Thread: A nautical story

Capsized crew rescued in the Torres Strait. Been thru there a few times, wicked current.

Capsized crew rescued in Torres Strait | The New Daily

Subject: Latest News from UK Ministry of Defense

The Royal Navy is proud to announce its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having previously named the first two ships HMS Daring & HMS Dauntless, the MoD's Naming Committee has, after intense pressure from the European Union in Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious & HMS Prudence. The next five ships will be HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous & HMS Apologist. Costing £850 million each, they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation. The Royal Navy fully expects any future enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with similar high standards of behaviour. The revised user-friendly crow’s nest has excellent wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs, both to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to reduce the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal. The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only work a maximum of 37 hours per week as per Brussels Rules on Working Hours - even in wartime. All the vessels will be equipped with a maternity ward, a creche and a gay disco. While tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, recreational cannabis will be allowed in wardrooms & messes. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for "Rum, sodomy and the lash". So out has gone the rum ration, replaced by sparkling water. Sodomy remains, now extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available - by request. Saluting of officers is deemed elitist and has been replaced by, "Hello Sailor".
Information on all notice boards will be in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer have to ask permission to grow beards and/or moustaches. This applies equally to female crew. The MoD is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag ...because the White Ensign may offend minorities. The Union Jack must not be seen, or flown. The renamed HMS Cautious will soon be commissioned by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque, who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will gently slide into the sea accompanied by the Royal Marines Band playing The Village People’s "In the Navy". Her first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on England’s south coast. (Whitstable has been mentioned in dispatches!) The Prime Minister said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and will always be able to comply with any new legislation from Brussels." Her final words were, "Britannia waives the rules".

Originally Posted by Bigbjorn

Subject: Latest News from UK Ministry of Defense

The Royal Navy is proud to announce its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having previously named the first two ships HMS Daring & HMS Dauntless, the MoD's Naming Committee has, after intense pressure from the European Union in Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious & HMS Prudence. The next five ships will be HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous & HMS Apologist. Costing £850 million each, they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation. The Royal Navy fully expects any future enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with similar high standards of behaviour. The revised user-friendly crow’s nest has excellent wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs, both to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to reduce the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal. The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only work a maximum of 37 hours per week as per Brussels Rules on Working Hours - even in wartime. All the vessels will be equipped with a maternity ward, a creche and a gay disco. While tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, recreational cannabis will be allowed in wardrooms & messes. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for "Rum, sodomy and the lash". So out has gone the rum ration, replaced by sparkling water. Sodomy remains, now extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available - by request. Saluting of officers is deemed elitist and has been replaced by, "Hello Sailor".
Information on all notice boards will be in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer have to ask permission to grow beards and/or moustaches. This applies equally to female crew. The MoD is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag ...because the White Ensign may offend minorities. The Union Jack must not be seen, or flown. The renamed HMS Cautious will soon be commissioned by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque, who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will gently slide into the sea accompanied by the Royal Marines Band playing The Village People’s "In the Navy". Her first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on England’s south coast. (Whitstable has been mentioned in dispatches!) The Prime Minister said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and will always be able to comply with any new legislation from Brussels." Her final words were, "Britannia waives the rules".

Heard it before , mate. From what I can gather, some of it is actually true. I believe the Type 45 need to go to sea with a tug, to ensure they get home. And the new carriers? The only thing they'll carry is sailors, unless they rent some planes and pilots off the USN.

Three ex members of the RAN helicopter flight Vietnam share their story on a pod cast.

Life on the Line Podcast - #53 Vic Battese, David Cronin and Bob Ray | Free Listening on Podbean App

[QUOTE=bob10;2905492]I believe the Type 45 need to go to sea with a tug, to ensure they get home.

The RAN now has a couple of ships like that. The two Spanish built vessels known in the Department of Finance as the White Elephant class. They have taken the place of Stalwart to be permanently moored on Bottle Bank at Garden Island.

[QUOTE=Bigbjorn;2905556]

Originally Posted by bob10

I believe the Type 45 need to go to sea with a tug, to ensure they get home.

The RAN now has a couple of ships like that. The two Spanish built vessels known in the Department of Finance as the White Elephant class. They have taken the place of Stalwart to be permanently moored on Bottle Bank at Garden Island.

Not sure I would agree with that - after the initial engine issues were rectified as part of their acceptance into service process, the Canberra Class (Canberra and Adelaide) have become some of the hardest working ships in the RAN, particularly as they tick off capability testing milestones.

Garry

Actually, I seem to remember only a few days ago a news item claiming they are now serviceable after two years under repair, and have just made a first voyage successfully. The manufacturers have come to a confidential out of court settlement with the government.

Originally Posted by bob10

They teach timing. " if I wasn't a gunner I wouldn't be here" BOOM! " if I wasn't a gunner I wouldn't be here" BOOM!. And so on. [ Just kidding.]

Pretty sure Nicolas Monssarrat tells that story in one of his books. I think 'The Three Corvettes.'