Embarrassment

Hi everyone

you guys are right got it in a nutshell moods up and down like a yo-yo.Thats something he can't help like we have said some days good some bad we can't control that part. Welcome to my (our) world your right to i have been going back and reading our thread from the beginning and the posts from jason are more upbeat as we progress thats good this is obviously helping.It's weird for so long have tried to manage this on our own now he has something to look forward to.Checking computer to see if anyone is on.
Sometimes it gets to much feels that i have no control over anything in our life still in limbo about house kids are moving on with their life micayla has her first serious boyfriend and is out all the time cody out with his friends comes home for lunch than goes again.Thats good is normal i know but is hard to let go and trust them especially micayla having to know i taught her right from wrong and let her make her own decisions.

Ok had my whinge now goin to cook tea talk later

yeah, my wife is cooking tea at the moment, isn't a women's place in the kitchen?;) I have told her I will loosen the chain later so she can watch TV when tea is cooked!!:wasntme: I am ducking for cover now!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by banjo

Na no such luck stuu i wish i was .But its a real pain in the ass to get the rover out we would have to push the crapota out the way .Then to put it away i would have to tow it back up..It has no alternator at the moment..
I havent been out for a little while & the move has we worried .Still dont know if we have the house,The trailer i have is only made from angle iron with a tradies top with 2 doors & once i take that off i recon its gunna be flimsy.But we can hire a trailer but there didnt say we needed a deposite when rang but karen called in to see them to make sure & yes we need the deposite..But dont know what to do with the crapota if i fix it we will be short sorta would cope but be short..I usualy dont eat if i have to go out as i said before in case i got sick,,its just the way my mind works i'll break the habit oneday..But i had to rescue karen on friday that was just a nightmare for me as i actualy had breakfast something i very rarely do plus i thought since i didnt have to go out well i heaps to eat by the time karen rang me..but i went & got what had to be done ,done..Felt realy crook yesterday Karen said its just the stress of friday getting her & the car home..Its not easy for me as most people that wouldnt be anything to do..its just my crapy head..

Thanks for telling us how it is mate. We probably will never really understand but at least it's good to know that the forum being here helps you.

Be patient on the house. As they say - worry is the interest you pay on troubles you haven't got. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuuu

Thanks for telling us how it is mate. We probably will never really understand but at least it's good to know that the forum being here helps you.

Be patient on the house. As they say - worry is the interest you pay on troubles you haven't got. :)

How very profound. :o;)

Ah well fatty's taken te alternator to see a wreckers they didnt know if they had one but said they could probably match it of a diferaent model...hoping so..
The people that brought the house are having a relative come in on wednesday to mesure the floor coverings...
Still waiting to hear from the realestate about the house for rent...

Well fatty just rang while she was at westlakes for my welding rods she thought i will stop next door at the auto spaky's & see if he can test the alternator & he did & says it seem fine ,now to find a place to get a new voltage regulator,havent had any luck with that yet..

Quote:

Originally Posted by banjo

Well fatty just rang while she was at westlakes for my welding rods she thought i will stop next door at the auto spaky's & see if he can test the alternator & he did & says it seem fine ,now to find a place to get a new voltage regulator,havent had any luck with that yet..

Try the guy who tested the alt.

Quote:

Originally Posted by V8Ian

Try the guy who tested the alt.

Yeah fatty quized him he doesnt have one said we mite have to go genuine..
Doing the ring around now..

In my posts I will be looking at some mind matters.

Back in 1973 I met a girl who told me she was named Wendy, and I decided that Wendy was the one I wanted to marry, though we both ended up marrying someone else later.

A few years back, while waiting for my son to finish TAFE, in the TAFE library I did read some books describing the psychological makeup of ACoAs people [Adult Children of Alcoholics, sometimes in some books ACoAs is abbreviated to ACA.]

The first of these 2 books written on the psychology of ACoAs people was by Wayne Kritsberg, the second one by Dr. Stephanie Brown. Much later I read more about the psychology of ACoAs people in a few other books on the Internet. I did not ever see these patterns of Wendy’s ACoAs psychological thinking before then, but thought I would share some of this on this thread.

But before I do, I will tell you a bit about myself & Wendy.

I had a very real phobia about rejection having never asked a girl out on a date due to fear of rejection. On the Wednesday in March 1971, when I first saw Wendy, I thought she was one of the prettiest women in the world. Being a member of an outdoor club, that did caving, abseiling, canoeing, skiing, rock-climbing, bushwalking, etc., that Wendy came along to, the next weekend I went on a trip to Bungonia Caves, and found that Wendy, who came on that Bungonia trip did not have her tent with her, so I told her I had room in my tent which is how we got together back then, without ever asking Wendy out on a date.

Now once in my tent I asked 20 year old Wendy whether she was a virgin, and she replied “I have never even kissed a man,” so I kissed her. I thought that Wendy was so attractive that she must have had lots of boyfriends before we met, so absolutely could not understand Wendy saying “I have never even kissed a man.”

Near the time of her 21st Birthday, Wendy checked her letterbox while I was at her place, and received a parcel and threw it in the rubbish bin unopened saying “I know who this is from and I do not want it.” I thought “maybe from an ex-boyfriend,” but knew she hated her dad who she described as “a drunken bum,” so knew it probably would have come from her dad instead.

I thought that Wendy was a very normal fun loving girl, but her dad had been an alcoholic, and she hated her dad. She got very moody at times, and once when I asked her why Wendy explained it by saying “it is that time of the month.” But being uncertain, and clearly knowing something was wrong with the girl that I loved, back not long after I had met her I had asked Wendy if her dad had sexually abused her, to which Wendy replied “No, nothing like that!”

However it is extremely probable that Wendy had been raped by Ivan Milat when she was 18, the Ivan Milat later convicted of the later back-packer murders. As I said, after I asked if she was a virgin Wendy had told me that she had never kissed a man, but may never have kissed the man who had raped her, so Wendy could have told the Truth about never being kissed, but while hiding some of her terrible past from me.

I have done a real lot of hitchhiking and been picked up while hitchhiking down to Perisher to go skiing. something I regularly did between the winter of 1975 & the winter 1978 while doing my Pathology course in Sydney. I had worked down Perisher/Smiggins for most of the season in 1972 & 1974, and was hanging around with Wendy in 1973, not skiing in 1973, and so was again studying between 1975 & 1978 determined to finish my Pathology Course. But still wanted to ski so hitched down most weekends during the winter, camping in a tent to makre skiing cheap, and worked there during the holidays from study in 1978, plus for several weeks one winter between 1975-1977.

While hitching down to Perisher/Smiggins with my skis, I was picked up by a very untidy obese man in a white two or three ton tray back truck, who definitely was NOT Ivan Milat. Ivan Milat was a fit, muscular, & a known neat freak while this truck driver was an extremely untidy obese man! I was let out of this truck that had a chainsaw in the tray back, where my backpack and skis were put, let out at a turn off near the forest where the backpacker murders later happened, at that time believing I had just escaped with my life because that truck driver scared me so very much. I have done a real lot of hitching and have had a few scary experiences but never been so terrified like that particular time, before or since that time, though he did not say anything that I remember that was threatening. I have never before or since been so relieved to get away from a lift when hitchhiking.

In 2000 or 2001 I saw a man being interviewed on TV about Ivan Milat & the Backpacker murders, a man who very strongly reminded me of that particular truck driver who had scared me so much, and had dropped me near that forrest where the backpaker bodies were found, though I could not swear in court that it was the same man. On TV this man blamed Ivan Milat for these murders, a man who could have set up Ivan Milat, a man who absolutely hated Ivan Milat. So for the very first time I started to read library books on these backpacker murders, wondering if it was actually that truck driver who terrified me who had done those murders, Ivan Milat always claiming that he had been set up.

And when I read in these books of a girl named Margaret who Ivan Milat had raped on Good Friday, 1971, I realised that I was reading about my ex-girlfriend Wendy, the one I had once wanted to marry. I have no reason to like Ivan Milat, and he had gotten away with armed robbery, and rape of Margaret/Wendy, but I do wonder if he is innocent of those backpacker Murders, and was set up by this man who hated Ivan so much, who so strongly reminded me of this truck driver who left me terrified.

I will not go into much published evidence that could show that Ivan Milat is innocent, but point out that there is some such published evidence. For example Paul Onions, a British Backpacker who is very good at estimating people’s height, described his attacker as 5 foot 11 inches, having a Merve Hughes moustache. Ivan Milat is only 5 foot 7 inches and had a Merve Hughes moustache. Paul Onions was shown a picture of Milat and ID him from that moustache. But DNA found on the murder victims was not Ivan Milat’s DNA. But I will not go into such evidences any more.

One library book described several murders in North NSW as a “copy cat” of the Ivan Milat murders. This man who so strongly reminded me of this truck driver was living in the area when these so-called “copy cat” murders were done. But I could not swear that the truck driver is the same man I saw on TV, all I can say is he is very much like him.

In 1973 not long after I met her, Wendy had once told me, “I used to be known as Margaret!” I had assumed at that time that either Margaret was her middle name, or Margaret was her first name and Wendy was her middle name. She since changed her name again, but I will not give her current name in order to protect her identity, and she is NOT a member of this AULRO forum, and could not even use a computer the last time we spoke, 2002.

Wendy spent time somewhere where all residents had an above average high IQ, so must be above average IQ herself, and wanted to do a University course in Psychology the last time we spoke by phone, in 2002, so may have learned to use a computer by now. The 18 year old girl that Ivan Milat raped was named Margaret.

It was a shock to realise that Wendy had raped by Ivan Milat, but I knew Milat’s victim Margaret was Wendy. See Wendy had told me that she had only been out of Sydney twice before, once to Kiama, and once to Newcastle. Ivan Milat’s victim Margaret had been out of Sydney twice before that trip where she was raped, once to Kiama, once to Newcastle. Wendy told me she had friends who ran the BP café at Goulbourn, while Margaret had escaped from Ivan Milat at that very same BP café at Goulbourn. Wendy’s mum and dad had had a grocery shop. Margaret’s mum and dad had a grocery shop. Books on Ivan Milat described Margaret’s mum as a religious fanatic, while once at her house I picked up Wendy’s mum’s Bible to look at it, and in a panic Wendy said “put that Bible down, no one is allowed to touch my mum’s Bible, not even me.” [As a side issue, personally I often hand my Bible to someone else to read something.]

The books on Ivan Milat that mention Margaret indicated she was a bit crazy because she had slept with her mum till she was 19. Wendy told me “I have my own room now” see Wendy had slept with her mum till she was 19, so that what finally became her room could be rented out to a university student border, to help pay their mortgage, and that way of help in paying the morgage is not crazy as far as I am concerned.

I knew that university student from a caving club that I was in, well before I first met Wendy, he being in a different caving club, not knowing that he had rented with Wendy’s family till I saw CAVING/ROCKCLIMBING GEAR in Wendy’s garage and asked her about who owned it.

Both Wendy & Margaret had dads who were alcoholics. Margaret’s mum had once caught her kissing another girl when she was 14, and Wendy told me that she had kissed a girl when she was 14 .

When Margaret was raped on Good Friday, 1971, she was picked up hitching with a lady friend trying to get from Liverpool to Melbourne. Wendy had once told me, I once set out to hitch to Melbourne with another girl, but did not get that far.

And there are several other such parallels that convinced me that Wendy, a girl I once wanted to marry when she was 20, is Margaret who had been raped by Milat back when she had been 18, two years before I met her. Both Wendy and Margaret are the same age.

Only one thing that I read about Margaret did not fit Wendy. Margaret, when she told the staff at that BP café that she had been raped, said “he broke my glasses.” I never knew Wendy to wear glasses, until during the 2000 Sydney Para Olympics the first time I saw her since the 1970’s when I dropped in to say hello, and she said to me, “I knew your voice but at first could not work out who you were. We are both getting old, and going grey, and I have to wear glasses now when reading.”

But between Easter 1971 & March 1973 when I met her, Wendy’s eyes could have been fixed, or she may have had contact lenses at the time when I met her, very possible but not absolutely sure. Or may have only used glasses for reading or else just for very long distance, etc, when I had first met her. So this glasses thing is not enough to say I am mistaken about Wendy being this Margaret. But I do think so many other things that fit her that my ex-girlfriend Wendy clearly has to be Margaret who was raped by Ivan Milat two years before I met her. If just one or two things fits them both it is a coincidence. But when absolutely everything but the glasses fits them both exactly down to every very small detail, then they are both the very same person.

I did try to get the records of Ivan Milat’s Rape trial, where Margaret testified against him, but these trial transcripts would have cost me over $100--, so I never did pursue this matter any further.

Wendy had said to me “we are meant for each other” and another time “I will do anything you want me to do.” I wanted to ask Wendy to marry me then and there, but instead asked her “anything” and she laughed and said “almost anything.” That “almost” made me fear that I could loose her if I asked her to marry me, so I did not ask her to marry me.

Then one day, I was at Wendy’s home, and a stranger who knew her visited her from Goulbourn riding an ex-police pursuit motorcycle. I thought he might be an ex-boyfriend, though she had assured me she had never kissed a man. And then I heard him ask her “what is he doing here,” and Wendy replied “I can’t get rid of the bum.” So I walked away extremely sad and upset, thinking that the girl I wanted to marry did not want me to be a part of her life. Remembering I had a phobia about being rejected and was trying to get up the courage to ask her to marry me, but was very scared she would not want me due to my phobia making me think that way.

Some months later someone, I do not know who, tried to visit me where I was, and I refused to see them, not wanting to see anyone but Wendy at that time. I was told at that time “I think it is your sister and a friend.” But years later found out it was not my sister, that she had never tried to visit me at that time. I now think this was probably Wendy who had tried to visit me at that time, due to something Wendy said, but never found out for sure. I always thought this break-up must have been my fault, until I started to read all these psychology books discussing ACoAs type thinking. Now I understand things differently.

I did not know how an ACoAs psychologically thought and acted, hence could not understand any bad side to Wendy. But there are many characteristics of those who grow up in an alcoholic home, as these psychology books I read point out.

Now I have given you this background to help you understand what I intend to say in other posts about the patterns of thinking of the vast majority of ACoAs people, Wendy being a prime example that I will use, and the background to why I have read on this psychology of ACoAs subject, and try to understand their thinking.

[QUOTE=JohnF;1200286]In my posts I will be looking at some mind matters.

Back in 1973 I met a girl who told me she was named Wendy, and I decided that Wendy was the one I wanted to marry, though we both ended up marrying someone else later.

Hi john i'm looking forward to read more of your posts that was very iteresting for me...
Did you find out if it was you Wendy was refering to when she said cant get ride of the bum..anyway looking forard to the next installment..THANKS jason & Karen..