Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by sashadidi

A friend with contacts in China has advised me not to get Covid-19 but wait for September when Covid-20 Pro will be released

I bet they'll be cheeky enough to charge for the Upgrade.

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the
head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.

italian job loo paper.jpg

Is that bribery for voting best in show?

Our local picture theatre was giving away a toilet roll to every attendee last week.

Indicates they were hoarding.

Originally Posted by PhilipA

Is that bribery for voting best in show?

Our local picture theatre was giving away a toilet roll to every attendee last week.

Indicates they were hoarding.

......either that or were prepared for some of the **** movies they seem to show these days.

My wife is very upset with me. She found some letters I’d been hiding. She says she feels betrayed and has lost all trust in me.
I can’t say I blame her; I feel so ashamed…

I wouldn’t be surprised if she never plays Scrabble with me again.

I think I did a wonderful good Samaritan act today. So I did a massive shop earlier as there was a big delivery in . Bought loo rolls, pasta ,bread ,Soup , hand gel- the lot . My trolley was absolutely full. Then I saw this old man behind me with only two things . He looked sad and said “I’ve only managed to get a box of Kleenex and a bag of nuts everything else is gone “😞 . I felt terrible . Here I am with all this stuff waiting in line and this poor old man had hardly anything at all . So I did the right thing and said to him “go on mate , you go in front , you’ve only got two things 😬 .

Just got stopped by a cop at a road block with flashing lights, traffic cones, etc. he said "This is the Booze Bus"
I said "Great, I'll have a rum and coke".