Thread: A memo from Sir Humbert

Memo to those of such:

From my hospital bed I have had much time to observe the the world according to my charge, the stewardship of the Land Rover Company.

The delightful nurses have 'plugged me in', and to the marvellous communication device called the internet.

Whilst I have found this facility to be circumspect, it does give me, Sir Humbert, Chairman of Land Rover, an access in which to observe those who continue to abuse our carriages.

It appears, and I have informed my liege, Jeffrey, that many of you actually have a predeliction to take the company's carriages off the macadam. I have discussed this prior, but the message is apparently not getting to some of the colony of Australia, particularly some who have been transported to the Queensland, God save the Queen.

Given my parlous state and that my time is of the nether, I have acquiesed to the suggestions of Jeffrey, those appalling 'yankees' who acquired the business and to the ongoing tirade from those of you who wish to continue to abuse our carriages.

From my hospital bed, I have issued the following orders:

The vehicle youse , [that is vernacular for youse (sic) antipodeans] use in an appaling manner, will be the next release of our carriage known as the Defender.

This vehicle will only be issued to those who agree to return our Discoverys and Range Rovers, undamaged, unsoiled and bereft of the noxious odour of Australian beer.

Existing lessees of the Defender carriage will not be issued with new devices - I strongly suggest you read you lessee contract - as all previous Defenders have been leased for the term of your natural life - having said that let me say this - proven siblings (by marriage in the Church of England) are allowed to acquire a lease.

The next Defender will be available to approved colonialists thus: Collection at Solihull, following a thorough proberty and provenance check by Jeffrey.

Only one variant, the long wheel base, will be available, in off white only, with steel wheels and bar tread tyres, by my insistance.

All potential lessees of our carriages must also deposit one bottle of gin for my personal rehabilitation. Any lessee supplying vermouth considering a sweetening of my humbrage will be forthwith considered an enemy combatant and will be transported to the parent companys' training facility at Guantonomo Bay, Cuba.

You can collect your vehicles after a final approval with Jeffrey from the west gate at the Solihull plant, from December 20, 2008.

Following the parlous state of the Ashes Test in the Australian colony, (which led to my hospitalisation), the release date for Australian passport holder will be February 29, 2009.

Jeffrey has fielded a number of enquiries regarding the release of our new carriage - the LandRover2, this fine carriage will be available to antipodeans after the successful return of the Ashes to the Monarchy.

I must inform you all that as I recover from my state of incapacitation - my observance of those who use our carriages - Land Rover3 and RangeRover - has been noted. Your activities, especially in the antipodes - has been passed on to MI6.

In closing, I thank those of you who have sent get well messages concealed as bottles of gin - jerry would never know of such nefarious activities. I commend you and assume your espionage was well rewarded following the war.

If you have any questions, reply here and following my rehabilitation, I may consider a response.

Sir Humbert.

Jeffrey has informed me Sir Humbert has had a relapse, following aforementioned correspondence from "Hank the Yank".

The mere thought of blue ovals causes Sir H apoplexy, apparently...

But he too watches the Dukes of Hazzard - Sir H sides with the Confederates - following the 'British/Boston issue' in 1776. He also likes the fact that the good old boys have a car which does not sport a blue oval Jeffrey is of the opinion the Sir H has some affinity with the Chrysler Dodge boys. (He did fly big V engined fighters in the war).

GQ