Thread: Thank you...all of you

Hello everyone…
I think it’s about time that I posted this. I’ve been trying to formulate the words for a few days now but just haven’t been successful. I know that most of you don’t know me (I’m Sarah, 25 and now a single mum to a one year old). Most of you have never heard my voice or had an email from me let alone met me in person. Despite this I have been offered such support and words of kindness and such an overwhelming outpouring of love.
I can’t thank you all enough. I honestly can’t.
At this time two weeks ago I was sitting on the driveway of my old house trying desperately to get a grip on the fact I had lost my Simon. That he was laying just meters from me with no light in his eyes and no warmth in his skin with strangers inspecting him for signs of life.
I knew the moment I touched him he was gone, I screamed and screamed for what felt like forever. I knew he wasn’t coming back. It was the single most confronting moment in my life…knowing if I searched for a pulse I’d not find it and that I didn’t need an ambulance, I needed the Police.
Now two weeks later I feel like I can’t remember him enough. I stare at photos and listen to voice recordings and picture him in the room and it all just feels so forced. Memories don’t do him justice, the reality of him was so much better.
One of the first things I did when I came home was turn to the forum. Part of me just needed to tell someone. Part of me knew that there were individuals on here that understood. I was hoping that I would hear some kind words, I was hoping people would tell me that I would be ok.
What actually happened was beyond any expectations…
I have had people from all over this country reach out and help hold me up. I’ve had countless offers of support. I’ve had people taking leave from work. I’ve had men in my driveway fixing our Series. I’ve had members travel for hours to join us at his funeral. I’ve had phone calls. Text messages. PMs and emails.Most importantly, at no point in time over the last fortnight have I ever been able to feel alone.
I’ve been given money… By far the most humbling experience of my life. To know that strangers who might never meet me have taken money from their own pockets and passed it on to me and our son has been…I don’t think I have a word for it. Suffice to say it’s made me cry more than once. I know how hard you all work, and I know so many others are struggling. It has made a huge difference. I wouldn’t have had petrol to get to the funeral without it. As many of you would know, accounts get frozen as soon as banks know of someone’s death. It also happened to be when we had a month of rent due, so thankfully we still have the roof over our heads. I honestly can’t thank those who donated enough.
The biggest thing that I have been given and maybe this will sound odd…But the biggest thing by far is that I have had strangers arrive at my house and give me a hug. I’ve had people wrap me in their arms and let me cry. I've had people on the end of the phone just allow me sob. I’ve been given permission to grieve and not treated as if the grief is contagious.
Many of you have asked me what is going to happen with LSD. My simple answer is I don’t know. LSD is Simon… it’s his middle names and surname (SLSD). Every time I say it or see it or hear it, I think of him. It's hard. From a legal perspective he was a sole trader which does make it more complex. He had absolute faith in me operating it and he wouldn’t want it to just disappear. But I have plans that may change it and make it easier for me to operate. I need to investigate community grants and investors…when I have a clearer idea of if my plans are achievable I can explain better. A little mystery for you all If there are any millionaires on here, drop me a line
And finally…a few pieces of advice from me.
1. Make a will. Even if you think you’ve only got $10 in your pocket and it’s not worth it. MAKE A WILL. Choose who you want to administer your estate…choose who you want the money to go to. We’re going to have a fun few months playing the legal game now. Those funeral plan ads are right about it being a burden. Who wants to dissect someone’s life and place value based on what the court says?
2. Know where your super is and if possible consolidate it. If you need help, I will help you. Keep a record with your Will. Keep your will in a place that people know about. Keep your life in order. Insure your loans. Insure your life. Protect your family. Make it easy for them.The grief alone is impossible to cope with at times, letalone calling companies to ask them if they know if you had an account and hear monoton responses without any hint of empathy.
3. Take lots of photos. Videos. Write people you love letters. Give them something to hold onto. It will never be enough but it will be better than not having anything.
4. Say what you want. Say it loud and clear. If you know you want your children to go to a particular school or if you want your family to live in a particular suburb. Tell them. Don’t just think it, share it. My life is easier knowing what Simon wanted for Lucas…I know which school I need to enrol him at, I know that he wanted to get him a tool box for Christmas. I know that Simon wouldn’t want me alone and grieving for the rest of my life. I know it because we talked about it after Chris Hardie’s funeral. I know that he’d want me to have someone who loved me and who would raise Lucas the way he wanted. I know that he always thought I was a strong person, he always had faith I would get through anything.
5. Don’t kill yourself. I've had people message me and say they've let their minds go there. Do not do it. You can’t comprehend the utter devastation. Don’t leave people questioning everything they’ve said and done with you, around you, in relation to you for the entire time they’ve known you. If you think about it get some help. You have more friends than you know, there is more love than you know. Please don’t do it. There is no shame in getting help, there is no shame in reaching out. Suicide doesn’t cure heart ache, it just passes it on to those closest to you.
Finally… last year, before LSD joined I created a profile called Land Rover Widow. I was referring to the fact I’d lost Simon to the Rovers…not this situation! But it seems fitting now. I might just start using it, depending on what happens to LSD
You all have my thanks, if I can ever return the favour, please just ask.
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this family. You've just blown me away


Sarah
x

Sarah,
Thankyou for sharing. You will never forget, but the days will get easier.
Take care.
CraigE