Thread: Hug your loved ones, and often

Words that help in these circumstances are hard to find.

Last Sunday when the three of you were heading into town your wife's smile made my day. I hope you can draw on positive memories of your time together during this difficult time.

Otherwise all I can offer for the moment is that you are not alone, the thoughts of many are with you, reach out if you need to, we are here.

Stephen.

Our deepest condolences Bill, and yes you are so right we do need to express our feelings

Richard and Dru

Bill,

My sincere condolences.

It gets to a stage were there is nothing you can say or do to change how a depressed person feels. It is indeed an illness that robs a person of the ability to see the way out of what they are experiencing.

Stay strong, remember the good, lean on your friends and remember it was not anyone's fault.

My wifes and I thoughts are with you.

As many have said, the future is there to be conquered.

All the best
Roger and Lyn

Thank you all for your kind words, I've tried to thank you with the thanks icon on your individual posts, but the pages are very slow to load this evening so I'll try to attend to that tomorrow .I am overwhelmed , appreciative and humbled by the responses here and regret that my wife didn't share my Landrover related interest, for she would have learned what a generally great bunch of people the LandRover fraturnity are. Family and friends have as some have suggested also been a great comfort today. Neighbors, some I didn't even know existed have also been great in taking the time to call in to express their condolences.
I will continue where possible to be involved with and support my wifes support group, the E.A.C.H organisation, who do a fantastic job of helping those with mental issues get their lives back on track. I don't consider my wifes passing as a failure on their part, for without their help and support I fear I would have lost her much earlier.
Bill.

My sincere condolences as well, Bill. Don't worry about what you should have or may have or might have done and remember that you were there when others would have given up. It's true - some people will run a mile from a huge problem like this, so it takes a solid guy to hang in there.

There is no way around your anguish. Meet it head on. Decide that, although you had no choice in your wife’s tragedy, you do have a choice in how you respond.

Let your wife be a continuing presence in your life and her good positive points and memory continue to inspire you.

Reach out to anyone. As you have pointed out men tackle grief in a different way, often we totally avoiding facing it. Some men build a fort around their feelings. The pain of loss is just as intense for men as for women, but as a society we praise those who “hold up well," who maintain “a stiff upper lip," who adopt the strong, silent stance, as if the stoic mask provides some protection. On the contrary, instead of shielding against pain, the mask hurts. In hiding pain, it has to be carried silently and alone.

Everyone handles grief differently but I believe you need a focus. Accept help and share the suffering. In reaching out to others like you have I believe you help yourself.

I do not pretend to know the depths of your grief and pray to god I never have to, But myself and my family all are thinking of you and have you and your family and friends in our prayers.

I have only just lost you and the pain is so very hard to bear
Why do I have to go through life knowing you're not there?

please some one explain to me why she had to go
are there any single reasons, I really need to know

I sit here and remember all the lovely times we shared
the talks, the laughter of every one, and how you always cared

I loved you, I disliked you, we argued and we kissed;
Your face, your touch, your scent forever I shall miss;

To hold you in my arms again, my soul no longer lost;
I'd pay the price and gladly have no worry to the cost.

The thoughts so dark that ate at you, made you feel so alone
the tries you made to end it all, I understood but could not condone

Is it truly so selfish to want you back again?
although I tried I could not calm your mind, I could not ease your pain,

Sometimes I know I hurt you, I know that was so true;
But please forgive me for those wrong, for I always have and always will love you
I am told the pain will ease in time and I’ll think of her without tears
but I feel that will be impossible as I need to have her here

I’m glad the pain for her is gone, she finally found that elusive peace
But the regret I feel for things unsaid will never ever cease

She was my very world to me and my ever guiding star
Just kiss me softly on the cheek and tell me you are safe where you are




This is a combination and adaptation of “The Leaving” by Colin Jarratt and “My Lost Love” by Anne Spiller, apologies to both for borrowing their work but I feel combined and with a few changes it fits this situation..





Do not blame yourself, remember the good times, talk to someone, anyone...and just remember to breathe...

Digger & Clan

Bill, I'm so sorry to be hearing this. My sincerest condolences to yourself and your family. It is certainly a stark reminder to consider lifes big picture and to remember to value the every day aspects.