt care, probably wouldnt understand and I dont want Alex to see the boomey voice being ineffectual. I've never had to raise a hand or act agressively around him because of it, he knows that if I'm calling him using the boomey voice he needs to come right now and if hes inside normal speaking range then hes done something wrong and is in trouble..


Eventually the young lass gives up and lets the car with the translator go, what can go wrong?

The second car has got a very large (or well padded under all the layers) woman in it and a mid range size boy, may be 10 or 12. shes gotten about 1m past the end of the platform and Absolutely FREAKED locked up solid and the young boy who was yabbering at her was getting nothing but shrieking back and when he tried to get her feet off the pedals got a whomping and more shrieking...

20 minutes or so we waited before the translator guy finished his loop but of course he cant come and help because with all the cars stopped in the station he couldnt get into the station to get off of the car because the line of cars was out past the end of the station and the attendant couldnt get out to him even if she wanted to to unlock him...

shes frazzling now shes called for help but the noise means shes getting lots of "sorry say agains" from the 2-way.

I put on the pay attention voice and got her attention, gave the calm down, you cant do anything, its not your fault dont panic brief and let the problem solve it self... She'd looked at me strangely but because she was no longer standing in front of the pedal cars the mobs of yabberers had all started to move forwards and I will admit it was not with just a slight sign of smug merryment that I heard the second car bounce into the first and mere nanoseconds later the wailing of the first car raising exponentially.

Now for those who dont know the place or the ride theres a sign on the back of the cars that simply states "no brakes, slow down" and sure enough the guy at the back that was ment to be translating pushed the last empty car into the station and shoved the last yabberer filled car out past the end of the station with about the same effect as the first car out.

He wasnt happy about this, demanding to know who was to blame.... And apparently my defense of the young lass of "yours, you were translating and you shot off in the very first car leaving a party under your control without adequate supervision" did not sit well with him.. It was mid triade that the management turned up and he got his yabberish on with them and it was quite clear that he did not want me in the park and it was all my fault and the ride attendant was too young and should not be in charge of adults nor is she wearing respectful attire....

the usual debate continued and eventually mine and the young lasses stories gelled better with the management and how were we going to solve the problem because the screaming woman is stopped now and is still wailing and sobbing and theres a stalled car just out of reach and the brain storming was getting no where.

Some yob in the crowd hailed to hurry up and push them around the track... I liked it... someone else suggested He should be made to do it.. He was pretty adamant that it wasnt going to be him. Offers started turning up.

I Volunteered him. welll More or less what I said was "I Bet If me and him" pointed to a fairly muscular bloke" were sat in the same car we could get them all round the track in under 5 minutes." Which was met with promising crowd support and a nod and as for every action there is a reaction I supplied the reaction by putting on a grin that could only be interpreted as "I'm about to do something nefariously enjoyable at someone else's misery" while I motioned the crowd apart to let the bloke I'd selected through whose apparent thrill of what was about to occur made me look dourly reserved which had the reaction of MR translator pushing past the edge of management and sitting in the empty cart yabbering at the kid who'd gone round with him the first time to get in and for the now stunned, shocked attendant to clip them in. Time passed and by the time I got back to the station the young lass that clipped me and alex in for our turn round the track was not there when I got back, More time passed and some bloke in a semi official, not the attendants uniform but obviously still part of the works getup came up to me while I was watching alex on the new water park (which is a really cool thing and has 2 water buckets and three slides suitable for 3-4yos to ride by themselves and some for even littler tottlers) extended his hand got an unconscious response shake from me and more or less left me wondering what was going on when he said "Thanks for your time today Sir and enjoy the rest of your stay"

Now as it was our second time there I know roughly how long it took for the lines in the rides. I also know that they have this naffy little pay $20 for an extra arm band and you can go on all the rides on fast pass. Strangely, every time I showed up in a line with Alex the line I was in always moved the fastest or I had someone in a blue shirt tell me I was in the wrong line for the ride and I should be qued up at the next gate along... News to me I didnt have a fast pass and was having a good day anyway....

It wasnt till later when we were leaving that someone called out and came over and said thanks for helping out their friend with the mornings debacle with the ride that I wondered what was going on and got a version of the story about the stranger that had reassured a young girl who was only new on the job and kept control of what could have been very bad. I Gave it But I didnt leave my name or details and the management dude came over and gave me a thank you and that was all I'd thought of it so how did you know it was me? She told me they'd been briefed, keep an eye out for a bearded guy, loud shirt, leather hat and sunnies with a kid in blue swim gear.

Then I started a bit of a recount I had more cash in my pocket than I should have from when I cashed out the arm band, I'd always gotten the fastest lines to the rides, a couple of times I'd been down the slides with sunnies And I had a sort of an inkling....

I'm average everything, cleaned up and in average gear I dont stand out in a crowd, Hell even with all my bright gear I dont stand out all that much but IF you know what you're looking for I make myself ridiculously easy to find. I used to do it because I have psoriasis and at one stage the only cloths I could get that were 100% natural, light and comfortable were loud hawian shirts and then they started to grow on me and it became a running joke at work, IF you needed to find me in my off time just look for the guy in the loudest shirt and thats probably him. Worked, so that became my thing, If you needed help and that help had to come from me look for the loud shirt, the big hat, the orange landy, or some other thing that had a practical reason to be there but was an obvious marker, Find that and you've found help. AS dad said, help everyone who asks make sure everyone gets to ask. Never though that it would have the benefit of marking me so obviously that people would use it to find me for other reasons.

Back to the point..

If you're responsible for a bunch of people for whatever reason it means you go LAST, everytime, you make sure that everyone up in front knows whats going on and is doing OK, you dont **** off at warp factor ME FIRST and leave them to stress out themselves and other people.