According to the books, Psychologically most ACoAs [Adult Children of Alcoholics] people want to merge and not be noticed, which is why Wendy joined a very small unnoticed alcoholic religious denomination of around 100,000 members world wide, where she could merge and not be noticed by the world. Most ACoAs people do have this deep psychological need to merge and not be noticed, which is why Banjo, who had an alcoholic dad was so brave to go public with his problems.
In 2002, over the phone I did tell Wendy I was going to write about her in a book, a book on the false beliefs of her small almost unknown religion, around 100,000 members world wide, a book that has not been yet published—may be down the track. In a panicky voice Wendy asked “what name are you going to use for me.” I replied “Wendy”, and she calmed down saying “that is okay, not many people know me by that name!” See Wendy/Margaret has changed her name more than once. I read the psychology books about ACoAs people, books that say they need to hide and merge into groups, well after this, and the books on ACoAs people do say they are very good at merging into large groups of people, so as NOT to be noticed.
Perhaps hiding away from the world by not going out is another way an ACoAs person may react, rather than merging so as not to be noticed as the majority of ACoAs people do. That is they fear to be noticed, just like once I feared rejection.
Thinking that she may be noticed and her deep secrets revealed is why Wendy panicked at that time I spoke to her on the phone. I am revealing Wendy’s deep secrets, but not revealing who she is, her current name/location to you, so you will never know if she is your next door neighbour [I admit that when I visited her house, a decade ago, I do not remember any Land Rovers next door, so it is very unlikely she is the neighbour of any Forum member]. So NOT wanting to be noticed is the first characteristic of ACoAs people, that I mentioned. Other ACoAs characteristics are to come.
