Jokes

:d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d

There were 3 blokes in a hot air balloon a australian German and a chinese and it was losing altitude so they had to throw off things to lose weight so the german throws of a bomb and says we have plenty of them in our country
The australian said we have plenty of these to and throws off the chinese

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vandermorph

There were 3 blokes in a hot air balloon a australian mexican and a chinese and it was losing altitude so they had to throw off things to lose weight so the german throws of a bomb and says we have plenty of them in our country
The australian said we have plenty of these to and throws off the chinese

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But there was no German in the balloon !

And what of the Mexican ??

I fixed it i was mixed up with a similar joke i know

Quote:

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Originally Posted by VladTepes

But there was no German in the balloon !

And what of the Mexican ??

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Me thinks a bit of re editing to make it an "australian" flavoured joke - it got lost in the translation maybe:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

How do you want it edited?

Ok, time to get this thread back on track!!! Where's Knight by the way. Used to have some bloody good jokes before!

Anyway, here we go:

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"

The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The man replied "I work for the IRS."