Thread: Laughs/Funnies for 2005

and to think you were doing so well, and now you've spoiled it all..... :roll:

(ahhhh, redemption is here................ :wink: ) I know Vlads, i did let the team donw with that last one....Here's an oldie, but a goodie

[size=18]<span style="color:blue">BEER DRINKERS TROUBLE SHOOTING GUIDE</span>

Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction; beer is unusually pale and clear.

Fault: Glass empty

Action: Find someone to buy you another beer


Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction; front of your shirt is wet

Fault: Mouth not open when drinking OR glass applied to wrong part of face

Action: Buy another beer and practise in front of mirror; drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique!


Symptom: Feet cold and wet

Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle

Action: Turn glass other way so that open end points towards ceiling!


Symptom: Feet warm and wet

Fault: Improper bladder control

Action: Go and stand next to nearest dog; after a while, complain loudly to owner about lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation!


Symptom: Floor blurred

Fault: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass

Action: Find someone to buy you another beer


Symptom: Floor swaying

Fault: Excessive air turbulence, probably due to air-hockey game in progress in bar

Action: Insert broomhandle down back of shirt.


Symptom: Floor moving

Fault: You are being carried out.

Action: Find out if you are simply being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.


Symptom: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strips!

Fault: You have fallen over backwards

Action: If your glass is full - and no one is standing on your drinking arm - stay put and carry on. If not, get someone to help you up; attach self to bar.


Symptom: Everything has gone dim; your mouth is full of cigarette butts

Fault: You have fallen forwards

Action: See above


Symptom: Everything has gone dark

Fault: The pub is closed

Action: Panic!!!


Symptom: You awaken to find your bed cold, hard and wet; you can not see anything in your bedroom.

Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter

Action: Check your watch to see if the pubs are open yet; if not, treat yourself to a sleep-in!

Originally posted by Maggot4x4
Or the real estate agent with the sign"WERE No1" instead of "WE'RE No1"

Poor guys. :roll:

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]

My local real estate agent, Jim Aitkin, has an advert in the latest Blue Mountains and Central West real estate book. Their adverts says prominently across the top of the page "High Stantards"

Ron

Originally posted by Maggot4x4
Or the real estate agent with the sign"WERE No1" instead of "WE'RE No1"

Poor guys. :roll:

Maybe they're number 2 now [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]


Bushie

The beautiful young wife was especially pleased with her husband, as he'd spent some spare money on her and not on the Landie. So she decided to give him a treat, and put on her sexiest underwear. When he came home she purred, "tie me up, then do ANYTHING you want!"

So he tied her up and went 4WDing.

Originally posted by Knight
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Fill a pot with tap water and boil the hell out of it :roll:


thats all i got...sad isn't it?!


Cheers
Knight :wink:

How do you recycle toilet paper?















hang it on the clothes line and beat the **** out of it. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] Matt

Originally posted by Maggot4x4+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Maggot4x4)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-p38arover
Darran, Darran, Darran!

Why, oh why didn't you get me to spell (and apostrophe) check your cricket captaincy application?

Oh, dear!

Ron

Oh, talking of apostrophes, I walked past a Wendy's ice cream franchise today and noticed that Wendy's produce printed signs with "Wendy's Smoothy's". That's patently incorrect. The singular is "smoothy" and the plural is "smoothies".

Or the real estate agent with the sign"WERE No1" instead of "WE'RE No1"

Poor guys. :roll:[/b][/quote]

They're more wrong that right these days. How about:

Managers specials CD's from the 1960's and 1970's.

arghhhh

bus's

etc.

See what you have gone and done now ron, you have everybody spell checking and tearing apart other peoples pieces of writing. Matt