Thread: you know you're Australian when...

You think Ian Thorpe will meet a nice girl settle down and have a couple of kids!

You know you're Australian if …

You know the meaning of the word "girt".


You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.

You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".

You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".

You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".

Hamburger. Beetroot. Pineapple. Of course.

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is not spelt with a "u".

You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc.

You know that some ppl pronounce Australia like “Strayla” and that’s ok.

You know that there is a universal place called “woop woop” located in the middle of nowhere… no matter where you actually are.

You know that while we call our friends ‘mates’, we don’t use terms like ‘sheila’ and ‘shrimp on the barbie’, contrary to popular belief.

You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like crap. But we let the world think we do. Because that way we can get rid of the stuff.

You’ve seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel’s Wedding, The Castle, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, and maybe even WolfCreek.

It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually Australian… Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Baz Luhrman, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Midnight Oil, ACDC, INXS, Greg Norman, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe…

One word: Skippy.

You drive on the left-hand side of the road.

If you’re a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. ‘Hit and runs’ just aren’t cricket. Because Aussies stick together.

You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent and, for some bizare reason, think that they invented pavlova (yeah Bull kiwis Bull.) They are to be pitied. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.

You know that you can’t eat Fantales alone… Otherwise who will you play the ‘Who am I…’ game with when you’re reading the wrapper?

You know that Americans think we’re all Steve Irwin clones. And crickey, they couldn’t be more wrong.

23. You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.

You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread… and actually grow to like it. You’ve also squeeze Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.

You have the ability to compress several words into one – ie ‘g’day’ and ‘d’reckn?’. This allows more space for profanities.

You’ve ever used the words – tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet – to mean good. And then you place ‘bloody’ in front of it when you REALLY mean it.

You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

You say ‘no worries’ quite often, whether you realise it or not.

You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can’t imagine your childhood without it.

You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don’t know what “girt” means. And you’re ok with that.

You’ve drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.

You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the ‘one bounce, one hand’ rule always applies.

You know that we are home to the just about all of the world’s deadliest of animals. That’s why if anybody messes with us we’ll get some funnel webs on their arses.

You see people walking bare-foot on the footpath and don’t scorn…. because you’re doing it too.

You know that in summer a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.

Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.

You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, “she’ll be right, mate”.

You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of booze… but you can’t remember.

You own a Bond’s chesty singlet. In one of several different colours.

You’ve ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $10 at your local RSL.

You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.

You know how to slip, slop, slap like it’s nobody’s business.

You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alchohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.

You know there’s no lbw in backyard cricket, and over the fence is out.

You know Drop Bears exist. Positively. Hoop snakes... maybe.

You know you that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra. Or a chunky meat pie.

You know Australia IS the best bloody place on earth. Bar none.

You wear ugg boots outside the house.

You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, While 'scuse me' is always polite.

You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.

You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.

When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

Next door means a 30 min drive,down the road is an hour.

When 'getting blind'or 'smashed' is a good thing

You go to the bottlo not the gym to get a six pack

You measure a journey in beer, not kilometres or time. (That's a 3 beer trip mate).

You stop greeting people with "hello" and go straight to the "how ya doin' ?"

You call soccer soccer, not football.

You realise that lifeguards are the only people who can get away with wearing Speedos.

And you know that the proper name for Speedos is “budgie smugglers”




(received this as an email about a week or two ago...perfect timing!)

The Dawn Service on Anzac Day never fails to put a lump in your throat, and a tear in your eye, Bob