Thread: Jokes

I've just ordered a chicken and an egg from ebay....


I'll let you know...

I called the Tinnitus helpline last night.
The phone just kept ringing.

I used to sneak out of home to go to parties. Now I sneak out of parties to go home

A few days late with this one:


What did the Japanese man do when he had an erection?

He voted.

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."


The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.


The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.


The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first"

Student pickup line.
A boy walks up to a group of girls and asks, "Excuse me, does anyone have directions - to their heart? "
It didn't work. They just laughed at him and turned away.

"Hey Julia, do you have sunburn? - cause you're hot! "

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

Student pickup line.
A boy walks up to a group of girls and asks, "Excuse me, does anyone have directions - to their heart? "
It didn't work. They just laughed at him and turned away.

That sounds like a Ronald Coleman or Walter Pidgeon line to me.