Thread: 4WD Buyer's Guide

I posted the following on another forum:

From time to time the fortunate among us are faced with a dilemma. We need a new four wheel drive. Something to take us from A to B during the week and from A to C (our happiest hunting grounds) on weekends. The problem is that there is a dizzying array from which to choose. It wasn’t like that ion the old days. If you wanted a four wheel drive you could have a Jeep. Then you could have a Jeep or a Land Rover. Then nothing happened for a while, and then you could have a Jeep (unchanged since it was invented), a Land Rover (also unchanged) or a Toyota LandCruiser (a copy of both of the above). Of course if you lived in Soviet Russia you had even less of a choice. If the state determined that you needed one, you could get a Lada Niva. Otherwise you would have a donkey, or you would be shot.

These days, in Australia, we have plenty of choice. Indeed too much choice. Wagon or Ute? (Twin Cab, Single Cab or Extended Cab? Tray or tub?). Toyota, Nissan, Mitsubishi, Mazda, Ford, Land Rover, Saaaanannggggyyooonnnnng gggg, or (not so) Great Wall. And so it goes on. Confusing? Absolutely. Or at least it would be except that I am here to help you.

Let’s consider seriously for a moment buying a Land-Rover. (stay with me). There are plenty of (well, three) people on this forum who have smug grins plastered across their faces at this point, but that will change. Having decided to consider a Land Rover – which one will you buy? A Range Rover? Only the preposterously rich or criminally insane would pit the metallic pearl mica duco of a Range Rover against the Lantana-choked fire trails of our state forests. Even the sheer industrial “Britishness” of it, isn’t enough to guarantee free passage, and hasn’t been since the Zulu wars. A Discovery perhaps? Very good cars too, but properly expensive. Essentially you face the same issues that you have with the Range Rover – namely that you are poor – so we can rule out the Disco. A Freelander? Well, even Land-Rover-o-philes try not to talk about those. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with them it’s just that they are not built for you, they are built for other people. Which leaves you with the Defender, which in turn leaves you with a few problems. Do you have a right elbow? Never mind, there’s a window you can hang it out of. Do you have a left knee? Perhaps you could have the handbrake removed. But the biggest problem is NVH. This is a manufacturers term for “Noise, Vibration and Harshness”. Unfortunately while the Axis powers took this to mean “less”, the British took it as a command. We must have noise! We must have vibration! We must have harshness! Whilst the designers didn’t quite nail the Harshness they certainly got the Noise and Vibration bang on. There’s plenty. Cunningly this means you can’t hear the radio, so you turn it up. Eventually you end up with industrial deafness. Now here’s the brilliant part. Land Rover can lay the blame squarely at YOUR feet, claiming that your lack of hearing is a result of your having your stereo wound up too loud. It’s Genius really.

So you can’t (or certainly shouldn’t) buy a Land Rover after all. Assuming you want to live a long and happy life, you wouldn’t buy a Great Wall. Not any time this Century anyway. Assuming you want to keep your friends, you have to rule out the Saaaanannggggyyooonnnnng gggg, Imagine having to tell people that at parties. This leaves us with the Japanese offerings (and their badge engineered brethren). A Toyota driver will always think a Toyota is superior. He is wrong. Similarly Nissan, Mitsubishi, Mazda, Ford, Isuzu, Holden owners. They’re all wrong. And they are all right, too.

Looking for a new four wheel drive? Just buy another one of what you already have, or don’t buy one at all. At least that way someone is happy, and most importantly… it’s you.

I'd ask those who are on both forums to please keep their traps shut on the other forum, regarding my secret identity !

Ta muchly.

Originally Posted by WhiteD3

Do you have a right elbow? Never mind, there’s a window you can hang it out of. Do you have a left knee? Perhaps you could have the handbrake removed.

Funny but true. I would consider a Defender to replace the D3 in a year or so but the sad truth is, at 6'3" I can't fit in one.

You know, I have been told 1 inch can make all the difference Of course, I never believed it until now! (I'm 6' 2")