Thread: Jokes

A Corona joke "I never thought my hands would see more alcohol than my lips"

One for the insensitive

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Wisdom from a multitude of deep thinkers. Enjoy!

"Sometimes, when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I did not drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, it is better to drink this beer & let dreams come true, than be selfish & worry about my liver.”
Babe Ruth


"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
Paul Horning



"24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case.
Coincidence? I think not!”
H. L. Mencken



"When we drink, we get drunk When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven.”
George Bernard Shaw



"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
Benjamin Franklin



"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
But the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza”
Dave Barry
Then Pizza IS a wheel



“Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.”
W. C. Fields


“Remember ‘I’ before ‘E,’ except in Budweiser.”
Professor Irwin Corey



“To some it is a six-pack. To me, it is a Support Group. Salvation in a can.”
Leo Durocher


One night at Cheers , a TV Sitcom, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: "Well, ya see, Normy, it's like this .. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But, naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!”

CHANGING A LIGHT BULB



Husband: “I changed a light bulb today.



Wife: “ That's it? You changed a light bulb?? I did the laundry,

vacuumed the house, washed windows, cooked three meals, and

the list goes on and on ... And you changed a single light bulb?”



Husband: “Yep, that’s what I did today.

Watch this; I filmed me doing it.”



Click here to watch: click

Gives me the heeby jeebys just watching it.

wonder how many times hes thought about taking a parachute up and base jumping it.