Thread: The Strain On Defence Force Families.

Article by Lydia Kellner.

Imagine being a child and not being able to see your family for nine months of the year. Imagine being uprooted every few years,leaving behind your friends and everything you hold dear. Imagine not being able to talk to loved ones for weeks on end,not knowing if he or she is safe. This is the harsh reality for the wives,partners and family members of personal serving in the Australian Defence Force. Rebeckah Costelloe is one of the many spouses who will make a stand against the Federal Governments Defence pay deal. Married to an Army corporal with a service record of 20 years,Mrs Costelloe has lived the highs and lows of Defence life. It is a life she wouldn't swap for the world as it has given her two beautiful sons and a dedicated and loving husband-but it has also brought her many tears,heartaches and moments where giving up seemed like the only option. "It's a hard life. I'm not hear to bash the military or to say that we're doing it harder than anybody else but it's important that people understand what we go through and what it is like to be a Defence family," Mrs Costelloe said. "Defence has a lot of exclusive limitations put on their personnel. "If my husband is unwell,he has to put on his uniform,drive to the base and sit at the base medical facility for hours waiting for a doctor and if he's lucky enough he will be sent home to recover.

"There are so many myths surrounding Defence and I've heard them all: You get tax-free pay,you get free rent,you get free health care....the list goes on and on. "Yes our rent is subsidised but we are put places where we couldn't afford rent because it's so expensive. "If we wouldn't get some assistance,we wouldn't be able to afford adequate housing for our family or pay other bills. "The majority of families that i have been involved with are single income families and it's very hard for wives,particularly for those with young children,to find work. "Because we're moving so often but also because of the work hours their husbands keep." Mrs Costelloe said many families spent an average of three months with their partners with the remainder spent away on exercises or deployments. "I'm lucky that I've learned to be a resilient person but I've seen a lot of wives crumble under the pressure and not being able to cope with it," she said. "I've been pushed to the limit and I've had times where I thought I can't do this anymore. "When my husband was deployed to East Timor,my youngest son was only a year old at the time and he would wake up at night and cry and cry because he wanted dad." she said.

"I sat down one year when my husband was away a lot to work out exactly how much he's been away and worked out that for the first four years of our son's life he was home for a total of nine months and that's hard. It's hard on the kids,on me and him." With the Federal Government recently cutting almost a week of recreational leave in exchange for a 1.5% pay increase,Mrs Costelloe said she had no doubt families would feel the sting more than ever. "Most of our family is in Coffs Harbour...and also our oldest son is going to uni there and we haven't seen him in three years. That's tough," she said. "He's a uni student,we're in Defence and we don't have the money to pay for the expensive flights between Coffs Harbour and Townsville. "You learn to cope as best as you can which is what we've done but it's one of the things people don't appreciate unless you're in the Defence life. "We have no choice in where we live. We have no choice where we go. It's decided for us and we just have to pack up and move on whenever we're told to do so." she said.


The school my daughters go to has a special program in place for kids of Defence families and it does a wonderful job,but it's still very hard on the kids. Just recently my daughter had her 5th birthday party and one of her friends who is the same age had never had her dad home for any of her birthdays. I was lucky when i was in the navy, as i was a young single bloke. I used to see the strain on blokes who had families when on long deployments,some would reach very deep depression and sadness. Defence families give so much and get very little in return.

Some of my mates are still in. The government should hang their heads in shame on the pay cut.

Defense Housing is a little better than it was. It is almost impossible for deployments to allow for kids, family and stuff the rest take for granted. One mate got married, posted to WA, set up his new wife ( from QLD) in Perth and was immediately re-posted to a East coast ship deployed for 12 month. Got back and then resent OS. Wife who he had seen for only a few weeks in two years went back to QLD leaving the ring behind in his defense force home

I only got married after I got out as I saw the divorce rate up close and felt for both sides. Very hard on families. Some make it One Gent who retired this year after a 30 year stretch is still happily married.