Thread: Embarrassment

Banjo, remember you said in an earlier post that you gave me a lift home and you walked out the back and saw the bird feeder that I had built, well here it is in action with a flock of Rosella's!!!!!

Sorry about the image being a little fuzzy, I wish I owned a 35mm DSLR Camera with a telephoto lens!!!!

Well guys i'm not the nice bloke use think i am at all..
Been talking with Karen today & this is why she doesn't want to work things out & i don't blame her for it . . . .

When we first started to date Karen & i did everything my father wanted & i meen everything..

We moved out when i was 18 & Karen was 17 but untill i was about 25 or 27 we still ran after my father big time always over his place just in case he wanted something or wanted me to do something..

We also had to ask them over for tea which was real bad for Karen as he just treated us like **** to the point he would only come over if the vegies where cooked in separate pots so they where all separate on the plate plus Karen would buy stuff for them that we didn't eat but got them for him. On one accation He even had an argument with one of my sisters & left before Karen had served tea which she spent all day on as it was a roast & put all the crap they wanted out & cooked then he just got the ****ing ****s & said **** this where goin home & left..
This went on for years..
& this is the sort of thing i thought was the right thing to do all this time..

I lost my job a few months after we moved out & had heaps of trouble being on my own , so Karen would take sickies to stay with me till she had none .Then the wallsent hospital closed & Karen was out of work & she could of went to the John Hunter to work but thought it easier to say no & stay with me...

I got so bad from my younger days that if Karen went to her parents place i have rang her & abused her for not being at home with me .I thought this was the thing to do as its what i had seen...

Karen used to goto the gym & i would get jelous to the point she gave up going cause the mood i was in when she got home wasn't worth it..
This would happen when ever Karen went out to anything.. & all the time i was just worried about being at my fathers incase he wanted something or was going to say something....

I remember once i was at Karens for tea we had finished tea & Karen & i where doing the dishes & the phone rang, YES it was my oldman...I had an account at a service station next to where i was working & booked up a bill every week that i PAYED at the end of the week..Well they desided to go through all my draws in my room & found it & i shouldn't of had it as he said i couldn't..Well he rings me up & abuses me over the phone & i meen he realy abused me & told me to get home quick so i did & coped a hidin when i did to the point i was in tears real bad ...Then when he was finished it was as if it had never happend & he says well you can go back there if you want......

It got to the point if i was calling in at home with Karen i would have to toot to let them know cause they would allways be in the loungeroom naked & i recon a heap more ..& he hated the fact that Karen wouldn't conform to his way & so i wouldn't..

I also got a call once at our house because i took a sicky once & one of my bosses kids went to the same school as my sister & i told them i had a slight fall from a motor bike so i could have the sicky..Well the phone rings bla bla so how you feeling since you fell off the bike you lieing ****in **** mum (stepmom) stuck up for you & said yeah he probably did but thats something he wouldn't tell his father about....bla bla so i think you should get your self over here to thank mum for saving your ****ing neck so make it quick...

These sorts of things went on for ever till i was about 25 or 27 that when i stoped going there because we where about to be avicted from our house we where in (Karen & I) so we had to goto my fathers place for a round table descusion & my mother & step father was invited & turned up & well we ended up living with my mother for about 6 months over that one...

Well while living there i managed to embaress the hell out of Karen big time as we where surposed to goto his place once & lets just say Karen was having weman troubles ,So i rang him to tell him we wouldn't be there well it turned into a third degree & i had to explain it to him in detail over the phone & everyone there heard it all...

Karen & i where to be married just after my 21st birthday party ..Well the party turned into a brawl with him & me ..i was made to give a speech which i didn't want to I didn't even want the ****ing party..Then he did something & i said **** be careful he threw a plate of food over the table where everyone had put my presants & knocked a coil thing & candle over & in the end i think Karen managed to save about 3 things ..He even told people if they where to get me anything to make sure they got it engraved as i mite hock it cause we where broke...Then he desided to drag me out the front yard so he could have his say & humilyate me big time in front of everyone....

After that Karens Parents who where there said if he is going to the wedding where not..so we cansend it & lost all our deposits....

I didn't go & see the kids being born because of my problem & Karen is ****ed at that...

This is what Karen told me today what is going through her head around & around all day ..

She blames me for this & for what has happend to her now which i do agree with her ..This is why she can't trust me to open herself back up to this again..

I haven't rang Karen to abuse her for anything for a very long time once i was out of my fathers control about when i was 25 or 27 . . .
I still make Karen feel as though she should be at home with me & not out & this is what she meens by me taking so much away from her in the past & now, now....I didn't meen to do this at all to her & i want to give it all back to her but she says its to ingrained in her to trust me that it wont happen again.....

I am trying to proove this to her by doing everything for her but she says its to late because she has had to do everything for so long & felt like a single mum for so long aswell...
She finds it uncomfortable if i am with her down the road to do anything with her because she isn't used to me helping her.....

AND to top this off (BIG SECRET TIME) i am a sex adict which Karen has said it makes her feel like a peice of meat just here for that..& i never wanted her to feel like that in anyway...

I brought a car once Karen & i together it was our first together it was a real nice looking HJ sedan 308 V8 real nice ..well when we brought it i got it from across the road from where my oldman worked .At the time i was the one that had to pick him up from work & take him home well i had an old val AP6 & i didn't trade it so i left it at his work with the keys in it for him to drive home , Well that wasn't good enough for him so i copped a heap of abuse over that & he kept telling me we had brought a lemon in the HJ...

Had a sherif turn up at the oldmans once looking for me so they told him where we lived & he rang us to say that he was coming & said its probably just for dury duty or something..Well it wasn't when i first started to get sick the docs all thought i had ulsers so i had to goto all these speicalists for tests ..well because i allways worked i gave my stepmother the money & bill when it came in to pay them for me ,, guess what they never did & i was to front court for it,& when we fronted them about it she said yeah i payed them & he just belived her but i think he was in on it aswell...

This is why Karen doesn't want me anymore..& saddly i can understand her for it.....

PS i will get Karen to check all this & add anything i have left out . . . . .

Banjo, you and Karen REALLY NEED TO GET AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS on your own for a break, NO PARENTS/NO KIDS/NO INTERNET, just you and Karen together and talk this out, it sounds like Karen is starting to open up just a little, with those pent up feelings that she has kept under wraps for years. Mate as I said before I can associate with your feelings against your father, remember mine used to come home drunk and bash mum, we used to sneak around the house for fear of upsetting him, he has abused me verbally (must admit he never laid a hand on me, and when he gave up the grog, he stopped belting mum) but he always remained a bad tempered domineering old man. When mum died he moved in with another woman and when he died he left his entire estate to her, we boys got nothing. Now the reason I have mentioned this is that I REFUSE to let that ruin my life, I am not angry at him, I don't hate him, I just feel sorry for him that he was so nasty and bitter.
My way of handling difficulties of the past is, and you know I have had more than my fairshare, is to mentally parcel them up and tie a mental bow around the parcel and put it aside. THE PAST IS NOT GOING TO RUIN MY FUTURE. Of cause I have flashbacks, of cause I have my down days, of cause I get bad tempered doesn't everybody???
OK lets run through my scenario again....
1) Domineering Father who bashed mum........parceled up.
2) First wife dying at 27 years of age (this one is VERY difficult)...parceled up.
3) Stepson into drugs and trouble with the law and going to jail on numerous occasions......parceled up, but boy did we fight to pull him back, and did not succeed.
4) Bowel Cancer. This one turned out for the best, but it certainly makes you think about your life when the Doctor says I have cancer and if he does'nt operate soon I have 1 to 2 years left....parceled up.

Banjo it is not just you mate, everybody has their demons and it is up to you to control those demons and I tell you what there are some bloody good people on this Thread trying to help you.
I hope this helps. Cheers mate.

Me again Banjo, while I am on my soapbox I have to tell you about my older brother,Cliff. He died in 2003 at the age of 67 of a heart attack and his wife (my sister in law) died 2 years later of a broken heart. You reckon you have a ****ty life try this on for size.

Cliff originally had four sons Kevin, Gregory, Paul and Tony. I'll start with Paul who was born in 1962 with a hole in the heart, in those days of cause they didn't have the medical knowledge they have now and my brother was advised to let Paul grow and get strength because they have to operate to repair the hole in the heart, he got to about 7 years of age and the poor little bugger would walk about 50 metres and he would have to sit down, he was blue in the face and exhausted. Well they had to operate on his heart, when they opened him up his heart was much worse than they expected and he died on the operating table. Cliff never got over this.
In 1978 one of his other sons, Gregory was driving up to Nelson Bay, it was about 1am and he ran off the road and hit a tree, killed him. There was no evidence of Drugs or Alcohol in his system and the only thing we can think off, is that he fell asleep at the wheel. He MAY have been speeding but there was no skid marks off the road. He was 18 years old.
In 1994 Cliff rang me just before Christmas to tell me that one of his other sons Tony had passed away suffering from Aids, Tony was gay but as I have found out with a lot of gay guys, he was the nicest bloke you could ever meet, he was 31 and his ashes are scattered at Nelson Bay.
By this time my brother was a shattered man.
The other son, Kevin is still alive, he lives by himself in a caravan. He is now 52 years of age.


Hows that for a ****ty life Banjo, makes you think doesn't it!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Ausfree

Banjo, you and KarenREALLY NEED TO GET AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS on your own for a break, NO PARENTS/NO KIDS/NO INTERNET, just you and Karen together and talk this out, it

HAHAHA whats that ..Have no one to look after the kids for one ,Then where would we go..Costs to much to stay anywhere nowadays . . . . .

Originally Posted by bblaze

Hi All
finally got the approval to pour my slab for the shed today, been a long battle since june last year. One bite at a time and we are under way and hopefully be poured on friday. Mentioned before Jason, my wife has been treated for stress/depression for the last 2 years, very nearly ruined a 30 year marrage (in this case I just couldnt take it any more) but I kicked my own ass and finally things are on the improve. I am sure there will be tough times ahead for you and Karen but stick to the task at hand, look after yoourself (love yourself too, cant love any one else until you learn to love yourself).
I am going to make you an offer now Jason and It would be nice if others felt they could (making this a public offer so others may come on board)
I will Do a direct deposit into your account for
$200
to go toward some camping gear/camper tailer of your choice
All you need to do Jason is PM your account details
cheers
blaze
ps
hope all your tommorows are better than your yestedays

Lucky bugga getin a shed done . . .

Not sure how to take that one everyone was so kind when we moved in here that we felt like a charitty case.....

Although i am realy lookin forward to gettin away hopefuly before the hot weather as it gives me heaps with my medication . . . . .

Seems to be on a roll here...



My dad beat up my mum for years while he was drunk everynight...my eldest sister got most of the abuse not me or my younger sister....

when you think about it there are LOTS of people in similar situations but they don't talk about it

Always good to talk about problems

Mrs hh

Originally Posted by The ho har's

Seems to be on a roll here...



My dad beat up my mum for years while he was drunk everynight...my eldest sister got most of the abuse not me or my younger sister....

when you think about it there are LOTS of people in similar situations but they don't talk about it

Always good to talk about problems

Mrs hh

There you go Banjo, another one. As I have mentioned to you before you can stand on any street corner and look at people walking past and EVERYBODY has a story to tell.
Incidently Mrs HH, my older brother Cliff copped it too, but me and my younger brother missed out on the physical violence,not the verbal though!!!