Embarrassment

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by banjo

Anyone from here is welcome to call in at any time use like use would be welcome here ...I don't need to think about any of use calling just call in .if use don't have my number just ask for it i am happy for use to have it or pass it on around this little circle of ours....

---

We are considering a VM Diesel RR that currently lives in the Hunter Valley-- poofy color but we could live with that. If I got down to look at it I was planning a suprise visit to see how you are going--but still looking at options before making up my mind on the RR.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JohnF

Some councilling lines may laugh at you, but I do doubt that all would. Wendy told me last time I spoke to her [about 2002] that she wanted to become a Lifeline Counsellor. Do not know if she ever did. But I am sure some out there would talk to you. I would, but I hate making phone calls, but you can ring or e-mail me any time.

---

Yeah, John I find that would be very unprofessional if somebody at Lifeline laughed at me. I am not in the same situation as Banjo and I would have given them an earful!!!!
:2up:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by zoopa

Hi Banjo,
I hope this message gets to your forum page and also hopeful you are okay.
Firstly, I am sorry I took so long to get the hang of this website forum as it is not my usual mode of communication.
Banjo, I do really understand your situation regarding your problem in life.
I may not have mentioned to you that I have had some indirect connection to the condition you are in and it is from this experience I have been able to visit you and your family over the years.
My reference above mentioned of my having connections with someone suffering with the same condition you are at the moment having neans that I am referring to time back in 1983 to 1986.
At te time I was in a relationship with a woman who also was suffering from thesame problem you have and although I was aware of her somewhat problematic asppraoches to everyday life, I had no idae for a while about what she was going through.
But persisted with the relationship for several years until it got the better of me and others involved in my life with her.
Subsequently, I broke up the relationship as a result of a total breakdown in the general life we had because I was so rapidly going down the same pathway she had already had progressed.
Where she had been going through this troubled life for at least 15 years by the time met her, I was rapidly going down the same line of degenerating lifestyle in very fast time, more like 3 years from the onset of my friends indentifying my showing signs of having personal problems that were very similar to her.
My condition had accelerated so rapidly that I was in exactly same spot as she was in just 3 years whilst she had taken over 15 years to get to the same point of health degeneration.
In the end, I was lucky to realise I had trouble and so I jumped the boat and tok flight for another life.
The outcome was devasating to everyone close to me because by whioch time it had impacted on just about everyone assocaited with me at the time,,,,,,even my work mates, customers, customer's employees and my immediate family to such an extent that they were very worried about me.
The years have gone by since 1986 with some of it vey nearly ending it for me because I had a battle on my hands to deal with this problem that I had and this battle only subsided when I made my decision to change direction once more around 1995 and prune off the dead branches to allow my new branches to grow.
By the time you and your wife had met me in 2003, I was long over it all and already started on my new life as you know it now.
Out of all this struggle, I have achieved many targets and set new ones not only for me but for many other individuals who have likewise problems although mostly very different to what you are going through.
Finally, I am available to try and assit you if only you will take my advice and directions for it will help you find yourself again and maybe go through the next stage of your life with happiness and fulfilment.
I am sadden by the news of your wife whom I have kind hearted thoughts for because she actually understands me somewhat far better then most people who have known me most of life and I give her credit for that too.
Banjo, I know you can snap out of the "darklight of the night" (a quote from someone elses words) and begin a new course of life's destiny.
Your destiny is in your hands only and with a little support, understanding and help from me you will be okay soon.
Trust me.
Zoopa is my name (oh and you now know my nickname ALTHOUGH it is seldom do people get to know it and how it came to be a part of my life.

Have a great Landrover Day Banjo
Zoopa

---

Welcome to the forum Zoopa. There are sadly way too many like that lady you have described--Wendy who is mentioned earlier in this theread is one.
I did start a thread on Wendy--not her real name, she told me her name was Wendy when I first met her but she was never named Wendy-- but something I said upset someone and the thread was removed.

Yes and it takes a bit of practice to be comfortable communication by computer, but that is the way of the future.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ausfree

Banjo, you and Karen REALLY NEED TO GET AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS on your own for a break, NO PARENTS/NO KIDS/NO INTERNET, just you and Karen together and talk this out, it sounds like Karen is starting to open up just a little, with those pent up feelings that she has kept under wraps for years. Mate as I said before I can associate with your feelings against your father, remember mine used to come home drunk and bash mum, we used to sneak around the house for fear of upsetting him, he has abused me verbally (must admit he never laid a hand on me, and when he gave up the grog, he stopped belting mum) but he always remained a bad tempered domineering old man. When mum died he moved in with another woman and when he died he left his entire estate to her, we boys got nothing. Now the reason I have mentioned this is that I REFUSE to let that ruin my life, I am not angry at him, I don't hate him, I just feel sorry for him that he was so nasty and bitter.
My way of handling difficulties of the past is, and you know I have had more than my fairshare, is to mentally parcel them up and tie a mental bow around the parcel and put it aside. THE PAST IS NOT GOING TO RUIN MY FUTURE. Of cause I have flashbacks, of cause I have my down days, of cause I get bad tempered doesn't everybody???:(
OK lets run through my scenario again....
1) Domineering Father who bashed mum........parceled up.
2) First wife dying at 27 years of age (this one is VERY difficult)...parceled up.
3) Stepson into drugs and trouble with the law and going to jail on numerous occasions......parceled up, but boy did we fight to pull him back, and did not succeed.
4) Bowel Cancer. This one turned out for the best, but it certainly makes you think about your life when the Doctor says I have cancer and if he does'nt operate soon I have 1 to 2 years left....parceled up.

Banjo it is not just you mate, everybody has their demons and it is up to you to control those demons and I tell you what there are some bloody good people on this Thread trying to help you.
I hope this helps. Cheers mate.:):)

---

I will second what AUS says. not counting Bowel cancer, I did not have same problems as you or AUS, but I had other problems just as bad-- and at times I would have thought that my problems were worst. But you can overcome.

OK well i have ****ed up AGAIN i'm still in Karens face all the time although i don't meen to & Karen said she knows i don't meen to...
I am pushing her further away from me by this & my mind is so ****ed up that i was trying to manipulate her not knowing it Karen said its my sub consions was doing it ,Its all i knew for so long & its still does it ..BUT LEARNING...

TRY NOT TO GET TO BURD UP AT ME I KNOW IT IS ALL WRONG WHAT I DO...


I said to Karen today in an argument not to heated ...Fine shall i just take me ****ing rope & go now i know what to do with it ...I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD SAID IT....I am so sorry it came out ..& i want all this to stop .I think when i get scared of loosing Karen my mind just takes over i guess , i don't meen it & Karen says she knows i don't meen it ..BUT IT HURTS HER .& IT THEN HURTS ME..I am trying to proove to Karen i wont let her down & i keep telling her that & she says i know you said you wont & i know you love me but you don't have to be in my face so much to tell me all the time, I know this she says..

Karen does not want me to be in her face , she does not want me to touch her & she doesn't want me to help her shopping tomorrow so she can have some time away from me..I spose if we work things out then that mite be a better time to help with that...

So from now on i will be only waking Karen to see if she wants to get up earlier ...& i will get her ready for bed if needed & tuck her in...

Help with tea & getting kids to school & all that & all the house work....

will be having a day at home tomorrow ,that sort of worries me because i don't want to do that & fall & not go out again,I don't think i will , its pushed to the back of my mind..

There is a new Jack Higgins book out today & on sale at Glendale target i was going to ask Karen if i ran her out there would she run in & pick it up for me ,Well i did ask & she said no i will go & get it on my own....
I would of walked around in there looking for it & gave up cause i hate big shops i allways have .....

So i will be reading my book & looking in on here to see whos talking to me & i'll have a chat here & read my book aswell & i should be able to leave Karen alone ......

Like i said its all i knew till use all told me how it works & i am going to do this for Karen..

Does anyone know where i can get a good second hand fridge/freezer for the car cheap..I don't want to get one of those Aldi cheapies but a decent brand one just cheap second hand.....
For around a few hudred bucks I need one soon ???????????....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by banjo

OK well i have ****ed up AGAIN i'm still in Karens face all the time although i don't meen to & Karen said she knows i don't meen to...
I am pushing her further away from me by this & my mind is so ****ed up that i was trying to manipulate her not knowing it Karen said its my sub consions was doing it ,Its all i knew for so long & its still does it ..BUT LEARNING...

TRY NOT TO GET TO BURD UP AT ME I KNOW IT IS ALL WRONG WHAT I DO...


I said to Karen today in an argument not to heated ...Fine shall i just take me ****ing rope & go now i know what to do with it ...I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD SAID IT....I am so sorry it came out ..& i want all this to stop .I think when i get scared of loosing Karen my mind just takes over i guess , i don't meen it & Karen says she knows i don't meen it ..BUT IT HURTS HER .& IT THEN HURTS ME..I am trying to proove to Karen i wont let her down & i keep telling her that & she says i know you said you wont & i know you love me but you don't have to be in my face so much to tell me all the time, I know this she says..

Karen does not want me to be in her face , she does not want me to touch her & she doesn't want me to help her shopping tomorrow so she can have some time away from me..I spose if we work things out then that mite be a better time to help with that...

So from now on i will be only waking Karen to see if she wants to get up earlier ...& i will get her ready for bed if needed & tuck her in...

Help with tea & getting kids to school & all that & all the house work....

will be having a day at home tomorrow ,that sort of worries me because i don't want to do that & fall & not go out again,I don't think i will , its pushed to the back of my mind..

There is a new Jack Higgins book out today & on sale at Glendale target i was going to ask Karen if i ran her out there would she run in & pick it up for me ,Well i did ask & she said no i will go & get it on my own....
I would of walked around in there looking for it & gave up cause i hate big shops i allways have .....

So i will be reading my book & looking in on here to see whos talking to me & i'll have a chat here & read my book aswell & i should be able to leave Karen alone ......

Like i said its all i knew till use all told me how it works & i am going to do this for Karen..

---

Banjo, that is a definite NO.,NO you are trying to emotionally blackmail Karen to make her feel bad, if you are having a verbal fight, make it a fair one and don't make statements meant to make her feel bad. I know you feel bad about it after you said it, but I am sure it hit home with Karen!!!!:(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ausfree

Banjo, that is a definite NO.,NO you are trying to emotionally blackmail Karen to make her feel bad, if you are having a verbal fight, make it a fair one and don't make statements meant to make her feel bad. I know you feel bad about it after you said it, but I am sure it hit home with Karen!!!!:(

---

I know i know..:(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by banjo

Does anyone know where i can get a good second hand fridge/freezer for the car cheap..I don't want to get one of those Aldi cheapies but a decent brand one just cheap second hand.....
For around a few hudred bucks I need one soon ???????????....

---

Wot size?

Well this is what i will be doing..

I will be going back to my mothers & i'm sure she will have her way with me & my stepfather is going to have me working all the time .....

Now i have never stood upto my father at all ever & its the same with my brother..

So once i am back at mums & everyone knows i'm there we recon a week before my father starts ringing & my stepsister will be there & they will end up with there hooks in me so i will be doing everything for them aswell & i meen everything from the mental abuse , the verbal abuse , the manipulation, the sexual mental abuse ...

PLZ don't tell me that i will stand upto him because i know i wont & KAREN will tell you all the same thing , I have never been able to stand upto him & i never will i have allways stood behind KAREN for this & backed her up nothing more & it wont change...

Then there is my brother he is the same as my father towards me & i will be doing all his bidding aswell as KAREN says..So he will probably turn up in the first week for sure..

And its not as easy as just hanging up on him because he just doesn't stop neither of them do & even if i did do this they will just ring my mothers home phone & they will just keep bringing the phone over to me...

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DO A ****ING THING ABOUT IT & ITS NOT GOING TO CHANGE I KNOW THIS & SO DOES KAREN & SHE WILL TELL YOU ALL THE SAME & AGREE WITH ME...

So thats where i'll be as Karen is fairly sure her feelings & love for me are not going to change & i have to except this & convince myself of this as all i want to do is make Karen haapy & if that meens going back to that then thats what i will do ..I do not want Karen to feel she has to stay here for this reason ever .If her love & feelings come back for me GREAT but if not that what i have to do to make her happy & i will do anything to do that...

That is why i wont see Karen or the kids ever again as i never want the kids to see it or go through it .& if i took FRED over to dads she will cop it as well cause he thinks nothing of scratch girls bums while they are near him or even just to get then on his knee & undoes there bra so he can scratch there back this is all fine to him & i doubt i would do anything as i would fear the punishment..

He did this to Karen once...We left straight away.....


SO I DO KNOW WHAT I HAVE LOST & I DO KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE & I DO KNOW WHAT I'M IN FOR AFTER KAREN..SO YES I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY ITS SO HARD FOR HER TO TRY & TRUST ME OR EVEN OPEN HERSELF UPTO ME AGAIN...,
I AM LOOSING THE BEST THING TO OF EVER HAPPEND TO ME BECAUSE OF WHAT I WAS DOING & HAVE DONE IN THE PAST..

KAREN IS THE ONLY PERSON TO SHOW ME LOVE , EFFECTION , CARE & TRUST SO YES I WOULD DO THIS FOR HER....