Jokes

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!' The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.



Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'



The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

LEAVING THE OFFICE EARLY

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.
After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early??
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss!!
Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.


The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday"

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the field, standing on his own while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'Are you ok?' she says.

'Yes. I'm fine, thanks' he says, somewhat distracted.

'You can go and play with the other kids, you know?' she says, hoping to rejuvenate his spirit.

'I know, but I think it's best if I stay here.' Replies the boy, still not entirely focused on the conversation.

'But why?' says the blonde.

The boy turns to her and says: 'Because, I'm the ****ing goalie!'

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the Telstra guy wants to buy Mum .

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to
learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in
use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the
helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the
basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing
great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting
to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was
becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000
feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed
about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the
wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was
starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I
turned off the big fan."

Found elsewhere on the interweb...

My dad had bought a light aircraft in the 70's and was very
proud of it. He took a friend for a flip - his friend was
rather bored by all this, but to feign interest, he pointed
to one of the many dials in the cockpit and asked "what is
that instrument for?"

My dad looked at him for a long time.

"That," he replied, "is the clock. It is for telling you the
time."

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto,
the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our
engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about our
flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still
have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine
has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours.
But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has
failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.
But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat
and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here
all day!"

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a
short-tempered lot.

They not only expected you to know your parking location but
how to get there without any assistance from them.

So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British
Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear
of the active."

Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and
stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate
location now."

Ground (with typical German impatience):"Speedbird 206, have
you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop"

A guy in a little cessna single engine plane was waiting to taxi onto 1533 and was instructed by the tower to hold short of the threshold as an american c-17 was about to land.

as the c-17 whomped down onto the tarmac and taxi'd back the pilot couldnt resist a jybe at the little cessna.

"Nice plane pal, didja make it yourself?"

to which the aussie in the cessna promptly replied

"Sure did, I got the parts doing FOD control at airports, One more landing like yours and I'll have enough bits to make another one."

the prime mister is trying to rduce carden diox side, can't he just put it in the jucer.


haddon