Jokes

**KarlB** · 2nd February 2011, 10:06 AM

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall .
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

**sashadidi** · 4th February 2011, 04:42 AM

I've been sleeping with this bloke's wife and today he sent me this text:

"You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!"

To which I replied:

"8 out of 10, I'll requires an apostrophe and a capital I."

**sashadidi** · 5th February 2011, 04:52 AM

News Flash:
News flash from the middle east, 10,000 egyptian troops have entered jordan.
She says that she is a little bit sore, but coping well!

**p38arover** · 5th February 2011, 10:09 AM

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary
Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!. So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep her busy.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to vacuum the house. Turns out she was a Slovak

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

Just had my water bill of $175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just $2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.. I think they were just Hovis Witnesses.

**Sleepy** · 6th February 2011, 11:28 AM

Just talked to a mate from floods in Vic

He said that since early this morning the flood's nearly waist high, it's ****ing down and wind is increasing to near gale force.

His wife has done nothing for hours but look through the kitchen window, she just stares.

He says that if it gets much worse he may have to let her in.....................

DiscoMick · 7th February 2011, 08:13 PM

Unreadable. Change colour please.

**digger** · 7th February 2011, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

Unreadable. Change colour please.

MICK THATS THE IDEA!!!, HIGHLIGHT IT (PRESS and use mouseTO SELECT THE TEXT) AND IT WILL BE READABLE... THEREFORE GIVES PEOPLE A CHOICE TO READ OR NOT!

(sorry about the shouting)

DiscoMick · 7th February 2011, 08:31 PM

Ah. That's a bit subtle for me...

**Blknight.aus** · 7th February 2011, 09:00 PM

In UK television they call it "Bear grills, Man VS Wild"
In America television they called it "Dual Survival"
Here In Australia its called "Taking the kids camping for a weekend"

DiscoMick · 7th February 2011, 09:20 PM

Bear Grills just stole honey from a beehive, but got stung so his eyes closed, however he was still able to kill a poisonous snake, drain the venom and then barbecue the body. Then he peed into the snakeskin and now he's wearing the skin around his neck like a waterbag. Noiw he's dinking his own pee. What a man!

Thread: Jokes

Thread Tools

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions