Save business cards of people you don’t like, and if you ever hit a parked car, write ‘sorry’ on the back of one and leave it on their windscreen.
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Save business cards of people you don’t like, and if you ever hit a parked car, write ‘sorry’ on the back of one and leave it on their windscreen.
He lived in a big house he had recently inherited. So there he was in the shower when he realised there was no soap. He gets out of the shower and heads down the hall to the cupboard where he remembered seeing some bars of soap amongst other stuff. He was searching in the cupboard which was dark as it had no light, when he heard the hall door opening and the two cleaning ladies coming in. Not having time to leg it back to the shower he steps into the cupboard and closes the door meaning to stay there until the cleaning ladies left.
He hears the cleaning ladies talking to each other as they approach and to his horror he hears one of them say that she must get some cleaning materials from the cupboard. Sure enough the cupboard opens and one of the ladies says
"Look at the statue. The new owner must have bought it. I wonder why he put it into the cupboard?"
"I don't know " says the other lady" but it is very realistic, it even has a nice little piece of manhood"
"So it does " says the other lady "I'm going to give it a wee shake" which she does.
"I'm going to give it a wee shake too" says the other lady and proceeds to give it a fairly good shake.
"Ah would you look at that " she says " it's a sanitiser dispenser......."
I’ve been in a car with an old work colleague who ran up the back end of a young girl in her bosses car who was sent to do the bankingQuote:
Originally Posted by Homestar
No damage to the bull bar of the car I was in but the tailgate was caved in on the other car
He had a chat to the young lass who said he “she had never been in an accident and didn’t know what to do”
No worries he said
Old mate grabbed a stack of business cards, searched through and picked out an appropriate card (someone he didn’t like) scribbled a few numbers on the back
Gave it to the girl
Told her all the details were on the back and his name and number are on the front, just tell your boss to give me a call and we will sort it out
I asked him a couple of weeks later how much the damage was and that’s when I heard what he’d done☹️
Wife stabs husband after seeing her younger self in old photos, thought he was cheating
A confused and enraged wife stabbed her husband after seeing photos of him with a younger woman, who turned out to be herself from back then.
True story from a newspage......
Quote:
Originally Posted by spudfan
I can sort of relate to that. Some years ago 'er indoors saw a photo of a nice looking woman in company with a UK friend of ours on board a yacht up Townsville way.
She thought bob ( for that was his name) was two timing etc until I pointed out the sheila was his missus wearing sunnies. Not often she thinks she is wrong but bejeezuz, she was that time but it had been a few years since last seen & probably never had seen her in Sunnies living in deepest darkest Surrey.:Rolling:
She should have gone to SpecSavers.[bigrolf]Quote:
Originally Posted by spudfan
Not going to hear much with the Earphones stuck up your hooter.[biggrin]Quote:
Originally Posted by sashadidi
A farmer was pulled over by a police officer who was renowned for being a bully.
“Your brake light is out” said the police officer. “I’m going to write you up.”
“I’m sorry officer, I didn’t realize,” said the farmer. “Can’t you just give me a warning? I’ll head straight to the mechanic to fix it.”
“Now listen here …” the police officer launched into a long lecture, intent on making the farmer feel bad.
Finally, the officer got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.The farmer said: “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?”
The officer stopped writing the ticket and said: “Well yeah, if that’s what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.”
The farmer said: “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
The officer answered, “Oh,” and went back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stopped and said: “Hey … wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s ass?”
The farmer replied: “Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ass.”
The officer said: “Well, that’s a good thing,” and went back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer muttered: “Hard to fool them flies though …”
