Jokes Thread

[Knight]

Hey Guys,

I thought I'd finally start off another jokes thread....

Now i will start it off with what i would say is quite a 'mild' one from me - so, sit back, have a laugh and start posting some funnies that the rest of us can enjoy too!!


<span style="color:red">FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP FOR MEN</span>

1. Its important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job.
2. Its important to have a woman who can make u laugh.
3. Its important to have a woman who u can trust & doesn't lie.
4. Its important to have a woman who is good in bed & likes being with u.

5. Its very, very important that these four b*tches don't know each other. 8O [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]


Cheers
Knight :wink:

[Pedro_The_Swift]

welcome back Knight [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]

could do with a laugh too!

[George130]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
1 down 4 to go.

[p38arover]

I'm confused. I thought Knight was a woman - and here she's advocating what we think we want! 8O

Ron

[RichardK]

A minister decided that a visual demonstration
would add emphasis to his Sunday Sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.


At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:


The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in sperm - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation,

"What can you learn from this demonstration?"

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."

[Knight]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>I'm confused. I thought Knight was a woman - and here she's advocating what we think we want![/b][/quote]

he he he - I am simply passing on the jokes that come across my emails -so, yep, that does mean every once and a while there will be the occassional joke about the Man-Woman thing! 8O

So, in carrying on.................


Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you;

The next day I stopped smoking.


Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you;


The next day I stopped eating red meat..


Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you;


The next day I stopped drinking.




Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; 8O 8O


This morning I stopped reading.

Cheers
Knight :wink:

[p38arover]

Ahh! I've always reckoned my wife read too much!

Ron

[hiline]

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to logon.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention

So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud
as he typed.....

P...

E...

N....

I...



S.



His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

<span style="color:red">***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*** </span>

[hiline]

<span style="color:blue">TOP 10 DOG PEEVES ABOUT HUMANS

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!

2. Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG!

3 Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose .. stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo -- what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for the "big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous. </span>

[DEFENDERZOOK]

<span style="color:green">hey...thats almost thirteen things.....</span>