Thread: Laughs/Funnies for 2005

An Aussie was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, burly

American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the

neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says,"That's was

karate chop from Korea."



Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his

beer.



The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by

the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him

to the floor. "That's was judo chop from Japan", he says.



The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he

comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He

walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.



The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him

that was a f**cking crowbar from Bunnings." :wink: 8O [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Cheers
Knight :wink:

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him
"You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."

The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.

"I choose this room!" the man says.

"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.

"You can go now. I've found you're replacement."

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man comes into the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread - on the very top shelf - he politely says to the young woman, "I'd like some raisin bread, please."

She climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, providing the young man with an excellent view, just as he surmised she would. When she comes down the ladder, he says he really should get two loaves as he is having company for dinner.

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he orders a loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread just to watch the young woman climb up and down.

After many trips, she is tired, irritated and thinking she is really going to have to try the raisin bread herself. Once again she is up the ladder retrieving a loaf of raisin bread for another male customer. She stops and fumes, glaring at the men below. She notices an elderly man standing among the crowd of males looking up at her who hasn't placed an order yet.

Thinking to save herself another trip up and down the ladder, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin, too?" "No," croaked the old man, "but it's a quiverin'..."

A Queenslander is drinking in a Sydney bar when he gets a call on his mobile phone.
He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, he orders a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, because, he announces his wife has just produced a typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland. Like I said, my boy is a typical Queenslander baby boy.
Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "STREWTH" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the bar. The bartender says "You're the father of that typical Queenslander baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks we were going to call you. So, how much does he weigh?
The proud father answers, '17 pounds"
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born.
The Queenslander father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX, wipes
his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly
says.............."Had him circumcised"

i hope this doesn't offend people [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn&#96;t bring himself to tell his fiancee&#96; about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I&#96;ve got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.

The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don&#96;t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.

Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife&#96;s hand on the stump.

"Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I&#96;ll see what I can do!"

Hey,
as a friend of mine once said,,
"its only kinky the first time"
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]