Jokes

There was a German Mexican and a chinese in a hot air ballon it was losing altitude so they had to throw any thing that was weighing them down over the side
So the mexican grabs his supply of pizzas and says
"We have plenty ofa thise at home" and throws them over the side
Then the chinese says
"we got lotta these to"and throws the box of chopsticks over and as they hurtle towards the ground the box becomes unsealed and chopsticks go everywhere
The german is a bit uncertain but then he grabs the bomb he had hidden in the balloon and he said
"I pity throwing that over they dont come cheap"

So when they land they part ways the mexican is walking down the street and spots an old lady crying He asks
"what be the matter"
"My daughter was smothered by a pizza dropping from the sky"she replied
The mexican is worried"did it have pepperoni on it because if it did that was mine"
The old lady gets mad and bashes him until he cant walk

So the chinese meets someone with one eye and says
"what happen to your eye?"
The person with 1 eye says
"some idiot threw a box of chopsticks and took my bloody eye out"
The chinese bloke runs away as fast as he can

The german was just about to book into a hotel and was behind a man explaining why he needed a room he was practically roaring with mirth and between gasping he managed to say
"me mate....he came over....for a cuppa....and farted.....and blew....up my house!!!

> >An Aborigine goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds
> >himself a
> >prostitute.
> >
> >He asks her, "How much do you charge for the hour?"
> >$100," she replies.
> >
> >So he asks, "Okay, do you do Aboriginal style?"
> >
> >She says "No!"
> >
> >He then asks her, "I'll pay you $200 to do it Aboriginal style?"
> >
> >She again says no, not knowing what Aboriginal style is!
> >So he then offers her $300. Again she declines his offer.
> >So finally he says, "I'll give you $500 to go Aboriginal style with
> >me!"
> >
> >Finally she agrees thinking, "Well, I've been in the game for over
> >10 years
> >now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from
> >weirdo's
> >from every corner of the world. How bad
> >could Aboriginal style be?"
> >
> >So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of
> >way and
> >in
> >every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours they
> >finish.
> >
> >Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "That was fantastic.
> >I've
> >never
> >enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and
> >disgusting.
> > Where does the 'Aboriginal style' come
> >in?"
> >
> >The Aborigine replies . . . "I'll pay you next week "

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it

and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

two fish swimming along, one swims into a wall, turns to the other.."Dam"...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rayngie

two fish swimming along, one swims into a wall, turns to the other.."Dam"...

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You've been reading Hiline's signature line again! :)

Ron

One day a blonde decides to go ice fishing so she goes to the ice and cuts a circle in it when a voice says"NO FISH THERE"
So she goes another 20ft away and cuts another hole and the voice repeats"NO FISH THERE"
So again she moves another 20ft and cuts another hole"NO FISH THERE" says the same voice
The blonde looks up and says"Dear God how could you know all this"
The Voice says "MADAM I AM THE ICE RINK MANAGER"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Vandermorph

One day a blonde decides to go ice fishing so she goes to the ice and cuts a circle in it when a voice says"NO FISH THERE"
So she goes another 20ft away and cuts another hole and the voice repeats"NO FISH THERE"
So again she moves another 20ft and cuts another hole"NO FISH THERE" says the same voice
The blonde looks up and says"Dear God how could you know all this"
The Voice says "MADAM I AM THE ICE RINK MANAGER"

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I'm trying to LOL



To be nice




But I can't





Sorry




"I canna give it any more Captin"

A man bought a cockatoo in a pet shop the pet shop owner says that it has an advanced vocabulary he takes it home and 2 days later it is uttering the foulest words the man has ever heard
He tries to stop the language when the neighbors complain but it doesnt help
So one day the swearing gets so bad he cant stand it so he grabs the bird and shoves it in the freezer. It swears and curses for a few minutes and then it goes quiet.
The man thinks"ive killed it" but he knows it couldnt have died after 2 minutes so he opens the freezer and the cocky hops out onto his shoulder
It says" Master i will never utter words like them again but can i ask one question?
The man says "yes"
the cocky quivers and then says " what the hell did the chicken do?

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Timmo

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

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I just tell them I have torretts syndrome and swear at them