Thread: Laughs/Funnies for 2005

Been doing it for years Vlad 8) 8) I'm a bit miffed that some one has published my MO........Damm their on to me now.

Originally posted by p38arover+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(p38arover)</div><div class='quotemain'>

Originally posted by bigbugga@
<!--QuoteBegin-Pedro_The_Swift

spechilly if you do it wrong,, hey Ron :wink:

I wont agrue with an expert :wink:

I'm not sure if that's "agree" or "argue" - it could be either. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]

Oh, "wont" means:
1: ACCUSTOMED, USED <got up early as he is wont to do>
2 : INCLINED, APT " (from Merriam-Webster)

So that sentence could possibly be read in several ways. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]

Ron[/b][/quote]

OMG, Mom I have told you not to come in here and correct me all the time dammit.








[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Originally posted by bigbugga
OMG, Mom I have told you not to come in here and correct me all the time dammit.[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

OK. But first:

"97 defender & 2002 AU XR8
Slow and rough one day
Fast and powerfull the next "

"powerful" [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]

Ron

Originally posted by p38arover+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(p38arover)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-bigbugga
OMG, Mom I have told you not to come in here and correct me all the time dammit.[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

OK. But first:

"97 defender & 2002 AU XR8
Slow and rough one day
Fast and powerfull the next "

"powerful" [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]

Ron[/b][/quote]


Wellll I was going to put HARD but is sounded rude ops:

<span style="color:blue"><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%">The Octopus</span></span>

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus.

He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.

He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.

Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix.

The guitar owner pays up the $50.

Another customer walks up with a trumpet.

This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The trumpet-owner coughs up the $50.

Then Jim, a Scotsman plonks some bagpipes on the table.

The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look.

Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says,

"Play it? I'm going to shag it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off." [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]


Cheers
Knight :wink:

A Range Rover one for you all.

The Queen and Princess Anne are out for a drive in one of the Queen's Range
Rovers.

Suddenly some armed robbers leap out of the bushes and stop the car. "Give
us the money", they shout at the Queen.

"But I'm the Queen of England, I have no need for money."

"Oh, ****", says the leader of the armed band, and turns to Anne. "Give us
yer jewels."

"But I don't wear my jewels all the time, only on state occasions."

The armed robbers look fed up, when suddenly they hear the sound of wailing
sirens approaching.

"Quick, out of the car! We'll have the Range Rover at least," and with that
the robbers drive off.

As the Queen and Anne are waiting for the Police to get there, Anne turns to
the Queen, "What did you do with all the cash you had? You're always
loaded."

"Ah," says the Queen, "I saw the robbers and in the few seconds before they
got to the car I rolled up my notes and tucked them into that little place
that only women have."

Reaching under her skirt, she produces several thousand pounds in notes.

"And what did you do with your jewels?

You always wear lots of jewellry, my dear."

The Queen says to Anne. "Well, like you, in those few seconds before the
robbers got to the car, I slipped off my rings, necklaces and tiara, and
like you, slipped them into that little place that only women have."

Reaching down, she plucks out her jewellry.

They both sit quietly for a few minutes, before the Queen turns to Anne "You
know, if Fergie had been with us, we could still have the Range Rover."


Matt

Church Announcements

Once again, Actual announcements taken from church bulletins:

- Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.

- Thursday night-potluck supper. Prayer medication to follow.

- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

- For those who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

- The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

- Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

- Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

- Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in the private study.

- This being Easter Sunday, we ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

- Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

- The ladies of the chuch have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement.

- A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

- Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

- The Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

- Pastor is away. Massages can be given to church secretary.

- Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

- The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

- The Men's group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

- The minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan: "I've Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Originally posted by p38arover

"97 defender & 2002 AU XR8
Slow and rough one day
Fast and powerfull the next "

"powerful"

Ron

He just wanted to emphasise how full of <span style="color:red">power </span>it is. 8)