Thread: Embarrassment

Better than i got Cody just got up & pistoff to a mate..Micayla got up then went back to bed got up much later & said Happy fathers day & is now on the computer ..I didn't want anything this year because of the way the mood is around here.....But as usual they don.t realy get interested in it...

Originally Posted by Mrs banjo (fatty)

hi this is extremly hard for me i don't know what to say jason is trying to give me space but being in the same house...not easy done .I feel that my mind and body don't belong to me anymore my body keeps betraying me i can't go for a walk or do groceries without needing to come home and sleep the rest of the day i hate that so much i am not used to feeling helpless as such i have always though of myself as a strong person now i can't do anything .I don't know if i can live like this anymore if i want my life to be like this i know i am hurting jason because i blame him and maybe this is not fair but all i think of is the bad stuff that it used to be like me getting abusive phone calls from him when i was at my parents instead of home with him and smiling so my family didn't know the fierce arguments when i got home me giving up the one thing i loved doing my gym and personal trainer studies because he didn't like it every guy i spoke to i was running away with going through both pregnancies feeling i was alone cause jas really didn't come to any doctors or ultra sound he missed so much me waitting till really last minute when i went into labour both times because i was worried about him being alone and coming home straight away again for the same reason i don't even want to start on his mum and dad i could they drive me crazy they have buggered our livr so much no one knows how much i blame them am i crazy for thinking like this i don't know think i love him enough to keep going i know there is room for improvement bot i know i am pulling more and more away from jason because he has hurt me so much i don't trust him he tells me he wants to change but he has let me down so many times i don't know if i can open to him again i am having enough trouble pulling myself up this time .For so long i have felt like a single parent anyway i do everything from school shopping to parent interviews jason don't come to any of it its like he doesn't care thats what i feel like like we are not important enough have never been for him to try and he didn't have to no matter what happened cause i done it all it was easier then having the bad arguments again he never physically hurt me but he has a temper like his dasd and i have lost count over the years of what has been broken in our houise.I know its wrong to think of this but its what going through my head all the time with the thoughts of can i do this can i leave cause i seriously don't think i love him enough to keep going anymore .At the moment he has done a lot but i can't feel even gratitude to him for helping i keep thinking if he saw this a bit earlier helped a bit earlier i wouldn't hate myself so much now

I have been trying to push Karen back to the gym for nearly 2 years now.
Hopping that she will do it cause she does need something to do on her own & if she can get into a course for the trainer great....
I wont give her any grief over it because i get to see her at home & excited to tell me all about it & i don't have to be jelouse as use have pointed out SHE IS COMING HOME TO ME NO ONE ELSE . .

I was actually home this year. Ice coffie, bacon and eggs. Plus 3 little ferral boys "sharing'' the plate. Now to wash the sheets.

Easo

Gotta say I'm impressed with the way Karen and Jason have shared about all this. I guess this is what should happen in a private counselling session, except its not private.
I haven't been in your shoes, so I can't tell you what to do. All I can do is comment on what I observe. What I observe is mostly positive, believe it or not.

• You both want the relationship to work.
• You both want the future to be better.
• You both want each other to be happy.

You both also share fears about whether it can work in the future, which is normal, but at least you both feel the same.
Now, if you could focus on the positive things you share, then maybe you could jointly work through your fears. But you've got to give each other time and not push each other faster than the other person is comfortable with. And you've both got to be very patient and understanding.
Easy for me to say, but I really hope you can make it work.

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

Gotta say I'm impressed with the way Karen and Jason have shared about all this. I guess this is what should happen in a private counselling session, except its not private.


I haven't been in your shoes, so I can't tell you what to do. All I can do is comment on what I observe. What I observe is mostly positive, believe it or not.

• You both want the relationship to work.
• You both want the future to be better.
• You both want each other to be happy.

You both also share fears about whether it can work in the future, which is normal, but at least you both feel the same.
Now, if you could focus on the positive things you share, then maybe you could jointly work through your fears. But you've got to give each other time and not push each other faster than the other person is comfortable with. And you've both got to be very patient and understanding.
Easy for me to say, but I really hope you can make it work.

I think i do most of the pushing in this case though not meening to . I do like to show Karen i love her ..& i recon i have most of the fears..I only want Karen to be happy & i have told her latly if that meens her going back to the gym & to do some training then thats what she has to do i understand that...Karen doesn't show that she loves me with a kiss or cuddle or even just holding hands she never has & yes i do feel somewhat insurcure about that ..I also have said now that if i am having trouble getting out & she is off to the gym then just say NO & i will have to work it out for myself or wait till Karen is finished & able to help or i will just ask her to come with me when she gets back & she can sit in the car while i run into where ever it is i need ...But she is to do what she wants FIRST & to tell me NO yes i get bored but it hasn't killed me yet & if i do get in a mood then i have to deal with it & not take it out on Karen or the kids . Then when Karen is finished then she could help me if needed , I have actualy enjoyed & enjoying being able to do stuff for myself ,I know its not much but it is heaps in the way of helping Karen out which is what matters....& over time i recon i would be able to do more ..I even said to Karen today hey i spent a night away from you & drove myself there & back & have been sleeping in the swag for a few nights & it hasn't hurt me I recon i maybe able to go away over night eventualy I know thats not going to happen over night to..
& if there is an emergancy then i would ring her so she doesn't have to worry about me at home alone anymore.I have all you guys to thank for that.& i do understand how she says its very hard as she has had to do it for so long ...


PS i do mean it & it has to happen i know this..& i have promist i wont give Karen any greife over it...

That's great mate. Just keep being positive and it will all be OK.

Remember too that who we are doesn't depend on what others think or say. It's about our view of ourselves.
If we think of ourselves as good people, although not perfect (who is?), then that's more important than worrying about what some other person may or may not think about us. Who cares about their opinions?
I realise that with what I know of your background that your confidence in yourself may have been knocked around a bit, but ultimately it's still true.

We are who we think we are.

It's an interesting exercise to make a list of who we think we are, the qualities and abilities we have. Most people who do this properly are surprised at how many positive things they can think up about themselves. It's all part of recognising our self-worth.

You are a worthwhile person Jason. So is Karen.

Originally Posted by banjo

I think i do most of the pushing in this case though not meening to . I do like to show Karen i love her ..& i recon i have most of the fears..I only want Karen to be happy & i have told her latly if that meens her going back to the gym & to do some training then thats what she has to do i understand that...Karen doesn't show that she loves me with a kiss or cuddle or even just holding hands she never has & yes i do feel somewhat insurcure about that ..I also have said now that if i am having trouble getting out & she is off to the gym then just say NO & i will have to work it out for myself or wait till Karen is finished & able to help or i will just ask her to come with me when she gets back & she can sit in the car while i run into where ever it is i need ...But she is to do what she wants FIRST & to tell me NO yes i get bored but it hasn't killed me yet & if i do get in a mood then i have to deal with it & not take it out on Karen or the kids . Then when Karen is finished then she could help me if needed , I have actualy enjoyed & enjoying being able to do stuff for myself ,I know its not much but it is heaps in the way of helping Karen out which is what matters....& over time i recon i would be able to do more ..I even said to Karen today hey i spent a night away from you & drove myself there & back & have been sleeping in the swag for a few nights & it hasn't hurt me I recon i maybe able to go away over night eventualy I know thats not going to happen over night to..
& if there is an emergancy then i would ring her so she doesn't have to worry about me at home alone anymore.I have all you guys to thank for that.& i do understand how she says its very hard as she has had to do it for so long ...


PS i do mean it & it has to happen i know this..& i have promist i wont give Karen any greife over it...

Mate that's the most positive and forward looking post you have made in this thread. Good onya

Originally Posted by Stuuu

Mate that's the most positive and forward looking post you have made in this thread. Good onya

Originally Posted by banjo

I think i do most of the pushing in this case though not meening to . I do like to show Karen i love her ..& i recon i have most of the fears..I only want Karen to be happy & i have told her latly if that meens her going back to the gym & to do some training then thats what she has to do i understand that...Karen doesn't show that she loves me with a kiss or cuddle or even just holding hands she never has & yes i do feel somewhat insurcure about that ..I also have said now that if i am having trouble getting out & she is off to the gym then just say NO & i will have to work it out for myself or wait till Karen is finished & able to help or i will just ask her to come with me when she gets back & she can sit in the car while i run into where ever it is i need ...But she is to do what she wants FIRST & to tell me NO yes i get bored but it hasn't killed me yet & if i do get in a mood then i have to deal with it & not take it out on Karen or the kids . Then when Karen is finished then she could help me if needed , I have actualy enjoyed & enjoying being able to do stuff for myself ,I know its not much but it is heaps in the way of helping Karen out which is what matters....& over time i recon i would be able to do more ..I even said to Karen today hey i spent a night away from you & drove myself there & back & have been sleeping in the swag for a few nights & it hasn't hurt me I recon i maybe able to go away over night eventualy I know thats not going to happen over night to..
& if there is an emergancy then i would ring her so she doesn't have to worry about me at home alone anymore.I have all you guys to thank for that.& i do understand how she says its very hard as she has had to do it for so long ...


PS i do mean it & it has to happen i know this..& i have promist i wont give Karen any greife over it...

Left a bit out Karen doesn't tell me she loves me unless i have asked . .

Its hard to tell most of the time if she does so yes i am insurcure about that bit. . . .