Thread: Laughs/Funnies for 2005

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty, Except In Golf:


10. Damn, my shaft is bent.

9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter.

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty, except in golf is:

1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.


Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty, But Not When Said In The Office:



10. I need to whip it out by 5.

9. Mind if I use your laptop?

8. Just stick it in my box.

7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!

6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!

5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!

4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.

3. It's an entry level position.

2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but not when said at the office is:

1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty, But Not In A Law Firm:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?

9. He is one hard judge

8. Counselor, let's! do it in chambers.

7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.

6. Is it a penal offence?

5. Better leave the handcuffs on.

4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!

3. Can you get him to drop his suit?

2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but not in law firm is:

1. Think you can get me off?

>
> A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past
> and looks up and says to the monkey
> "Hey! what are you doing?"
> The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
> So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few
> joints.
> After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a
> drink from the river.
>
> The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the
> river.
> A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the
> side, then asks the lizard,
> "What's the matter with you?"
> The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint
> with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river
> while taking a drink.
>
> The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle,
> finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he
> looks up and says "Hey you!" The Monkey looks down and says
> "Faaaaaaark dude....... how much water
> did you drink?!!"