Thread: Jokes

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die.

They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued.

They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth.

Finally, the priest said to the nun, "you know sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth--to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?"

The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes.

As she was doing so, she remarked, "well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?"

With little hesitation, the priest also stripped.*

Suddenly the nun exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?"

The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life."

"Well," responded the nun, "forget about me. Stick it in the camel!"

Me: I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer down to the barto do some data entries. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, ‘What’s the wifi password?’ Bartender: 'You need to buy a drink first.' Me: 'Okay, I’ll have a beer.' Bartender: 'We have Molson’s Canadian on tap.' Me: 'Sure. How much is that?' Bartender: '$8.00.' Me: 'Here you are. OK now, what’s the wifi password?' Bartender: ' "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst"; No spaces and all lowercase.'

A modern take on the old chestnut.

YouTube

they really need to start stocking ATM's better.
i went to 6 this morning and they all said insufficient funds!

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. Cost me an arm and a leg!

GERMAN JOKE BOOK CLASSICS Vol 1


Knock, Knock.
"Who's there?"
"Doctor"
"Doctor who?"
"Dr Schmidt"
"Oh, hello Dr Schmidt, do come in".


Q: What do you get if you cross an aardvark with a cockerel?
A: Sadly, nothing at all, due to the mechanisms of reproductive isolation which prevent breeding with other species.


"Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
"I'm very sorry sir, I'll return this to the kitchen immediately for a replacement."


A horse walks into a bar.
The bar manager immediately calls the local veterinary centre.


Q: What's black and sticky?
A: Tarmac in hot weather.


Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Mr Seagull Head.

Daily thought: some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be."Normal people ... believe that if it isn't broken, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it isn’t broken, it doesn't have enough features yet."