Thread: JOKES (Part 3)

Gday again Knight [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]

Page 3 (mmm, page 3)

Ohh, sorry, just got distracted there for a minute.
I just posted 2 jokes in Joke Thread 2 and now nobody's gonna read 'em. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif[/img]

I think most of the jokes I've ever heard have been told here somewhere.

Good one Knight,

I particularly like the

<span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%">"wake up you are all getting very complacent"</span>

A young Newfoundlander moved to California and goes to a big mega-department store looking for a job.

The manager says " Do you have any sales experience?"
The Newfie says " Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Newfoundland."

Well, the boss liked the Newfoundlander (of course) so he gave him the job.

He said " You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did on your first day".

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to see him.

"How many sales did you make today?", the boss asked.
The Newfie proudly said " One".
The boss says, " Just One? Our sales people average 20-30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
The Newfie says, $101,237.64".
The Boss says, " $101,237.64? What in the name of God did you sell?"

The Newfie said, "I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going to go fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat dept. and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I
took him down to the automotive dept. and sold him that 4 X 4 Suburban.

The Boss said, " A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The Newfie says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said............
" Well, your weekend's shot -- You might as well go Fishing!!!""

Cheers
Knight :wink:

That's a beauty knight. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Originally posted by disco95
That's a beauty knight. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Have to agree .... had me in stitches .... Thanks Knight .... [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]

Davo

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in
> >> > >>>Belmore and,trying to make a good impression on her first day,
> >> > >>>explains to her class that she is a Canterbury Bulldogs fan.
> >> > >>>
> >> > >>>She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are
> >> > >>>Bulldogs

> >> >

>>>> >> > >>>fans.
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>Everyone in the class raises their hand except one
>>>> >> > >>>little girl.
>>>> >> > >>>The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and
>>>> >> > >>>says:
>>>> >> > >>>"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>"Because I'm not a Bulldogs fan," she replied.
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're
>>>> >> > >>>not a Bulldog fan,
>>>> >> > >>>then who do you follow?"
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>"I'm a DRAGONS fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>The teacher could not believe her ears.
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>"Mary, why, please tell, are you a DRAGONS fan?"
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>"Because my mum and dad are from Kogarah, and my mum
>>>> >> > >>>is a DRAGONS fan and my dad is a DRAGONS fan, so I'm a DRAGONS fan
>>>> >> > >>>too
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed
>>>> >> > >>>tone,
>>>> >> > >>>"that's no reason for you to be a DRAGONS fan. You
>>>> >> > >>>don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if
>>>> >> > >>>your

> >> >

>>>> >> > >>>mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief,
>>>> >> > >>>what would you be then?"
>>>> >> > >>>
>>>> >> > >>>"Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Bulldogs fan."



A young blonde woman, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night

by casting herself into the cold, dark waters of Sydney Harbour. As she

stood on the edge of the dock, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed
her as he strolled by.
> >>"You're not thinking of jumping, are you?" he asked. "Yes, yes I am."
> >>replied the sobbing girl. Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor
> >>coaxed
> >>her back from the edge,"Look, nothing's worth that. I tell you what, I'm
> >>sailing off for Europe tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and
> >>start
> >>a new life over there? I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the
> >>deck,
> >>bring you food and water every night, and I'll look after you if you

'look

>>>> >>after' me."
>>>> >>
>>>> >>The girl, having no better prospects, agreed and the sailor snuck her on
>>>> >>board that night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor would
>>>> >>come to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making

love

>>>> >>to her until dawn.
>>>> >>Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine
>>>> >>inspection of the ship and it's lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to
>>>> >>find
>>>> >>the startled young woman AND DEMANDED an explanation.
>>>> >>The young woman came clean; "I've stowed away to get to Europe. One of

the

>>>> >>sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and
>>>> >>water
>>>> >>every night, and he's screwing me."
>>>> >>
>>>> >>The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a small grin

cracked

>>>> >>his face and he replied; "He sure is, this is the Manly Ferry".


Two women are new arrivals at the Pearly Gates, and are comparing
> >>stories on how they had died.
> >>
> >>First woman-"I froze to death."
> >>
> >>Second woman-"You froze to death - how horrible!"
> >>
> >>First woman-"Well, it wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold,
> >>I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
> >>about you?"
> >>
> >>Second woman-"I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
> >>husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But
> >>instead, I found him all by himself in the den, watching TV."
> >>
> >>First woman-"So what happened?"
> >>
> >>Second woman- - "I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere,
> >>that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
> >>attic and searched and down to the basement. Then I went through every
> >>closet and checked under every bed. I kept this up until I had looked
> >>everywhere, and finally became so exhausted that I just keeled over with
> >>a heart attack and died."
> >>
> >>First woman-"Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be
> >>alive.

Hi all hope you like this one

4 guys met whilst playing a round of golf one sunday afternoon. When thay had finished their round they headed back to the club house for a few ales. Guy number 4 told the other three to go to the bar and order the first round, and that he would follow after he paid the course fees. When the other three got to the bar they started a conversation about how successful their sons were. Guy 1 said my son is a successful stock broker and that he was so successful he just gave one of his mates a full stock port folio for free. Guy number 2 says thats nothing my son is a successful car sales man he owns three land rover dealer ships (supposed to be mercs but where would the fun in that be) and he just gave a mate a fully optioned range rover. The 3rd guy pipes up at this stage and says look thats nothing, my son is a successful real estate agent and he just gave a friend a harbour side appartment in sydney. At this point the 4th guy strolls in and picks up his beer. The 3 guys tell him that they were just discussing how successful their sons are and ask what his son does. He says oh he is doing alright, he is gay. The others look shocked. To which he says oh i dont mind his last three boyfriends gave him a stock port folio, a range rover and a harbour side appartment in sydney.
Matt.