Thread: Silly Stories

When I'm not reporting serious stuff or when the brain is clogged, I loosen it up with a bit of creative writing. For some completey unknown reason, the goings on at Land Rover headquarters, was in the cross hares:

This of course is a true story from a direct observation (not)!

The players are Sir Humbert, the head of LR and is personal secratary, Jeffrey:


SH: "Good morning Jeffrey, a pleasant weekend was it, dear chap?"

J: "Oh yes, good morning Sir Humbert, thankyou... and you and Lady Humbert?"

SH: "Jeffrey, I notice your car is parked in the executive carpark."

J: "Umm, yes, Sir Humbert, I've been allocated a carspace."

SH: "That's not the point, Jeffrey, you car has some dirt on it!"

J: "But, Sir Humbert, it's a Range Rover Sport with a Vee eight engine."

SH: "No, no, Jeffrey, it's a luxury carriage, we build luxury carriages for those who are wealthy. And for staff who treat the company with respect! Now remove it from the carpark and take it to that person in shed 156 who makes them clean."

J: "You mean, wash it, Sir........"

SH: "Don't use that word in my presence, Jeffery. And do not arrive at the plant with a soiled carriage ever again, Jeffrey."

J: "Yes Sir Humbert, but...."

SH: "What now Jeffrey?"

J: "We build four wheel drive cars that win awards for their abilities."

SH: "You do have a point there, Jeffrey, but that's no excuse to get them dirty. And we must do something about those pesky awards, make a note dear boy."

J: " Yes Sir... but, umm, why, Sir Humbert, do we build such.....?"

SH: "Jeffrey, don't you pay attention at those annoying marketing meetings? Our customers don't go anywhere near unmacadamised roads. They just want to know they are able to. Now, Jeffrey, wash it. Damn, I said that word."

J: "Right, Sir Humbert. Double quick time."

SH: "And bring me a cup of tea, to my morning office."

J: "Yes, Sir Humbert."

SH: "And Jeffrey, if you must behave in such a manner, we can always swap your Range Rover Sport with the Vee eight motor, for something more fitting. Order yourself one of those old white things that smell like a submarine and don't park it in the executive carpark."

J: "But, Sir Humbert, we've stopped building the Defender."

SH: "Is that what it's called? Oh yes, slipped my mind, good. Are there none left?"

J: No, Sir Humbert, our dealers sold them all. Apparently there were people who actually wanted them."

SH: "Good grief, man! You mean to tell me there are other people who like to get their carriages dirty? I thought they all went to the military."

J: "Well, Sir Humbert, many tens of thousands of people, Sir. They apparently use them for fun."

SH: "Fun? Oh, god, get me my heart pills, and hurry up with that cup of tea. And that's two words today Jeffery, any more and you'll be driving a Mini!"

J: "But they're German, Sir Humbert."

SH: "My mind must be distracted, Jeffrey. Any more pearls of wisdom you wish to expunge?"

J: Well, Sir Humbert, we've been taken over again."

SH: "And by who, this week, Jeffrey?"

J: "Ford, Sir Humbert, Ford."

SH: Call my doctor, Jeffery I think I'm going to have a heart attack. That means we'll be drinking coffee."


The end for now.....

GQ

I say Jeffrey, it's Binky here....we don't wash them....we valet them.....pip pip, bombs away..