Thread: Jokes

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without
forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill
, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.



The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.


And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As I walked down the busy sidewalk with my wife, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling my old priest, Father Brosnan, who always admonished me to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out and touch this person!"















So I did.

I won't be at Mass this week.

Originally Posted by V8Ian

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without
forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill
, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.



The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.


And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Get it right - the pollie would have given him a blank cabcharge voucher...

My wife being the romantic sort, just sent me a text.............

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.

I replied........"I am in the loo having a ****. What should I do?"

Old men may walk slow BUT they think F A S T

An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.


One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

- Coming closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.



One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned,

'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.'


Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile.'

A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two government
'Welfare' officials sent to interview him.

"You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars
and his technological advances. You have seen his progress and the damage
he has done."
The elder nodded in agreement.
The official continued: "Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the whitefella go wrong?"


The elder stared at the two government officials for over a minute and then
he calmly replied:
"When whitefella found the land, blackfellas were running it.
No taxes,
No debt,
Plenty kangaroo,
Plenty fish,
Women did all the work,
Medicine man free,
Aboriginal man spent all day hunting and fishing,
All night having sex."


Then the elder leaned back and smiled: "Only whitefella bloody stupid
enough to think he could improve a system like that."

Hey Guys,

I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came back he handed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Can you help him?

A doctor and his wife are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table.

The doctor gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, “and you are not any good in bed either” as he storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends.

He calls his wife and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone.

Again irritated the doctor says “what took you so long to answer the phone”? She says, “I was in bed”. “In bed this late in the day, doing what”?

“I was getting a second opinion” she replied